The SAMI Group

Are You Smart About Your Feelings?

2008-04-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine

By Tara Rummell Berson

Five ways to boost your emotional intelligence.

Who hasn't picked a fight with her guy for some random reason? Or unintentionally embarrassed or humiliated a good friend? Everyone's emotions go haywire from time to time, and lead us to behave in undesirable ways. But you can actually train your brain to keep your emotions from getting the best of you. Read on for tips on raising your emotional intelligence quotient (EQ) — the measure of your ability to identify, assess, and manage your own emotions as well as others' — so you can better understand and care for yourself and enjoy happier, healthier relationships.

"See" your feelings in full color.

Take a moment each day to imagine that you're a blank wall waiting to be painted, suggests Joshua Freedman, of Six Seconds (6seconds.org), an emotional-intelligence Website. "Let your imagination run wild as you assign colors to your feelings and paint your wall," he says. Orange could signify frustration, for example: You might find that streaks of orange appear on your canvas when you interact with a certain coworker, indicating that it's your relationship with that person — not your job itself — that's causing you workday angst. "Monitoring your mural will help you sense your emotions more clearly," says Freedman. And once you know your patterns, you can brainstorm and implement solutions for dealing with people and situations in a healthy, positive way.

Cultivate your curiosity.

We frequently ask questions out of habit without really caring about the answer (for example, asking someone, "How's it going?" as you speed by her in the hallway). "Try honing your empathic skills by asking a question you want to know the answer to," Freedman suggests. It could be as simple as, "How is it going with that new babysitter?" When you ask, look the other person in the eyes and wait for her answer. She'll see that you're truly interested, so she'll answer thoughtfully — and likely ask how you're doing. Creating these moments for emotional understanding has its perks, Freedman adds: Your blood pressure drops when you're fully attentive to what someone else is saying — plus, you'll develop more satisfying relationships.

Pinpoint the situations that shake you up.

Do you always flip out when your kids start whining in the grocery store, or when your mom offers unsolicited advice? "When something repeatedly bothers you, take time to reflect on why, and on how you reacted — then work on concrete ways to stay calm," says psychologist Maurice Jesse Elias, Ph.D., coauthor of Educating People to Be Emotionally Intelligent. For example, if you notice that your voice goes up when your temper flares, try controlling your tone. "Through deep breathing, make your tone drop from a 5 (on a scale of 1 to 5), which is 'out of control,' to a 4, which is 'upset,' and then work your way down to a 1, which is 'under control,'" says Elias. With practice, you'll be better able to catch yourself before you spin into a more negative place.

Play the "silent movie" game.

Whether you're at lunch or the airport, watch people and see if you can guess what they're feeling, suggests Freedman. Are their expressions glowering or glowing? Are they leaning in or back? Practicing being observant will make you naturally more so — and will increase your understanding of others' feelings.

Practice the what-if scenario.

Think of a frustrating event from your day and imagine two possible outcomes, says Freedman. For example, suppose your guy forgot to put his coffee cup in the dishwasher — a habit that grates on your last nerve. In the first scenario, you berate him for being a slob. In the second, you suggest that you'd appreciate it if he picked up after himself. Which is more likely to get a positive response? "Considering how consequences play out will help you make smarter emotional choices," says Freedman, "choices that facilitate outcomes you'll be happy with later."

Originally published on January 10, 2008

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/smart-about-your-feelings

Kundalini Yoga - Awakening the Kundalini Energy

2008-04-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

Written by: ljpasion

Kundalini Yoga Kundalini Yoga is a style of Yoga that concentrates on the awakening of the energy that is found at the base of our spine. For that reason, Kundalini Yoga is said to be the most powerful form of Yoga known today. This energy is said to take the form of a coiled snake, hence the name "kundalini", which is Sanskrit for "coiled up". The goal of Kundalini Yoga is to awaken this "snake" and send it moving up your spine all the way to your brain, which is believed to result in a sublime state of ecstasy and awareness.

Kundalini Yoga was introduced to the West by Yogi Bhajan in 1969. The practice of Kundalini Yoga includes Yoga Poses and Meditation, but focuses more on Chanting or Mantra and Pranayama.

Once the Kundalini (the energy in the form of a snake) is awakened, it passes through the different Chakras, or centers of consciousness, that are thought to reside in the human body. There are a total of seven chakras, each providing a certain power or experience when stimulated. For more information, read our section on the Seven Chakras.

To understand the movement of Kundalini better, you must have adequate knowledge of the Nervous System, particularly the spinal cord. This is because the Seven Chakras are believed to be found in this area of the body.

So how can the Kundalini in your body be awakened? This can be done through:

* the practice of Asanas, Pranayama, and Mantras
* concentration and training of the mind
* the practice of Hatha Yoga, Bhakta Yoga, and Jnana Yoga
* selflessness and intellectual inquiry
* the help of a guru

Of the above mentioned methods, the last one is said to be the most important. Trying to awaken your Kundalini by force and without the aid of a guru can be dangerous. This can result in some symptoms such as:

* mental confusion
* headache or the feeling of something heavy in your head
* psychosis
* intense mood swings
* epilepsy or other involuntary body movements
* stress
* depression
* irregular breathing
* immoral behavior

Therefore, the Kundalini must never be awakened by force. Like a real snake, it can and will strike you if you provoke it. And like a professional snake handler, the guru will guide you on how to tame this snake and deal with it properly.

Actually, awakening your Kundalini should not take a lot of effort. The only things you need are patience, perseverance, and devotion to your practice. Once it is awakened, you will feel various pleasurable and less pleasurable experiences. The pleasant ones may be tickling sensations along the Spinal Cord, bursts of joy, and even transcendental visions. The less enjoyable kind may come in the form of trembling, waves of heat, pains in the areas of the different Chakras, tingling sensations and nervousness. Some yogis say that an awakened Kundalini is the beginning of the path leading to Enlightenment.

Perhaps it is because of the things mentioned here that Kundalini Yoga has come to be called the most powerful Yoga ever known. Some even call it as the mother of all Styles of Yoga. Its effects can be very powerful and beneficial, but can also be vicious if not handled correctly.

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.abc-of-yoga.com/styles-of-yoga/kundalini-yoga.asp

Biofeedback Trains Mind, Body to Make Changes

2008-04-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

Migraines, ADHD, high blood pressure, epilepsy, and incontinence can all benefit from the technique of biofeedback.

By Jeanie L. Davis
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Biofeedback: Sounds like science fiction? It's actually good medicine. Biofeedback is helping many gain control over common health problems like migraines, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, epilepsy, diabetes, high blood pressure, and incontinence.

In fact, biofeedback is barely considered alternative medicine today, says Steven Baskin, PhD, director of the New England Institute for Behavioral Medicine in Stamford, Conn. Baskin is also president of the Association of Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback.

Biofeedback has won approval from a top watchdog group -- the American Health Care Policy Review board, Baskin says. The board conducted an exhaustive review of all reports on biofeedback as treatment for common and difficult-to-treat disorders like epilepsy and migraines.

"That group gave biofeedback a Grade A effectiveness rating, the highest level," Baskin tells WebMD.

What Exactly is Biofeedback?

Biofeedback is a self-training, mind-over-body technique developed in the 1940s. Doing biofeedback has a slightly science fiction feel to it. But it's entirely legitimate, and it works. For example, a migraine sufferer may be able to train her body not to have migraines or to lessen the headaches' severity. Amazing, but true. It's a method in which you consciously control a body function that normally is regulated automatically by the body like skin temperature, heart rate, or blood pressure.

Here's what happens: You wear sensors on your head and elsewhere to let you "hear" or "see" certain bodily functions like pulse, digestion, body temperature, and muscle tension. The squiggly lines and/or beeps on monitors reflect what's going on inside your body. It's similar to watching a heart monitor in action.

Then you learn to control those beeps and squiggles. After a few sessions, there's no need for sensors or monitors. "Your mind trains your biological system to learn the skills," Baskin says.

Biofeedback is not hard to learn, Baskin tells WebMD. People have learned to control blood pressure, brain activity, bowel and bladder problems, digestion, muscle tension, nausea, heart rate, even sweat glands. Among the uses today:

Migraines and other headaches:
Biofeedback has gained widespread acceptance as a treatment for migraines. By learning biofeedback, migraine sufferers can short-circuit migraines and other headaches, or at least reduce the pain, Baskin tells WebMD. The trick may be by increasing blood flow to the hands. That diverts the excess blood flow from the head, which may contribute to the headaches.

Tension headaches, caused by tightened head muscles, also quiet down when biofeedback is used to relax those muscles, he adds.

"In times of high stress, or when they have a feeling of a headache coming on, hand warming and relaxation will decrease the eventuality of having a headache -- or at least one that's not as severe," says Baskin.

Studies show that a combination of medication and biofeedback has greater effect than either treatment alone, he says. Also, recent data have shown that long-term relief for migraine sufferers is better with biofeedback. In that study, a group trained in biofeedback had much lower recurrences of migraines, fewer hospitalizations, and lower cost of treatment since they could cut back on medications.

ADHD:

Neurofeedback is a form of biofeedback that is being used to treat children with ADHD. "In the last five to 10 years, data is beginning to emerge showing this to be a very promising new treatment," Baskin tells WebMD. "I think it's going to gradually become the standard of care for ADD and ADHD. Training sessions are getting shorter, equipment is getting better, and combined with very good therapy, the data [on effectiveness] is looking very good."

One study found an improvement in impulsiveness, inattention and functioning in school after 40 neurofeedback sessions combined with teaching strategies.

"Biofeedback can not only help a child use brainwaves they don't usually employ, but it may also help increase blood flow to specific parts of the brain involved with ADHD," said Joel Lubar, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, in a previous interview. Lubar developed the ADHD treatment in the 1970s.

"Used with behavior therapies that incorporate classroom and homework skills, neurofeedback can help these children become less dependent on stimulants like Ritalin," Lubar told WebMD.

Mental Illness:

Biofeedback is also being used to help treat depression, addiction, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia.

Incontinence:

Medicare has recently approved biofeedback training for urinary and fecal incontinence treatment in elderly men and women. "Incontinence is the No. 1 reason why people are placed in long-term care facilities," Baskin tells WebMD. "Through biofeedback, elderly people can learn something similar to Kegel exercises -- contracting and controlling bladder and bowel muscles. The data on effectiveness is fairly spectacular. And they can learn it in a doctor's office. A lot of urology practices are doing it now."

Diabetes:

For people with diabetes, stress can wreak havoc with a variety of hormones that affect blood sugar control. Through biofeedback and relaxation exercises, it's possible to reduce this stress reaction, research shows.

Epilepsy:

Neurofeedback is helping epilepsy patients reduce the frequency of their seizures.

"In people with epilepsy, part of the brain has become unstable, and occasionally it triggers the rest of the brain into seizure," explained Siegfried Othmer, PhD, an Encino, Calif., physicist who trains biofeedback therapists, in a previous interview. Neurofeedback may help stabilize those circuits and reduce the occurrence of seizures.

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/biofeedback-for-epilepsy

What Women Need to Know About Stress

2008-04-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

Marianne Legato, MD, discusses how emotional stress impacts women differently than men.

http://www.webmd.com/video/legato-emotional-stress-women?ecd=wnl_day_041208

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com

5 Life Changes That Can Reduce Stress

2008-04-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Stress: Busted!
WebMD Feature from "Women's Health" MagazineBy the Editors of Women’s Health

Sanity-saving strategies you can use right now

1. Work Pressures
Change your schedule.
When most people get in to work, they check their e-mail and voice mail. Save it for later. Spend your first hour, when you're the sharpest, on creative and strategic thinking. While you're at it, break down your day into specific tasks, rather than trying to juggle everything. Studies now show that a 50-minute task takes four times as long if you juggle too many tasks at once. "Are you a starter of all and finisher of none?" asks Julie Morgenstern, author of Making Work Work. If you can, pick one day a week to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual. "It feels like corporate suicide," Morgenstern says, but allowing yourself that early exit will keep you on deadline and make you hyperfocused to complete jobs more efficiently.

2. Personal Pressures
Change the habit, not the world.
Destressing isn't about eliminating all of your stresses; it's about getting control of them, one at a time. To do that, you should make micro-adjustments in your life, not big ones that eventually add more stress, says Stan Goldberg, Ph.D., author of Ready To Learn. "What's important is whatever [changes you make to your routine] need to be small enough so that there is a minimal amount of difference between what you've been doing and what you now do," Dr. Goldberg says. If you're working on being prompt, get to every appointment—not just to work—5 minutes earlier than normal. Successful change is permanent, not dramatic.

3. Self Care
Eat the antistress diet.
When you're in stress mode, your insides produce more chemical reactions than Marie Curie's lab—you experience surges of the hormone cortisol and sugar levels that spike and plummet, which can leave you feeling under pressure and sluggish. Counteract those reactions with the right foods, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of The Food & Mood Cookbook. For breakfast, avoid sugary cereals or breakfast bars and eat whole-grain cereal and a piece of fruit. Then pop a vitamin with at least 500 milligrams (mg) of calcium and 250 mg of magnesium. Magnesium, which is flushed out when stress rushes in, helps regulate those cortisol levels. For a snack, the crunch of veggie sticks or carrots helps release a clenched jaw and the tension headache you can get as a result of stress. Before bed, go with a light carbohydrate-rich snack, like toast and jam, to quicken the release of the feel-good hormone serotonin, which will help you sleep better.

4. Personal Power
Always avoid "always".
One of the biggest booby traps in your life is overgeneralizing—first dates never work out, she always gets promotions before me, he always arrives at least 5 minutes late. Unconsciously, using "always" and "never" steers you away from feeling that you have any control over changing the things that stress or worry you, says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

5. Emotional Symptoms
Schedule your emotions.
If we let it, stress can eat away at us like a squirrel with a nut. That constantly worried mentality impedes decision-making, says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D., author of Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. She suggests you write down what you're worried about, then set aside some quiet time (say 30 minutes) to figure out solutions. That way, worrying won't disrupt your work, and you'll be able to think through the answers.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/stress-busted

Are You Too Sensitive?

2008-04-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

WebMD Feature from "Good Housekeeping" Magazine

By Sarah Mahoney

No, we're not picking on you - just trying to make you feel better. Seven tips to help you roll with the punches this season.

There was a carpool mix-up: I thought it was my night to pick up the kids outside the gym; another parent thought it was his. "What happened?" he snarled, shaking his head. "Why are we both here right now?" As chauffeuring snafus go, this was small potatoes. It isn't like we left our boys standing in the snow. So why am I still smarting over his tone of voice — five days later?

I admit, I can take things too personally. It's even worse during the holidays when I'm in high-stress mode and every difficult-to-deal-with relative rolls into town. I spend far too much time anguishing over a friend's remark at a Christmas party, or fretting about what I should or shouldn't have said.

The hamster wheel in my head runs something like this: First, my feelings get hurt. (For example, I think, Why hasn't my sister called in two weeks?) Then I begin to imagine all the reasons she might be mad at me. (Was it something I said? Shoot — I forgot her anniversary and now she's upset.) Next, I get mad at her — and myself. (She always forgets my anniversary! Why am I worrying about this kind of nonsense?) After hours of circular thinking, I usually discover that nothing was wrong: My sister just got busy and didn't have time to call.

I consider myself a sane, logical person, yet I fall into this cycle again and again. What gives? I'm happy to report that genetics may be to blame — scientists report that sensitivity runs rampant in certain family trees. And I'm not alone: 15 to 20 percent of the population is thin-skinned. The upside is that we're highly in tune with people's feelings. We're the go-to gurus when friends are wrestling with a relationship problem or a sticky situation at work.

The downside: By reading too much into what others say or do, we can over-react to innocuous remarks. Some of us lash out, which just compounds the problem, while others (like me) say nothing but endlessly analyze. What's more, brooding, which shrinks officially label "ruminating," is linked to depression. While only a few of us get the "supersensitive" label, it doesn't mean the rest of the world isn't susceptible, too: "We're all more vulnerable in areas that touch on how we define ourselves," says Elaine Aron, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in San Francisco and author of The Highly Sensitive Person. So if your self-esteem is connected to your work performance, you'll likely be more upset if a colleague jokes about your presentation than if your mother-in-law mentions your dusty window blinds.

In evolutionary terms, being sensitive to criticism could be a lifesaver. "Back when we were hunter-gatherers, being excluded from the group was very dangerous," explains Aron. "You might've starved, or even gone insane from being ostracized. We are very social animals." Our sensitivity to the negative opinions of others is so strong, she says, that we record these emotional wounds in the same part of the brain as actual physical pain.

Despite this primal instinct, people may be growing less sensitive over time, says Jerome Kagan, Ph.D., a psychology professor whose lab at Harvard has studied traits like sensitivity for decades. "That's because so many more people live in cities today, which breeds anonymity and insensitivity to what others think. We have more rudeness in our society than people in the 18th century could've ever imagined."

I'll say. Today, Simon Cowell is considered a straight-shooting superstar for skewering performers on American Idol. Internet users and bloggers routinely lambaste other people's posts for all to read, and road ragers feel entitled to humiliate people for neglecting to signal a lane change. Hurting people's feelings has almost come to stand for honesty and authenticity. And you wonder why I'm so sensitive.

It turns out that my gender doesn't help matters, either. "In general, women are taught to think about other people's feelings much more than men are," says Paul Wink, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Wellesley College, who has researched gender and sensitivity (among other personality traits). "So while it's OK for men to be blunt, women are often expected to be warmer, more agreeable, and more invested in relationships. Because they're more tactful, they're also more likely to overreact to minor problems and remarks."

So will I ever be able to get through a week without thinking, Was it something I said? Yes, says Kagan. "Sensitivity to others' opinions of us is the most adjustable type of sensitivity," he explains. (The two other varieties — reaction to external stimuli, such as noise and light, and to internal sensations, such as heart rate — are far more fixed.) Next time your feelings get hurt, try these retrain-your-brain strategies.

Find the Nearest Exit

When a comment stings you, breathe deeply several times, and then figure out a way to excuse yourself from the conversation (even if that means you have to make something up). Aron says this works because it incorporates the two main principles of anger management: Focusing on your breath distracts you from the initial surge of temper that follows a barb, and leaving the situation gives you time to form an appropriate response. "Most of us make poor word choices when our pulse goes above 100," says Aron. She's a big believer in the 24-hour rule — waiting a full day before responding, if at all. "In some cases, especially at work, revealing that a remark makes you feel defensive can really hurt you, by making you seem insecure."

Look Who's Talking

Suppose a colleague implies that you're careless to let your 20-year-old daughter go on a road trip with her friends. Before you take the remark to heart, consider the source. How much does this person actually know about raising kids? How well does she know you or your daughter? Is she an over-parenter? "Then run the comment by someone who really knows what kind of a mother you are," says Aron. "Maybe your critic has a point, and you're reacting defensively because you agree with her. Or maybe she just doesn't have a clue."

Just This Once, Don't Call a Friend

Researchers from the University of Missouri at Columbia tracked children and adolescents who shared their hurt feelings with friends, and came to a startling conclusion: The girls who "co-ruminated" the most had more supportive friendships, but also greater levels of anxiety and depression. "Excessive focus on problems probably makes them seem even bigger and harder to resolve," says Amanda Rose, Ph.D., the lead author. "And it likely gets in the way of finding positive, healthy distractions," such as reading a good book or going for a walk.

Check Your Ego

Supersensitivity is sometimes the result of "it's all about me" syndrome. I confess, this is sometimes my issue. When my neighbor doesn't wave back, I automatically start a mental checklist: Did my dogs get loose recently? Have my kids been blasting music? My close pals rib me about this. "Get over yourself, Sarah," they'll say. "Everything can't be your fault." Maybe my neighbor is simply lost in thought.

Meditate, Don't Ruminate

Researchers from San Diego State University and the University of California at San Diego found that mindfulness meditation, which has been shown to treat stress, anxiety, and depression, is especially good at helping brooders stop replaying a hurtful remark over and over. I tried this strategy the other night after a heated spat with my 16-year-old. She had yelled, "You're so sensitive, Mom! It makes it hard to tell you things." Despite just writing an entire story on the subject, I shouted back, "That's not true at all!" Feeling hurt, I slunk into the bedroom, dusted off an old meditation CD, and listened to the soothing music and gentle bells. Sure enough, after 15 minutes, I had regained enough composure to snicker at myself. I went back to the living room, tossed a pillow at her, and said, smiling, "OK, maybe I am a little sensitive."

Sing Your Own Praises

Make a list of your strong suits. The more conscious you are of them, the less likely you'll be to crumble when criticized. "Sensitive people often make the mistake of taking an insult as a criticism of their entire personality instead of just one tiny aspect of it," says Aron. When I drove to my next carpool pickup, I road tested this technique. I thought to myself, I regret that I mixed up the dates last time — I wish I hadn't wasted that father's time. On the other hand, I'm pretty competent as a mother, wife, and wage earner. I compost. I vote. I floss. And I have to say, my Christmas decorations look pretty darn good this year. I felt better in seconds.

Choose Your Words Wisely

Keep these comebacks in your arsenal, for when you can't resist responding to a zinger.

"Excuse me?" Asking someone to repeat a thoughtless comment is a graceful way to make them think twice about what they just said — and may help you catch their meaning in case it's you who misunderstood.

"I wonder why you would say that." This toned-down version of "What the heck was that supposed to mean?" challenges the person to reflect on his motives.

"Can you elaborate on what you said?" Asking people to spell out their opinion can prevent miscommunication and clear the air.

"Ouch! That hurts my feelings." This lets someone know you've taken a comment personally, and lets her retract, amend, or apologize.

When you're tempted to beat yourself up for being too sensitive this season, remember that it's a strength, too. "When there are tensions that make everyone at the holiday party squirm," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist and author of Why We Love, "often, it's the sensitive people who save the day by saying exactly the right thing."

Originally published on October 31, 2007

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com

http://women.webmd.com/features/you-sensitive

Stress and Asthma

2008-04-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

When stress levels go up, asthma symptoms can go into overdrive. What’s the link, and how can asthma and anxiety be managed?

By Heather Hatfield
WebMD Feature Reviewed by Charlotte E. Grayson Mathis, MD

When stress levels start to creep upward -- whether it's over bills, work, or your kids -- jam-packed calendar -- asthma symptoms can kick into overdrive. As the wheezing and coughing gets worse, your health becomes one more reason to worry. Asthma and anxiety make for a vicious circle, and one that can spiral downward quickly.

"Asthma is triggered by many things, and one of them is stress," says Pramod Kelkar, MD, a fellow with the American Academy of Asthma Allergy and Immunology (AAAAI).

"So look at the big picture: just as you manage exposure to triggers like cigarette smoke and pet dander to keep symptoms from getting worse, stress -- as a trigger -- needs to be managed as well."

Stress and Asthma: Whatâs the Connection?

"Stress can affect the cardiovascular, gastrointestinal, musculoskeletal, immune, and central nervous systems," says Paul Rosch, MD, president of the American Stress Institute. "In fact, it's difficult to think of any disorder in which stress has not been shown to have an aggravating role.

Asthma is no exception.

Stress can create strong physiologic reactions that lead to airway constriction and changes in the immune system, which can worsen asthma symptoms.

"The mechanism between asthma and anxiety is many-fold," says Kelkar, a physician at Allergy and Asthma Care in Maple Grove, Minn. "Uncontrolled emotions can work the nerves and cause constriction of muscles, like the smooth muscles of the airways in the lungs. They tighten up and constrict, which can worsen wheezing, coughing, and chest tightness in people with asthma."

Although stress and anxiety start in your mind, asthma is a physical disease of the lungs.

"It is important to note that asthma is not a psychosomatic disease," Kelkar tells WebMD. "It's not in your head. Stress can trigger symptoms if you already have the disease, but if you don't have it, stress does not all of a sudden cause a person to develop the disease of asthma."

The Brainâs Impact on Asthma and Stress

The brain-body link between asthma and anxiety is starting to be better understood. Led by researchers from the University of Wisconsin, a group of scientists found that certain areas of the brain cause worsening asthma symptoms when a person is under stress.

Researchers exposed a group of people with mild asthma to triggers that caused both inflammation and muscle constriction. When symptoms flared, the participants were asked to read words that were either emotionally charged, such as "lonesome"; neutral, such as "curtains"; or asthma-related, such as "wheezing."

They found that the words linked with asthma increased inflammation and activity in parts of the brain that control emotions.

The results, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, show a possible link between emotions and asthma. Although it's only preliminary research, it does start to connect the dots. Until researchers find a clear link between anxiety and asthma, keep symptoms in check by managing stress and treating asthma with appropriate medication.

When Treatment Makes Asthma and Stress Worse

Persistent asthma means you have symptoms more than once a week, but not constantly. Treating persistent asthma requires long-term maintenance therapy, such as an inhaled corticosteroid, plus rescue therapy when something triggers symptoms. And when your symptoms are out of control, an anti-inflammatory, such as the oral steroid prednisone, might be necessary. The problem is that prednisone can cause mood swings as a side effect, adding fuel to the anxiety fire.

"The good news is that prednisone is only a short-term treatment," explains Kelkar. "When a course of oral steroids ends, a person should go back to a long-term maintenance therapy like inhaled steroids, which do not have an impact on mood and anxiety."

Sometimes a long-term asthma medication doesn't work well, and wheezing and chest tightness occurs all too often. Then, a vicious circle can begin, where anxiety worsens asthma, and asthma worsens anxiety, says Kelkar.

The solution is to talk to a health-care provider about your symptoms, triggers, and stress. Also discuss other treatment options that can help get your asthma under control again.

Managing Asthma and Anxiety

"There are numerous stress-reduction techniques, ranging from meditation, yoga, and Pilates to jogging, listening to music, and hobbies," says Rosch. "You have to find out what works best for you."

Here are stress-reduction tips from the Cleveland Clinic. They can help you make anxiety one less asthma trigger for you to worry about:

*Keep your mind free of stressful thoughts. Use the power of positive thinking to keep your mind going in the right direction. When you feel anxious about something, try to stay positive. How you think and what you think both play a role in managing stress levels.

*Identify your stressors. What stresses you out? Is it money, your mother-in-law, a hectic lifestyle? Once you know what your stress triggers are, work on resolving them. If you can't do it on your own, get help from a professional. This might be a financial counselor, psychologist, or family therapist. Link your health-care providers together, as well. Let your allergist know that stress is a trigger, so she or he can keep your anxiety in mind when treating your symptoms.

*Don't try to do it all. Manage your time wisely. Don't cram two days' worth of errands into one day. If you know you need to get everything done before a deadline, delegate so you can take some time for yourself. With more hands pitching in, you can avoid being overburdened.

*Say ohm. Practicing relaxation exercises can help lessen the negative effects of stress and asthma. Try deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and clearing negative thoughts.

*Eat right and exercise. Exercise is a great way to let go of stress. Also, eat right and avoid junk food, coffee, and soda -- which can make you feel drained after the sugar-high and caffeine effects wear off. This can help your overall health, give you more energy to combat stress, and put you in a better position to manage asthma.

*Get by with a little help from your friends and family. When it comes to asthma and anxiety, no one should go it alone. Having support from your loved ones can help you tackle stressful situations. They can provide an emotional hand when things get tough as well as offer friendly reminders when it's time to take your medication.

*Get a good night's sleep. Sleep helps you recharge your batteries -- physically, emotionally, and even cognitively -- according to the National Sleep Foundation. Without a solid night's sleep, mood, behavior, and performance can be affected, and so can asthma.

Sourced by:TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/asthma/features/asthma-and-anxiety

Brain Can Learn Compassion via Meditation

2008-04-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

Study Shows Meditation May Activate the Brain to Learn Empathy

By Jennifer Warner
WebMD Medical News Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

March 26, 2008 -- Practice may make perfect when it comes to kindness and compassion.

A new study shows practicing kindness and compassion through regular meditation actually activates the brain and makes people more empathetic to others.

It's the first study to use functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to analyze the effects of compassion meditation on brain activity. The results suggest that people can train themselves to be more compassionate just as they'd train themselves to play a musical instrument.

Researchers say the study also suggests that practicing compassion meditation may also be a useful tool in preventing bullying, violence, aggression, and depression by altering brain activity to make people more empathetic to other peoples' emotions.

"We can take advantage of our brain's plasticity and train it to enhance these qualities," says researcher Antione Lutz, associate scientist at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in a news release. "Thinking about other people's suffering and not just your own helps to put everything in perspective."

(Are you a compassionate person? How do you feel it affects your life? Talk with others on WebMD's Stress Management: Melanie Eller, RN, MSN, message board.)

Teaching the Brain Empathy

Participating in the study were 16 Tibetan monks experienced in meditation and a comparison group of 16 people with no prior experience in meditation. People in the comparison group were taught the fundamentals of compassion meditation two weeks prior to the study.

During the study, researchers used fMRI to measure the response of the participants' brains to a variety of neutral or negative sounds, such as a distressed woman, a baby laughing, or background restaurant noise.

During the session, researchers took separate scans of the brain when the participants heard the sounds during a meditative and neutral state.

The scans showed significant increases in activity in the portion of the brain known as the insula, which plays a key role in emotion, in experienced meditators when they were exposed to negative emotional sounds. There was less increase in activity during exposure to neutral or positive sounds. The strength of brain activity was also related to the intensity of the meditation reported by the participants.

"The insula is extremely important in detecting emotions in general and specifically in mapping bodily responses to emotion -- such as heart rate and blood pressure -- and making that information available to other parts of the brain," says researcher Richard Davidson, professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in the news release.

Brain activity also increased in other brain areas believed to be important in processing empathy, such as perceiving the mental and emotional state of others.

"Both of these areas have been linked to emotion sharing and empathy," Davidson says. "The combination of these two effects, which was much more noticeable in the expert meditators as opposed to the novices, was very powerful."

Sourced by TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20080326/brain-learns-compassion-via-meditation?ecd=wnl_emw_040208

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

2008-04-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

*Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

*Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

*Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

*Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html

Coping with School Stress

2008-04-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

These 5 tips can help kids cope with school stress and homework pressure -- and ease school anxiety for kids of all ages.

By Katherine Kam
WebMD
FeatureReviewed by John M Goldenring, JD, MPH, MD

When it comes to school stress, Hannah O’Brien has seen some extremes.

The 17-year-old junior at Acalanes High School in Lafayette, California, has witnessed students crying in class after getting low test scores, she says, while others have gone without sleep a few nights in a row to keep up with homework.

“I personally have seen so many of my closest friends absolutely break -- emotionally, physically, mentally -- under stress, and I knew a lot of it was coming from school work,” she says.

School stress is serious business. A 2007 American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) report suggests that for children and teens, too much work and too little play could backfire down the road. “Colleges are seeing a generation of students who appear to be manifesting increased signs of depression, anxiety, perfectionism and stress,” the report says.

Young Kids Feel School Stress, Too

A great deal of the pressure and anxiety about school stems from the college admissions race, O’Brien says.

“Students are being really pushed to make great academic gains, with No Child Left Behind,” says Jim Bierma, a middle-school counselor in St. Paul, Minnesota. “A lot of students are stressed out about college already – in junior high.”

But younger kids feel pressured, too. Even among her elementary students in Harrisburg, Arkansas, school counselor Joy Holt sees academic stress. Young kids are terrified of failing the standardized tests now emphasized heavily during the school year, she says.

“Even the little ones, they know how important [testing] is, and they don’t want to fail,” Holt says. “They cry. They get sick. Students have actually thrown up on their test booklets.”

Of course, not all students find the classroom such a crucible. But in today’s landscape of high-stakes testing and frenzied college admissions, experts worry that school stress takes a toll on too many.

Here’s what parents can do to help ease the burden.

1. Watch for signs of school-related stress.

With teens, parents should watch for stress-related behaviors, like purposely cutting themselves, or expressions of despair or hopelessness, however casual the comments may sound. “Those are off-hand remarks that you need to take seriously,” Pope says.

Younger kids may have more subtle signs of school stress, like headaches, stomachaches or reluctance to go to school, she adds.

2. Teach kids time-management skills.

With today’s heavy homework loads, time-management and organizationalskills are crucial weapons against stress, experts say.

Teach kids to budget their time wisely with homework. “Try to do something every night instead of cramming at the last moment,” says Delores Curry, a California high school counselor and secondary level vice president of the American School Counselor Association.

Stress-Relieving Homework Tips

*Teach your kids to use a planner to keep track of assignments, says middle-school counselor Bierma. When they finish each assignment, kids can check them off for a feeling of accomplishment.
*If kids struggle with tracking their homework, help them by following along with homework if their school posts assignments online.
*Give your child a quiet place to study, free of distractions, away from TV and video games.
*If possible, have kids study earlier rather than later in the day. “The later it is for most students, the shorter their attention span,” Bierma says.
*Ask the school about resources if your child is struggling academically, Bierma says. Many schools now have homework clubs, math clubs, and tutoring programs after school.

3. Consider whether your child is over-scheduled.

Over-scheduling is a big source of school stress, experts say. Many high-school students enroll in more Honors or Advanced Placement courses than they can handle, and then pile extracurricular activities on top, says Denise Clark Pope, PhD, a lecturer at the Stanford University School of Education in Stanford, California, and author of Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students.

If parents filled their kids’ schedules with more sleep, down time, and family time, Pope says, “We would not be in the situation we are today. It would be that dramatic of a change.”

As a fellow student, O’Brien agrees: “Kids are so consistently worried about keeping up with ‘what’s next’ and ‘what’s next,’ that it’s hard to sit down and say, ‘Wow, I’m stressed out. Let’s find out why.’”

Elementary students can be over-scheduled, too, Holt says. “There are so many things to do now. It’s not like you just go outside and play. Now there are clubs, sports, ballet, gym – plus you’re trying to get homework in there,” she says. “As a society, we’re just in a whirlwind. We’ve forgotten: We are dealing with children.”

Some children thrive under a “driven schedule,” the AAP report says. “However, for some children this hurried lifestyle is a source of stress and anxiety and may even contribute to depression.”

The challenge is to strike a balance between work and play. If your child feels overly stressed and overwhelmed, look for ways to cut back on school work and extra activities – though that's not easy for overachievers to hear.

"Kids just have this idea that they need to be Superman,” O’Brien says.

4. Encourage sleep, exercise – and family mealtimes

Worried about the physical and emotional costs of academic stress, Pope founded the Stanford-based “Stressed-Out Students” (SOS) program. SOS partners with middle schools and high schools to survey kids' stress levels and find ways to reduce stress in school.

“There has been a serious problem with sleep deprivation,” Pope says. “It’s not unusual for 30% or 40% of [the students] to get 6 hours or less. Almost none are getting the required hours that an adolescent needs – which is 9 ½ hours.” Adequate sleep alone would make a big difference in teens’ stress levels, she says.

Holt advises exercise to help cope with stress. “If all you have is academics," she says," [stress] is going to build up, and it’s got to go somewhere. It’s going to help if kids are being physically active.”

Both Holt and Pope agree: Family time is also crucial for cushioning stress. Pope suggests mealtimes as a way to connect with your child – “a minimum of 20 minutes sitting down together at least 4 to 5 times a week,” she says. “Listen to your children, and communicate with them.”

5. Watch the parental pressure.

Some parents may not realize they're making school stress worse by pressuring their kids to excel. But parents who want to ease kids' stress must shift their perspective, says Pope.

“Really think about how you’re defining success in your family,” she says. “If the first question out of your mouth is, ‘How did you do on the history test today?’ then you’re sending a message that you value grades more than anything else.” (And worse: It could prompt academic cheating.)

Instead, Pope suggests asking: “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?" "Did you learn anything exciting or new?" At first, the conversations may be awkward. “It’s going to take some practice,” Pope says. “But just asking the questions in that way is starting to send the right message.”

It’s not easy for some parents to let up. As the AAP report says: “Even parents who wish to take a lower-key approach to child-rearing fear slowing down when they perceive everyone else is on the fast track.” Try to keep in mind that a few, low test grades won't torpedo your child's lifelong plans.

6. Keep the fun in childhood and teen years.

Kids often have too little unstructured time to relax and play, experts say – from a leisurely bike ride with friends to a Saturday hanging out at the beach.

“I hate to say it, but school is almost their job,” Holt says of her elementary students. “And you know how stressful jobs can be. If you don’t go and have fun and forget about it for a little while, you’re just going to take it with you the next day. And are you going to perform as well?”

“Remember to have fun in your high school career,” Hughes says, “because I see a lot of kids letting the stress consume them.”

Sourced byt: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/coping-school-stress

Lower Your Stress, Spare Your Heart

2008-04-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

People Who Lower or Keep Anxiety Levels Steady Up to 60% Less Likely to Have a Heart Attack or Die

By Charlene Laino
WebMD Medical News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

March 31, 2008 (Chicago) -- Here's another reason to learn relaxation techniques. Researchers have found that lowering or keeping anxiety levels in check dramatically cuts the risk of heart attack or death in people with heart disease.

In a study of more than 500 heart patients, those who reduced or kept their anxiety levels steady were about 50% to 60% less likely to have a heart attack or die compared with those who experienced an increase in anxiety levels.

The findings were presented at the American College of Cardiology's 57th Annual Scientific Session.

Stress a Risk Factor for Heart Disease
While there is "a ton of data" linking increased stress to heart disease, there have been very few studies showing that lowering stress can improve heart health, says Yinong Young-Xu, PhD, of the Lown Cardiovascular Research Foundation in Brookline, Mass.

Seeking to fill in the knowledge gap, Young-Xu and colleagues followed 516 patients with coronary artery disease. That means they had plaque buildup in their arteries, making it harder for blood to get through, depriving the heart muscle of oxygen, and placing them at increased risk for heart attack and death.

At the start of the study, patients were given a questionnaire to determine their anxiety levels. The questionnaire was repeated annually.

Young-Xu tells WebMD that the questionnaire includes about 24 yes/no questions relating to anxiety, such as "Do you feel nervous about your heart disease?" and "Do you have trouble falling asleep?"

Over a 3 1/2 year period, 44 of the participants had a heart attack and 19 died.

Results showed that people whose anxiety levels dropped over the course of the study were 61% less likely to die or have a heart attack than those with an increase in anxiety. People whose anxiety levels remained stable were 51% less likely to die or have a heart attack compared with those with increased anxiety.

"These are remarkable risk reductions," Young-Xu says.

Suggested Anxiety Antidotes
According to the researchers, nearly one-third of heart patients suffer anxiety disorders during their lifetimes.

Young-Xu says the next step is to look at how heart patients lower anxiety. "Is it medication, psychological treatment, better doctor-patient relationships, exercise, or relaxation techniques?" he says.

Also, he wants to follow patients who are treated for anxiety to see if they do better than their untreated counterparts.

For now, he says, "pay attention to your emotional as well as your physical well-being. If you suffer from anxiety, seek treatment. It can prolong and improve your life."

Janet Wright, MD, senior vice president for science and quality at the ACC and moderator of a news conference to discuss the findings, says that too many people dismiss anxiety as a "normal" part of modern life.

"Take it seriously and treat it seriously," she advises. Among her recommended anxiety antidotes: relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation.

"Even a phone call to a friend can reduce anxiety," Wright says.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/news/20080331/lower-your-stress-spare-your-heart?ecd=wnl_emw_040208

Don't Be a Doormat!

2008-04-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

WebMD Commentary from Oprah.com

Life coach Martha Beck says that every woman in the country is socialized to act like a doormat. It doesn't have to be that way! She says that there is a way to learn to say "No," and that even the biggest doormat can change her ways. Here's her advice to cure the disease to please.

Find time for yourself.
Schedule time away from your job, your partner and your children. Use this opportunity to tune in to what you want and need. Don't feel that you're being selfish; you have a responsibility to yourself to take care of your needs.

Buy time.
The next time you're asked to do something, don't answer right away. Say, "Let me think about it" or "I have to take care of something right now. I'll call you back and let you know." This will give you time to evaluate the situation and decide if it's something you truly want to do.

Practice saying "No."
For many women, saying "No" doesn't come naturally. But practice makes perfect, so start now! In choosing your responses, remember the K.I.S.S. principle: Keep It Short and Simple. You can try it in the mirror, or even walk around the house saying it. Get used to hearing yourself say the word, and then you'll be ready to use it with other people!

Finding yourself is not about what you add to your life, it's about what you take away. Once you have created your "Absolute Yes List," the top priorities in your life, it becomes easier to identify those things that you'll need to let go. Although it may feel uncomfortable to think about saying no, it's important to remember that each time you say yes to someone or something else, you say no to you and your priorities. If saying no is difficult (especially to family members), then make sure you speak to your partner for support before and after you decline a request.

As life coach Cheryl Richardson explains, your self-care is always a valid excuse to say no. Don't over-explain or defend your decision. Be graceful and honest. You might say something like: "I'm sorry, but it's just not possible for me to do that," or, "I'll have to decline but thank you anyway." As you practice saying no, it will get easier. Start now!

1. For one week, keep track of how many times you say yes to something that is not on your Absolute Yes List.

2. At the end of the week, tally up the number…surprised? Awareness is the first step to realigning your decisions and priorities.

3. Make a list of five things you'd like to say no to. Start by thinking about these questions.

Are You a Doormat?
Martha's put together a checklist for you to determine where you rank on the "doormat" scale. Do the following statements pertain to you? Answer true or false.

1.I lie about my feelings if the truth might upset someone.

2.I want people to sense it when I've hit my limit, without my having to say anything.

3.I go blank when asked what I want, like, or think.

4.My "to do" list includes things I don't have to do, and things I don't want to do.

5.I eat, cry, smoke, or drink when I'm angry.

6.I sometimes feel quite drained; I explode at my loved ones and then feel terrible about it.

7.I feel panicky about the thought of someone disliking or disapproving of me.

8.I feel virtuous when I override my own needs or wishes to please others.

9.I feel resentful while doing things for other people.

10.I complain about other people's needs and demands when they aren't present.

If you answered true to one of these statements, you need to work on that particular action and reaction.

If you answered true to four or more of these statements, you are definitely a "doormat." You need to work on saying "No"!

Originally published on June 13, 2002

Sorced by: TheSAMIGroup.com
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/dont-be-doormat?page=2

Stress Relief:

2008-04-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yoga, Meditation, and Other Relaxation Techniques

The body’s natural relaxation response is a powerful antidote to stress. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, visualization, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, and yoga can help you activate this relaxation response. When practiced regularly, these activities lead to a reduction in your everyday stress levels. What’s more, they also serve a protective quality by teaching you how to stay calm and collected in the face of life’s curveballs.

The relaxation response
Whenever we encounter a stressful event, our bodies undergo a series of involuntary hormonal and biochemical changes. This automatic stress response, also called the fight-or-flight reaction, puts our bodies in alarm mode: heart rate speeds up, breath becomes shallow, muscles tense, and our digestive and immune systems temporarily shut down. The stress response is helpful in true emergency situations, but when it’s activated on a frequent basis it puts strain on both mind and body.

No one can avoid all stress, but you can counteract it by learning how to evoke the relaxation response, a state of deep rest that is the polar opposite of the stress response. The relaxation response brings your system back into balance, reducing stress hormones, slowing down your muscles and organs, and increasing blood flow to the brain.

When the relaxation response is activated:

*Your heart rate decreases
*Breathing becomes slower and deeper
*Blood pressure drops or stabilizes
*Your muscles relax

"Repeated activation of the relaxation response can reverse sustained problems in the body and mend the internal wear and tear brought on by stress."

Dr. Herbert Benson, Timeless Healing

In addition to its calming physical effects, research has shown that the relaxation response also increases energy and focus, combats illness, relieves aches and pains, heightens problem-solving abilities, and boosts motivation and productivity. Best of all, anyone can reap these benefits.

The relaxation response is not:
*laying on the couch
*sleeping
*being lazy

The relaxation response is:
*a mentally active process that leaves the body relaxed
*best done in an awake state
*trainable and becomes more profound with practice

Relaxation techniques for stress relief
Many relaxation techniques can help you achieve the relaxation response. Those whose stress-busting benefits have been widely studied include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, visualization, yoga, and tai chi.

Learning the basics of these relaxation techniques isn’t difficult. But it takes practice to truly harness their stress-relieving power: daily practice, in fact. Most stress experts recommend setting aside at least 10 to 20 minutes a day for your relaxation practice. If you’d like to get even more stress relief, aim for 30 minutes to an hour.

Keep in mind that there is no single relaxation technique that is best. Many techniques are effective, but only when practiced regularly: so choose a relaxation technique or combination of techniques that resonates with you and fits your lifestyle.

Starting a daily stress relief practice
The best way to start and maintain a daily stress relief practice is by incorporating it into your daily routine. Schedule a set time either once or twice a day for your relaxation practice. You may find that it’s easier to stick with your practice if you do it first thing in the morning, before other tasks and responsibilities get in the way.

All you need to start a relaxation practice are:

*A quiet environment – Choose a secluded place in your home, office, garden, place of worship, or in the great outdoors where you can relax without distractions or interruptions.
*A comfortable position – Get comfortable, but avoid lying down as this may lead to you falling asleep. Sit up with your spine straight, either in a chair or on the floor. You can also try a cross-legged or lotus position.
*A point of focus – Pick a meaningful word or phrase and repeat it throughout your session. You may also to focus on an object in your surroundings to enhance your concentration, or alternately, you can close your eyes.
*A passive attitude – Don’t worry about distracting thoughts that go through your mind or about how well you’re doing. If thoughts intrude during your relaxation session, don’t fight them. Instead, gently turn your attention back to your point of focus.

You can either stick to this straightforward relaxation exercise, or branch out into other relaxation techniques. Keep in mind that traditional relaxation techniques aren’t the only effective stress reducers. Spending time in nature, talking to a friend, listening to music, curling up with a good book, writing in a journal—anything that you find calming can relieve stress.

Deep breathing for stress relief
If you’d like to explore relaxation techniques, deep breathing is a good place to start, since it is used in many relaxation practices including yoga, meditation, and visualization. Deep breathing involves not only the lungs but also the abdomen, or diaphragm.

Most of us don’t breathe from the diaphragm. Instead, we take shallow breaths from our upper chests. When we’re stressed, our breath becomes even shallower. The problem is that shallow breathing limits the amount of oxygen we take in—which makes us feel even more tense, short of breath, and anxious. Deep breathing, on the other hand, encourages full oxygen exchange throughout the chest and lungs.

Chest Breathing vs. Abdominal Breathing
When you breathe from your chest, you inhale about a teacup of oxygen. Instead, you should breathe from your abdomen. When you breathe from your abdomen, you inhale about a quart of oxygen. The more oxygen you inhale, the better.

How you breathe also affects your nervous system. Chest breathing makes your brain create shorter, more restless brain waves. Abdominal breathing makes your brain create longer, slower brain waves. These longer and slower brain waves are similar to the ones your brain makes when you are relaxed and calm. So, breathing from the abdomen helps you relax quickly.

Source: University of Pittsburgh Medical Center

With its focus on full, cleansing breaths powered by the diaphragm, deep breathing can help you get your stress levels in check. The next time you feel uptight, try taking a minute to slow down and breathe deeply:

*Sit comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
*Breathe in through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
*Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
*Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count slowly as you exhale.

If you have a hard time breathing from your abdomen sitting up, lie on the floor, put a small book on your stomach, and try to breathe so that the book rises as you inhale and falls as you exhale. Breathing techniques can be practiced almost anywhere and can be combined with other relaxation exercises, such as aromatherapy and music. All you really need is a few minutes and a place to stretch out.

Progressive muscle relaxation for stress relief

Progressive muscle relaxation is another effective and widely used strategy for relieving stress. It involves a two-step process in which you systematically tense and relax different muscle groups in the body.

With regular practice, progressive muscle relaxation gives you an intimate familiarity with what tension—as well as complete relaxation—feels like in different parts of the body. This awareness helps you spot and counteract the first signs of the muscular tension that accompanies stress. And as your body relaxes, so will your mind. You can combine deep breathing with progressive muscle relaxation for an additional level of relief from stress.

Most progressive muscle relaxation practitioners start at the feet and work their way up to the face. For a sequence of muscle groups to follow, see below:

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Sequence

*Right foot
*Left foot
*Right calf
*Left calf
*Right thigh
*Left thigh
*Hips and buttocks
*Stomach
*Chest
*Back
*Right arm and hand
*Left arm and hand
*Neck and shoulders
*Face

*Loosen your clothing, take off your shoes, and get comfortable.
*Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths.
*When you’re relaxed and ready to start, shift your attention to your right foot. Take a moment to focus on the way it feels.
*Slowly tense the muscles in your right foot, squeezing as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10.
*Relax your right foot. Focus on the tension flowing away and the way your foot feels as it becomes limp and loose.
*Stay in this relaxed state for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly.
*When you’re ready, shift your attention to your left foot. Follow the same sequence of muscle tension and release.
*Move slowly up through your body — legs, abdomen, back, neck, face — contracting and relaxing the muscle groups as you go.

Meditation for stress relief
Meditation has a long history in religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism. And while it is still widely used as a spiritual practice, it is also a powerful stress reliever. Meditation focuses the mind’s energy on a word, a sound, a symbol, a comforting image, or your own breathing. The goal is to produce a deep state of relaxation and tranquility while simultaneously enhancing mental focus. There are many types of meditation—both secular and sacred—so regardless of religious affiliation or beliefs, you can harness its stress-busting benefits.

Mindfulness meditation
Meditation that cultivates mindfulness is particularly effective at reducing stress, as well as anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions. Mindfulness is the quality of being fully engaged in the present moment, without analyzing or otherwise “over-thinking” the experience. Rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, mindfulness meditation switches the focus to what’s happening right now.

The goal of mindfulness meditation is to develop a nonjudgmental, moment-to-moment awareness of what you’re experiencing: random thoughts, your passing emotions, the sensations of your body, sensory input from your surroundings. However, mindfulness meditation is not equal to zoning out. It involves a challenging balancing act between boredom and distraction. It takes effort to maintain your concentration and to bring it back to the present moment when your mind wanders or you start to drift off. But the very act of redirecting your attention is where the learning and growth occur.

With practice, mindfulness meditation teaches you to become acutely aware of your fluctuating emotions without reacting to them or letting negativity take over. For stress relief, try the following mindfulness techniques:

*Body scan – Body scanning cultivates mindfulness by focusing your attention on various parts of your body. Like progressive muscle relaxation, you start with your feet and work your way up. However, instead of tensing and relaxing your muscles, you simply focus on the way each part of your body feels without labeling the sensations as either “good” or “bad”.
*Walking meditation - You don’t have to be seated or still to meditate. In walking meditation, mindfulness involves being focused on the physicality of each step — the sensation of your feet touching the ground, the rhythm of your breath while moving, and feeling the wind against your face.
*Mindful eating – If you reach for food when you’re under stress or gulp your meals down in a rush, try eating mindfully. Sit down at the table and focus your full attention on the meal (no TV, newspapers, or eating on the run). Eat slowly, taking the time to fully enjoy and concentrate on each bite.

Guided imagery
A variation of traditional meditation involves guided imagery or visualization. When used as a relaxation technique, guided imagery involves imagining a scene in which you feel at peace, free to let go of all tension and anxiety. Choose whatever setting is most calming to you, whether a tropical beach, a favorite childhood spot, or a quiet wooded glen. You can do this visualization exercise on your own, with a therapist’s help, or using an audio recording.

Close your eyes and let your worries drift away. Imagine your restful place. Picture all the details as vividly as you can—everything you can see, hear, smell, and feel. If your chosen spot is a dock on a quiet lake, visualize what it looks like as the sun sets over the water, the smell of the pine trees, the sound of the geese flying overhead, the taste of the clear country air, and the feel of the cool water on your bare feet.

Repetitive prayer
Monks are often the first thing that come to mind when we think of meditation, but any repetitive prayer—saying the rosary, repeating the Lord’s prayer, chanting a mantra—can clear the mind and elicit the relaxation response. Furthermore, you’ll be more motivated to maintain a meditation practice if you focus on a word or phrase that is deeply meaningful to you. If you’re religious, choose something rooted in that tradition (such as peace, om, The Lord is my shepherd, or shalom).

Exercise for stress relief
If you’re trying to reduce or relieve stress in your life, incorporate exercise into your routine. You can start with as little as 15 minutes, three times a week. But for optimal stress relief, try to build up to 30 minutes on most days.

Exercise relieves stress in several ways:

*It allows the body to release tension and pent-up frustration.
*It raises the output of endorphins, “feel-good” brain chemicals that ward off depression.
*It decreases the output of stress hormones.
*It helps you get better sleep.
*It relaxes muscles and lowers your resting pulse rate.
*It makes you feel better about yourself.

Ask your health care provider to recommend an exercise program that fits your needs, especially if you’re over 35. If you have heart problems, high blood pressure, or problems with your bones or joints, you should also seek advice from a doctor.

Any form of physical activity will help you burn off stress. However, certain activities not only relieve muscle tension but also activate the relaxation response. Such activities include yoga, tai chi, Qi gong, and repetitive exercises (e.g. walking, jogging, rowing, biking, swimming).

Yoga
There are many forms of yoga, but most Westerners practice hatha yoga, which focuses on the physical aspects of the discipline. Hatha yoga teaches you a series of stationary and moving poses called asanas and a form of breath control known as pranayama. Yoga trains you to build up a natural response to stress and bring the relaxed state more into your daily life.

Health benefits of yoga:

*Relaxes the mind and body
*Relieves muscle tension
Sharpens concentration
*Increases body awareness
*Improves flexibility and joint mobility
*Strengthens and tones muscles

It’s healthy to challenge yourself in assuming yoga positions, but don’t extend yourself beyond what feels comfortable, and always back off of a pose at the first sign of pain. Since injuries can happen when yoga is practiced incorrectly, it’s best to learn by attending group classes at a yoga studio or hiring a private teacher.

Tai chi
Tai chi is a self-paced, non-competitive series of slow, flowing body movements that emphasize concentration, relaxation, and the conscious circulation of vital energy throughout the body. Though tai chi was first developed as a martial art during the 13th century, today it is primarily practiced as a way of calming the mind, conditioning the body, and reducing stress. As in meditation, tai chi practitioners focus on their breathing and keeping their attention in the present moment.

Tai chi is a safe, low-impact option for people of all ages and levels of fitness, including older adults and those recovering from injuries. Once you’ve learned the moves, you can practice it anywhere, at any time, by yourself, or with others.

Health benefits of tai chi:

*Reduces stress
*Boosts energy
*Enhances well-being
*Strengthens and tones muscles
*Increases balance and coordination
*Improves flexibility

Massage therapy for stress relief
A massage provides deep relaxation, and as the muscles in your body relax, so does your overstressed mind. According to the American Massage Therapy Association (AMTA), the most common type of massage is Swedish massage, a soothing technique specifically designed to relax and energize. Another common type of massage is Shiatsu, also known as acupressure. In Shiatsu massage, therapists use their fingers to manipulate the body’s pressure points.

However, you don’t have to visit the spa to enjoy the benefits of massage. There are many simple self-massage techniques you can use to relax and release stress.

Self-Massage Techniques
Source: Northwestern Health Sciences University

Scalp Soother
Place your thumbs behind your ears while spreading your fingers on top of your head. Move your scalp back and forth slightly by making circles with your fingertips for 15-20 seconds.

Easy on the Eyes
Close your eyes and place your ring fingers directly under your eyebrows, near the bridge of your nose. Slowly increase the pressure for 5-10 seconds, then gently release. Repeat 2-3 times.

Sinus Pressure Relief
Place your fingertips at the bridge of your nose. Slowly slide your fingers down your nose and across the top of your cheekbones to the outside of your eyes.

Shoulder Tension Relief
Reach one arm across the front of your body to your opposite shoulder. Using a circular motion, press firmly on the muscle above your shoulder blade. Repeat on the other side.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_relief_meditation_yoga_relaxation.htm

Job Stress Management:

2008-04-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Stress Causes & Effects; Tips for Workplace Stress Reduction

Workplace stress has a negative impact on the business as well as on the individual employee. The increase in job stress creates emotional, financial, and safety concerns for employers and managers. The bottom line: workplace stress management and stress reduction make sense.

Stress in the workplace is not a new phenomenon, but it is a greater threat to employee health and well-being than ever before. While technology has made aspects of many jobs easier, it has also added to the anxieties of office life through information overload, heightened pressure for productivity, and a threatening sense of impermanence in the workplace. In 1996, the World Health Organization labeled stress a “worldwide epidemic.” Today, workplace stress is estimated to cost American companies more than $300 billion a year in poor performance, absenteeism and health costs.

What is workplace stress?
Stress—the responses our bodies and minds have to the demands placed on them—is a normal part of life and a normal part of any job. Without stress, we wouldn’t meet deadlines, strive to hit sales or production targets, or line up new clients. Meeting the demands and challenges of a job is part of what makes work interesting and satisfying, and it’s often what allows people to develop new skills and advance in their careers. In the workplace, we regularly experience stress-causing situations, react to them with heightened tension, then return to a more relaxed state when the crisis, big or small, is resolved. However, problems occur when stress is so overwhelming or constant that the tension never abates and we never get to relax.

What we think of as “job stress” is what happens when:

*The challenges and demands of work become excessive.
*The pressures of the workplace surpass workers’ abilities to handle them.
*Satisfaction becomes frustration and exhaustion.

When stress crosses the line from normal to excessive, it can trigger physical and emotional responses that are harmful to employees and businesses alike. And unfortunately, for many people “stress” has become synonymous with “work.”

What causes stress in the workplace?
Some jobs are stressful by definition because they’re physically dangerous (such as firefighting or criminal justice), involve matters of life and death (emergency functions), or are psychologically demanding (social work, teaching). But people who stamp metal or crunch numbers can also be subject to stress on the job.

Workplace stress is usually the result of high demands on the job, real or perceived lack of control concerning those demands, poor day-to-day organization and communication, and an unsupportive work environment.

The following chart lays out many of the factors that lead to job stress:

Factors that Lead to Job Stress
Types of Job Stressors
(*Examples)

Specific work factors
*Excessive workload.
*Tedious or meaningless tasks.
*Long hours and low pay.
*Infrequent rest breaks.
*Unreasonable performance demands.

Physical environment
*Noise and overcrowding.
*Poor air quality.
*Ergonomic problems.
*Health and safety risks (heavy equipment,
toxic chemicals).

Organizational practices
*Unclear responsibilities or expectations.
*Conflicting job demands.
*Multiple supervisors.
*Lack of autonomy or participation in decision- making.
*Inefficient communication patterns.
*Lack of family-friendly policies.

Workplace change
*Fear of layoff.
*Frequent personnel turnover.
*Lack of preparation for technological
changes.
*Poor chances for advancement or promotion.
*Tensions brought about by greater workplace
diversity.

Interpersonal relationships
*Distant, uncommunicative supervisors.
*Poor performance from subordinates.
*Office politics, competition, and other
comflicts among staff.
*Bullying or harassment.
*Problems caused by excessive time away from
family.

What are the health effects of job stress?
There is a clear connection between workplace stress and physical and emotional problems. According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, early warning signs of job stress include:

*Headache
*Sleep disturbance
*Upset stomach
*Difficulty concentrating
*Irritability
*Low morale
*Poor relations with family and friends
While these early signs are relatively easy to recognize, it may be harder to see how job stress affects chronic health problems, since chronic conditions develop over time and may be influenced by factors other than stress. Still, evidence suggests that workplace stress plays an important role in several types of ongoing health problems, especially:

*Cardiovascular disease
*Musculoskeletal conditions
*Psychological disorders

To learn more about the symptoms and impact of stress, see Helpguide's Stress: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects.

What can managers or employers do to reduce stress at work? Stress on the job creates high costs for businesses and institutions, reducing morale, productivity, and earnings. Clearly, it is in every employer’s best interests—fiscal and otherwise—to reduce workplace stress as much as possible. Businesses can lower and prevent job stress through two methods:

*Stress management programs and training for employees.
*Organizational changes that improve working conditions.

Stress Management
Nearly half of large American corporations provide their employees with stress management training and Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs). EAPs are designed to help workers with personal problems that may be adversely affecting their on-the-job performance. The confidential services include counseling, mental health assessment and referrals, workshops on topics such as time management and relaxation, and legal and financial assistance.
Read The EAP Buyer's Guide for advice on selecting the right EAP for your business, and browse the EAP Directory of national and international credentialed EAP providers.

Organizational change
While EAPs can be very beneficial to workers, the relief they provide may be superficial and short-lived if important root causes of stress in the work environment are not addressed. Lasting stress reduction is brought about by institutional change. “Managers are the key holders of corporate culture,” Michael Peterson, a professor at University of Delaware, told FDU magazine. “They perpetuate it.” While stress management techniques like yoga are great, he said, “if your boss is draconian, exercise is not going to help.”

No meaningful job or workplace is, or should be expected to be, stress-free. However, less stress occurs when a business or institution encourages employee participation from the bottom up, implements policies that take employee needs into account, and empowers employees to do their best.

Look at the table below for a list of ways in which an organization can foster low levels of job stress and high levels of productivity:

Changing the Organization to Reduce Job Stress
Improve communication
*Share information with employees to reduce uncertainty about their jobs and
futures.
*Clearly define employees’ roles and responsibilities.
*Make communication friendly and efficient, not mean-spirited or petty.

Consult your employees
*Give workers opportunities to participate in decisions that affect their jobs.
*Consult employees about scheduling and work rules.
*Be sure the workload is suitable to employees’ abilities and resources; avoid
unrealistic deadlines.
*Show that individual workers are valued.

Offer rewards and incentives
*Praise good work performance verbally and institutionally.
*Provide opportunities for career development.
*Promote an “entrepreneurial” work climate that gives employees more control over
their work.

Cultivate a friendly social climate
*Provide opportunities for social interaction among employees.
*Establish a zero-tolerance policy for harassment.
*Make management actions consistent with organizational values.

What can employees do to reduce job stress?
While organizational change comes from management, there are still many things employees—individually or collectively—can do to reduce workplace stress.

Stand Up for Yourself
* Get a job description. If your employer hasn’t provided a specific, written description of your job, ask for one, or, better, ask to negotiate one. According to the American Psychological Association, the act of negotiating a job description “does more to dispel a sense of powerlessness than anything else we know. You can object to what and insist on what you do want. If there is a compromise, it's because you agreed to it. With a clear job description, your expectations are spelled out, as are your boss’s.”
* Change your job. If you like where you’re working but your job is too stressful, ask if the company can tailor the job to your skills or move you to a less pressured slot.
*Get support. Use the local, state, and federal agencies created to support workers’ interests — and your union, if you belong to one — to back you up in situations that expose you to unnecessary danger, unsafe or unhealthful conditions, or undue harassment. While some locations and agencies are more sympathetic to employees’ rights than others, sometimes simply mentioning that you know where to turn for help is enough to start an employer thinking about improvement.
*Get a new job. If the level of stress at your job is harming your health and your relationships, and you don’t see any prospect of real change, it may be time to move on.

Eliminate Self-Defeating Behaviors
Many of us make job stress worse with patterns of thought or behavior that keep us from relieving pressure on ourselves. If you can turn around these self-defeating habits, you’ll find employer-imposed stress easier to handle.

*Resist perfectionism. No project, situation, or decision is ever perfect, and you put undue stress on yourself by trying to do everything perfectly. When you set unrealistic goals for yourself or try to do too much, you’re setting yourself up to fall short. Do your best, and you’ll do fine.
*Clean up your act. If you’re always running late, set your clocks and watches fast and give yourself extra time. If your desk is a mess, file and throw away the clutter; just knowing where everything is saves time and cuts stress. Make to-do lists and cross off items as you accomplish them. Plan your day and stick to the schedule — you’ll feel less overwhelmed.
*Flip your negative thinking. If you see the downside of every situation and interaction, you’ll find yourself drained of energy and motivation. Try to think positively about your work, avoid negative-thinking co-workers, and pat yourself on the back about small accomplishments, even if no one else does.

Find Ways to Dispel Stress

Quintessential Careers offers these tips for reducing stress:

*Get time away. If you feel stress building, take a break. Walk away from the situation. Take a stroll around the block, sit on a park bench, or spend a few minutes meditating. Exercise does wonders for the psyche. But even just finding a quiet place and listening to your iPod can reduce stress.
*Talk it out. Sometimes the best stress-reducer is simply sharing your stress with someone close to you. The act of talking it out – and getting support and empathy from someone else – is often an excellent way of blowing off steam and reducing stress.
*Cultivate allies at work. Just knowing you have one or more co-workers who are willing to assist you in times of stress will reduce your stress level. Just remember to reciprocate and help them when they are in need.
*Find humor in the situation. When you – or the people around you – start taking things too seriously, find a way to break through with laughter. Share a joke or funny story.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/work_stress_management.htm

Is Your Family Out of Control?

2008-04-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

Experts say bringing back discipline is key to getting well-behaved kids.

By Sherry Rauh
WebMD FeatureReviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD

Watching prime-time TV may give the impression that today's parents are getting desperate -- the shows Supernanny, Nanny 911 and, yes, even Desperate Housewives feature overwhelmed moms and dads struggling to get their kids under control.

Cynthia Goodman can relate. On the boardwalk near her home in Hallandale Beach, Fla., her 2-year-old daughter once threw a tantrum so violent that bystanders called the police. "Lailee has always wanted her way, and I made the mistake of always going her way," Goodman tells WebMD. Like many parents, she finds it easier to give in than to watch her little girl kick, scream and bang her head on the ground. So Goodman's day revolves around avoiding tantrums, a strategy that has made her virtually housebound. "Lailee often doesn't want to get dressed, so we don't go out … I just stay inside with her watching videos rather than enjoying the beautiful day."

Goodman's experience illustrates a trend, according to clinical psychologist Ruth Peters, PhD, author of Laying Down the Law: The 25 Laws of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on Track, Out of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control. "I think kids are harder to manage today because so many parents are afraid to discipline," Peters tells WebMD. This is especially true of working parents who want the limited time they spend with their children to be positive. But in the long run, Peters says, letting kids rule the roost doesn't do them any favors. If they always get their way, they can't learn how to handle disappointment or frustration. "The price these kids are ultimately going to pay is tremendous. Teachers won't like them, peers won't like them, and they'll have trouble dealing with failure successfully."

When Is It Time for a New Approach to Discipline?
After the debut of her reality series on ABC, Supernanny Jo Frost told reporters, "I think this is a situation we got ourselves into … that parents want to be their children's friends and they don't discipline." Frost is trying to change that one family at a time. In each episode of Supernanny she restores order to a chaotic household by showing parents the benefits of structure, consistency, and disciplinary techniques such as the "naughty step" -- also known as "time out." "At the end of the day, a parent is a parent and not a friend," she says.

Peters says programs like Supernanny and Fox's Nanny 911 are doing a public service by putting discipline back in vogue. "I think those shows offer quite a bit to parents who don't have a clue how to discipline."

Nicholas Long, PhD, co-author of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, agrees. "I think so many parents are struggling with how to best manage their children's behavior and these nannies are offering concrete advice."

So how do you know whether your own disciplinary style is in need of a makeover? Long, who is the director of the Center for Effective Parenting and a professor of pediatrics at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, says it's time to make a change if you feel your kids have control of you instead of vice versa, or if you're getting complaints about your children's behavior from other adults, such as teachers or caregivers. If this applies to your family -- and you can't hire a miracle nanny to come to the rescue -- you can still try some of the nannies' techniques to help get your children back on track.

Set Clear Limits
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers begin purposefully testing the limits of acceptable behavior at about 18 months of age. It's up to you to set and communicate those limits. You can't expect your children to behave if they have no idea what the rules are. Long suggests making the rules very clear and specific. "If we tell our kids, 'be good' or 'be careful' it can mean so many different things. Be concrete, such as 'be gentle with your sister.'"

Set Clear Consequences
Just as your children need to know the rules, they need to be aware of the consequences of breaking those rules. Whether you use the "time out" technique or take away a child's favorite toy, there must be something tangible at stake. It's fine to explain the reasoning behind your rules, but don't expect that to be enough to make your kids cooperate. "Nagging and lecturing are ridiculous," Peters says. "You're wasting your time. There must be clear consequences."

Be Consistent and Predictable
Once you make a rule and tell your kids what's at stake, you must follow through. If you don't, they won't take the rule seriously. And if the rules keep changing, your kids may end up confused and frustrated. "If they can jump on the furniture one day and the parents don't do anything, and the next day the parents yell about it, the children won't know what the limits are," Long tells WebMD. Some children will test the limits again and again just to figure out what they are.

Parents Can Be a Good Example
You may tell your kids, "Do as I say, not as I do," but children learn by watching their parents. If you don't want your children throwing tantrums, set an example by keeping your cool -- even when your toddler has just redecorated the family room couch with finger paints. "Parents should punish their children in a matter-of-fact manner without getting too angry or upset," Long says.

Avoid Reinforcing Undesirable Behavior
When children whine or throw tantrums, it's tempting to give them anything they want so they'll stop wearing down your already frazzled nerves. But rewarding a tantrum with candy or anything else is a sure-fire way to inspire more tantrums.

Praise Good Behavior
"Discipline is not just punishment but includes positive feedback," Long says. Don't take good behavior for granted, or your kids may feel they get more attention when they behave badly. Just as praise from a teacher can motivate kids at school, praise from mom or dad can encourage good behavior at home.

Sourced by:TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/is-your-family-out-of-control?page=2

Relaxation techniques: Learn ways to calm your stress

2008-04-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

Relaxation techniques can reduce negative responses to stress and help you enjoy a better quality of life. Explore relaxation techniques you can do on your own.

Relaxation techniques are a great way to help your quest for stress management. Relaxation isn't just about peace of mind or enjoying a hobby. Relaxation is a process that decreases the wear and tear of life's challenges on your mind and body.

Whether you have a lot of stress in your life or you've got it under control, you can benefit from learning relaxation techniques. Learning basic relaxation techniques isn't hard. Explore these simple relaxation techniques to get you started on de-stressing your life and improving your health.

The benefits of relaxation techniques
With so many things to do, relaxation techniques may take a back seat in your life. But that means you may miss out on the health benefits of relaxation.

Practicing relaxation techniques can improve how you physically respond to stress by:

*Slowing your heart rate
*Lowering blood pressure
*Slowing your breathing rate
*Reducing the need for oxygen
*Increasing blood flow to major muscles
*Reducing muscle tension

You may also gain these overall health and lifestyle benefits from relaxation techniques:

*Fewer physical symptoms, such as headaches and back pain
*Fewer emotional responses, such as anger and frustration
*More energy
*Improved concentration
*Greater ability to handle problems
*More efficiency in daily activities

Types of relaxation techniques
Although health professionals such as complementary and alternative medicine practitioners, doctors and psychotherapists can teach relaxation techniques, you can also learn some on your own. Relaxation techniques usually involve refocusing your attention to something calming and increasing awareness of your body. It doesn't matter which technique you choose. What matters is that you try to practice relaxation regularly.

There are several main types of relaxation techniques, including:

*Autogenic relaxation. Autogenic means something that comes from within you. In this technique, you use both visual imagery and body awareness to reduce stress. You repeat words or suggestions in your mind to help you relax and reduce muscle tension. You may imagine a peaceful place and then focus on controlled, relaxing breathing, slowing your heart rate, or different physical sensations, such as relaxing each arm or leg one by one.

*Progressive muscle relaxation. In this technique, you focus on slowly tensing and then relaxing each muscle group. This helps you focus on the difference between muscle tension and relaxation, and you become more aware of physical sensations. You may choose to start by tensing and relaxing the muscles in your toes and progressively working your way up to your neck and head. Tense your muscles for at least five seconds and then relax for 30 seconds, and repeat.

*Visualization. In this technique, you form mental images to take a visual journey to a peaceful, calming place or situation. Try to use as many senses as you can, including smells, sights, sounds and textures. If you imagine relaxing at the ocean, for instance, think about the warmth of the sun, the sound of crashing waves, the feel of the grains of sand and the smell of salt water. You may want to close your eyes, sit in a quiet spot and loosen any tight clothing.

Other relaxation techniques include those you may be more familiar with, such as:

*Yoga
*Tai chi
*Music
*Exercise
*Meditation
*Hypnosis
*Massage

Sourced by:TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/relaxation-technique/SR00007

Anger management tips: Tame your temper

2008-04-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

Controlling your temper isn't always easy. But these effective anger management techniques will help give you the upper hand.

If your outbursts, rages or bullying are negatively affecting relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even complete strangers, it's time to change the way you express your anger. You can take steps on your own to improve your anger management.

Anger management tips
Here are some anger management tips to help get your anger under control:

*Take a "time out." Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting, or leaving the situation altogether, really can defuse your temper.

*Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.

*Find ways to calm and soothe yourself. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "take it easy." You can also listen to music, paint, journal or do yoga.

*Once you're calm, express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren't left stewing. If you simply can't express your anger in a controlled manner to the person who angered you, try talking to a family member, friend, counselor or another trusted person.

*Think carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you'll regret. Write a script and rehearse it so that you can stick to the issues.
Work with the person who angered you to identify solutions to the situation.

*Use "I" statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance, say "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework." To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and escalate tensions.
Don't hold a grudge. Forgive the other person. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.

*Use humor to release tensions, such as imagining yourself or the other person in silly situations. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's just another form of unhealthy expression.

*Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that set you off and to monitor your reactions.

*Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up.

Sticking with anger management skills

It may take some time and intense effort to put these tips into practice when you're facing situations that typically send you into a rage. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to remember your coping strategies.

You may need to keep something with you that serves as a reminder to step back from the situation and get your anger under control. For instance, you may want to keep a small, smooth stone in your pocket or a scrap of paper with your tips written down. With due diligence, these anger management techniques will come more naturally and you'll no longer need such reminders.

Getting professional anger management help

You can practice many of these anger management strategies on your own. But if your anger seems out of control, is hurting your relationships or has escalated into violence, you may benefit from seeing a psychotherapist or an anger management professional. Role playing in controlled situations, such as anger management classes, can help you practice your techniques.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102

Brain Can Learn Compassion via Meditation

2008-03-31T12:36:00.000-07:00

Study Shows Meditation May Activate the Brain to Learn Empathy

By Jennifer Warner
WebMD Medical NewsReviewed by Louise Chang, MDMarch 26, 2008 -- Practice may make perfect when it comes to kindness and compassion.

A new study shows practicing kindness and compassion through regular meditation actually activates the brain and makes people more empathetic to others.

It's the first study to use functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to analyze the effects of compassion meditation on brain activity. The results suggest that people can train themselves to be more compassionate just as they'd train themselves to play a musical instrument.

Researchers say the study also suggests that practicing compassion meditation may also be a useful tool in preventing bullying, violence, aggression, and depression by altering brain activity to make people more empathetic to other peoples' emotions.

"We can take advantage of our brain's plasticity and train it to enhance these qualities," says researcher Antione Lutz, associate scientist at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in a news release. "Thinking about other people's suffering and not just your own helps to put everything in perspective."

Teaching the Brain Empathy

Participating in the study were 16 Tibetan monks experienced in meditation and a comparison group of 16 people with no prior experience in meditation. People in the comparison group were taught the fundamentals of compassion meditation two weeks prior to the study.

During the study, researchers used fMRI to measure the response of the participants' brains to a variety of neutral or negative sounds, such as a distressed woman, a baby laughing, or background restaurant noise.

During the session, researchers took separate scans of the brain when the participants heard the sounds during a meditative and neutral state.

The scans showed significant increases in activity in the portion of the brain known as the insula, which plays a key role in emotion, in experienced meditators when they were exposed to negative emotional sounds. There was less increase in activity during exposure to neutral or positive sounds. The strength of brain activity was also related to the intensity of the meditation reported by the participants.

"The insula is extremely important in detecting emotions in general and specifically in mapping bodily responses to emotion -- such as heart rate and blood pressure -- and making that information available to other parts of the brain," says researcher Richard Davidson, professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in the news release.

Brain activity also increased in other brain areas believed to be important in processing empathy, such as perceiving the mental and emotional state of others.

"Both of these areas have been linked to emotion sharing and empathy," Davidson says. "The combination of these two effects, which was much more noticeable in the expert meditators as opposed to the novices, was very powerful."

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http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20080326/brain-learns-compassion-via-meditation

Why So Many Arguments?

2008-03-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Moms, Tots Argue 20 Times an Hour

It's Not Just the Temperamental Toddlers Who Clash With Mom, Study Shows
By Miranda Hitti

WebMD Medical NewsReviewed by Louise Chang, MDMarch 25, 2008 -- Mothers and their toddlers argue 20-25 times per hour on average, a new study shows.

Sixty moms and their children took part. The moms and kids were studied twice: when the children were 30 months old and again six months later.

First, the moms took their 30-month-old children to the researchers' lab. The researchers videotaped each pair during playtime (with the moms enforcing rules about toys), while the moms read to and talked with their children, and as the kids worked on puzzles that were too hard for their age.

In short, the researchers loaded the lab session with fodder for parent-child conflicts. The kids couldn't get certain toys they wanted, and the puzzle task was designed to be frustrating. All in all, there were plenty of opportunities for meltdowns all around.

When the kids were 36 months old, their moms tape-recorded their interactions with that child just before and during dinner time. The point was to get an idea of how the moms and toddlers interact in their home, not in an unfamiliar lab.

"Mothers and toddlers were arguing on average between 20-25 times an hour at both assessment periods," write Lehigh University's Deborah Laible, PhD, and colleagues.

That average is based on a wide range of hourly quarrels, from a low of four conflicts per hour to a high of 55 arguments per hour. Remember, the moms and kids were only studied during times when conflict was likely; they probably didn't clash like that around the clock.

Those conflicts were more likely to get resolved without major drama if the kids had a good relationship with their mother and weren't especially temperamental, active, or impulsive, according to surveys completed by the moms.

Those factors didn't affect the frequency of the mother-child conflicts. Such conflicts are normal and frequent during the toddler and early preschool years, Laible's team writes.

Their study appears in the March/April 2008 issue of Child Development.

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup

SOURCES:http://children.webmd.com/news/20080325/moms-tots-argue-20-times-an-hour?ecd=wnl_prg_032708&print=true

Laible, D. Child Development, March/April 2008; vol 79: pp 426-443.

News release, Society for Research in Child Development.

© 2008 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

Being assertive: Reduce stress and communicate better through assertiveness

2008-03-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

Assertiveness can help control stress and anger and improve coping skills for mental illnesses. Learn assertive behavior with these steps.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. It means that you stand up for yourself, express yourself effectively and prevent others from taking advantage of you. Being assertive helps boost self-confidence and may help you win respect from others. It can also help control stress and anger.

So if being assertive is so useful and healthy, why is it often so hard to achieve? And how can you become more assertive?

Understanding assertive communication
People develop different styles of communication based on their life experiences. For many people, communication style becomes such an ingrained habit that they're not even aware of how they're communicating. And they tend to stick to the same style even when it's ineffective or harmful.

In the majority of situations, being assertive is most effective. Assertive communication revolves around mutual respect — giving and getting respect. Assertiveness shows self-respect because it means that you stand up for your personal rights, protect your self-interests and express your feelings, needs and ideas in a way that is honest and direct.

It's not just what you say — your message — but how you say it that's important. If you communicate in a way that's passive or aggressive, the content of your message may be completely lost because the people you are communicating with are too busy reacting to your delivery. Assertive communication gives you the best chance to deliver your message successfully.

Assertive vs. passive behavior
Passive communication shows a lack of respect for your own rights. It gives others the opportunity to disregard your wants and needs. For instance, you say yes when a colleague asks you to take over a project while he or she goes on vacation, even though you're already behind and this means you'll have to work overtime and miss your daughter's soccer game. Or you routinely say something such as, "I'll just go with whatever the group decides." The message you communicate is that your thoughts and feelings aren't as important as those of others.

You may tell yourself that behaving passively simply keeps the peace and prevents conflicts. But what it really does is get in the way of authentic relationships. And worse, it may cause you a lot of internal conflict because your needs and your family's needs come second. This internal conflict may lead to:

*Stress
*Health issues such as high blood pressure
*Seething anger
*Feelings of victimization
*Passive-aggressive behavior
*Secret desires to exact revenge

Assertive vs. aggressive behavior
Aggression is assertiveness gone bad. Aggressive people disregard the needs, feelings and opinions of others. They may feel or act self-righteous or superior. They may bully others, humiliate them, degrade them or even act physically threatening.

Aggression doesn't foster mutual respect. Instead, it indicates a desire for power and domination — winning at the other person's expense. Someone who's aggressive may get too close to you, point his or her finger at you, yell, shove you, and tell you that your opinion doesn't matter.

The benefits of being assertive
Assertive behavior is useful on a daily basis in a variety of situations, including at home, at work, running errands and virtually any place where you interact with other people.

Being assertive offers many powerful benefits. It moves you from being a passive player in your own life to directing and controlling your life. When you're passive, you allow others to violate your rights — to walk all over you, as the saying goes.

In contrast, behaving assertively can help you:

*Gain self-confidence and self-esteem
*Understand and recognize your feelings
*Earn respect from others
*Improve communication
*Create win-win situations
*Improve your decision-making skills
*Create honest relationships
*Gain more job satisfaction

Some research studies suggest that being assertive also can help people cope better with many mental health problems, including depression, anorexia, bulimia, social anxiety disorder and schizophrenia.

Learning to be more assertive

Some people appear naturally assertive. But if you tend to be more passive, you can learn assertiveness skills with a little practice. And if you tend to be aggressive, you can learn how to tone down your communication style.

Here are some steps in assertiveness training you can try on your own:

*Honestly assess your communication style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? Do you say yes to additional chores or tasks even when your plate is already full? Do others consider you to act on the aggressive or passive side? Are you quick to judge or blame? Do others seem to dread or fear talking to you?

*Use assertive language. Use "I" statements so that others know what you're thinking and you don't sound accusatory or blaming. For instance, say, "I disagree," rather than, "You're wrong." Don't beat around the bush — be direct. If you have a hard time turning down requests, simply say, "No, I can't do that now." Give a brief explanation, if appropriate.

*Rehearse what you want to say. If you have a particular issue in mind, focus on that. Otherwise, rehearse typical scenarios you encounter. For instance, if you want to ask for a raise, practice what you want to say. It may help to write a script. Say it out loud. Consider role playing with a friend or colleague and ask for blunt feedback.

*Remember your body language. Assertive communication isn't just verbal. It also involves body language. Act as if you're confident even if you aren't. Keep an upright posture but lean forward a bit. Hold eye contact. Respect the other person's personal space — don't get too close. Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. Don't wring your hands or use dramatic gestures. Practice in front of a mirror.

*Keep your emotions in check. You may be full of pent-up anger and frustration. Some people may cry when faced with conflict. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible. Then, remain calm. Breathe slowly. Keep your voice even and firm.

*Start with small wins. At first, practice your new skills in situations that are low risk. For instance, you may want to try out your assertiveness on a partner or friend before tackling a difficult situation at work. Evaluate yourself afterward and tweak your approach, if necessary.

When you need extra help being assertive
Remember, being assertive takes time and practice. If you've spent years silencing yourself, becoming more assertive probably won't happen overnight. On the flip side, if you're driven to aggressive communication because of anger issues, you can learn anger management tips to help cool down.

But if you do rehearse and aim for small wins yet still don't seem to achieve your goals, consider formal assertiveness training. And if you simply feel too overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or angry to cope on your own, consider talking to a mental health provider. Working on these skills with a professional can be both fun and empowering.

Sourced by:TheSAMIGroup.com
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive/SR00042

Stress Management

2008-03-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone experiences stress from time to time, so it is perfectly normal. However, normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy. Nor is it inevitable! Believe it or not, you can learn how to largely eliminate stress. I don't mean eliminate the pressures in your life - those will probably persist. The way I think of it, pressure is what is happening to you, but stress is how you react to those pressures. So, you can keep the pressure and get rid of the stress.

A good example of this comes from the study of stress in executives. Several studies have shown that low and middle level executives show many stress symptoms, like ulcers, high blood pressure, tension, burnout and so on. Top executives, however, as a group show much fewer stress signs. There are exceptions in both directions, of course. Why do big wigs show fewer signs of stress? There may be many reasons, like more control over their lives, but it is hard to believe they don't have pressures. So why don't they get as stressed out? Probably the main reason is that they are either naturally stress resistant or have learned how to handle the pressure without letting it eat them up. It's like the old saying, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".

Fortunately, stress management is largely a learnable skill. Most people can learn how to take the heat in their lives. Before we talk about how, let's consider what stress is in more detail. The way I think of it, stress is a "false alarm". What I mean is that it is the erroneous activation of the "danger alarm" system of the brain. I visualize it as a big red fire alarm inside the head. This is a system we are all born with and it is a good thing to have. However, the biological purpose of this system is to help prepare us for dealing with real, physical danger. When the danger alarm is turned on, it produces a physiological response called the "fight or flight" reaction, which helps us to fight the danger or flee it.

When you are in real, immediate physical danger, it is appropriate to feel afraid. Getting your body charged up with adrenaline may well help to keep you alive. However, most of the time when we feel stressed, there is no immediate danger, so it is a false alarm. The fire alarm is sounding, but there is no fire!

So how do you learn how to manage stress? There are basically two main ways:

*Learn how to turn off the alarm system through various relaxation methods.
*Learn how to not turn it on inadvertently in the first place.

Relaxation methods work on the idea that you can't be relaxed and uptight at the same time. Basically, anything you do that is the opposite of what the danger alarm system does will tend to shut it off. Some examples include:

Deep breathing - taking deep, slow breaths rather than the shallow, fast breathing we feel when we are stressed. This really works physiologically to help shut off the danger alarm.

Muscular relaxation - tensing and relaxing various muscle groups can work wonders. Try your neck and shoulders, your shoulder blades, your forehead and eyes, tensing these groups for a few seconds, then relaxing them. You can also combine this with deep breathing by inhaling while you tense, then exhaling when you relax the muscles. There are more sophisticated versions of these muscular methods, like the shower of relaxation and progressive relaxation.

Visualization - imagine a very peaceful scene, like laying on the beach, out in a fishing boat on a lake, in a mountain cabin or whatever. It can be a real place or you can make it up. Try to invoke all your senses as you imagine being in this very peaceful, relaxing place. What do you see? What sounds are there? What sensations of touch, temperature or smell? For example, you might imagine the sun on your skin, the cool breeze on your forehead, the salt tang of the ocean, the grit of the sand.

Try all these methods and see which works better for you. Some people do better with muscular methods, others with visualization. All these can be learned quite readily and often work very well.

In the long run, however, it is better to learn how to avoid getting stressed out in the first place. So how do you do that? Well, the clue is in the visualization method. Thinking peaceful thoughts makes you feel relaxed. In imagining a peaceful place, you have also distracted yourself from whatever thoughts you were having before. This points out the basic premise of cognitive/behavioral psychology, that our feelings and behaviors are largely caused by our own thoughts. This is oversimplified, because there are many feedback loops that make the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviors sort of like a chicken and egg problem. But the simple version of the cognitive theory is that peaceful thoughts cause relaxation and stressful thoughts cause stress.

In other words, the reason we get stressed out is not what is happening to us and not what happened in the past (at least not directly), but rather, how we are thinking about what is happening. Past experience does influence us strongly, but the medium of that influence is beliefs or thoughts. For example, if you were abused as a child, you might have developed the belief that you are worthless. It is this belief today that is making you feel depressed, not the fact of the abuse itself. This is a really neat, powerful idea because it means we can overcome the bad experiences of the past. It means we have power over ourselves, so we don't have to be victims of the past or of present circumstances!

The best way to manage stress is to learn to change anxiety to concern. Concern means you are motivated to take care of real problems in your life, but your danger alarm system is not erroneously activated. Changing your feelings is largely a matter of learning to identify and change the upsetting thoughts that are the immediate and proximate cause of upset emotions.

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http://www.cyberpsych.com/stress.html

Stress and Anger Management

2008-03-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

by Jackson, Buddy

Anutza Bellissimo explained her methods to transfer anger and stress into personal power and success. She had us all repeat after her "I am a genius and I use my wisdom daily". We need to learn how to use our genius to change the way we deal with situations that bring stress and anger into our lives. She advised us to gain control by letting go and to follow our intuitive gut feelings. Unhealthy relationships are most often due to communications breakdowns so we should discuss problems and not suppress our emotions. Be more aware of body language as it represents 80% of communication.

More about Anutza

Anutza Bellissimo, CAMF
Director of the Stress & Anger Management Institute, LLC, Author, Speaker, and Executive Coach

Specialties:

Teaching effective inter-personal communications tools, strategies and techniques
Coaching executives through professional transition.
Providing stress and anger management education to executives and staff
Anutza Bellissimo is an Educator and Executive Coach in psycho-education; communication skills, emotional intelligence, stress management and anger management. She specializes in the use of innovative educational tools and curriculums to bring about a user-friendly approach to both stress and anger management education and effective personal communications skills. Over the last decade, Anutza has worked with leaders, executives and decision makers to gain clarity while working through difficult transition points in their careers, offering proven strategies for personal empowerment in challenging situations. Anutza has a simple personal goal: to demonstrate her commitment to her clients through integrity and providing education to help individuals and their companies to grow professionally, culturally and financially. Her clients include executives from Honeywell, Grubb & Ellis, Northup & Grumman, VH1, Office Depot, E!Network, and others. She holds a number of certifications, some of which are: executive coaching, diplomat in executive anger management, executive stress and anger management, and motivational interviewing.

Visit their website: www.TheSAMIGroup.com

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Why Learn to Meditate

2008-03-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

The purpose of meditation is to make our mind calm and peaceful. If our mind is peaceful, we will be free from worries and mental discomfort, and so we will experience true happiness; but if our mind is not peaceful, we will find it very difficult to be happy, even if we are living in the very best conditions. If we train in meditation, our mind will gradually become more and more peaceful, and we will experience a purer and purer form of happiness. Eventually, we will be able to stay happy all the time, even in the most difficult circumstances.

Usually we find it difficult to control our mind. It seems as if our mind is like a balloon in the wind – blown here and there by external circumstances. If things go well, our mind is happy, but if they go badly, it immediately becomes unhappy. For example, if we get what we want, such as a new possession or a new partner, we become excited and cling to them tightly. However, since we cannot have everything we want, and since we will inevitably be separated from the friends and possessions we currently enjoy, this mental stickiness, or attachment, serves only to cause us pain. On the other hand, if we do not get what we want, or if we lose something that we like, we become despondent or irritated. For example, if we are forced to work with a colleague whom we dislike, we will probably become irritated and feel aggrieved, with the result that we will be unable to work with him or her efficiently and our time at work will become stressful and unrewarding.

Such fluctuations of mood arise because we are too closely involved in the external situation. We are like a child making a sandcastle who is excited when it is first made, but who becomes upset when it is destroyed by the incoming tide. By training in meditation, we create an inner space and clarity that enables us to control our mind regardless of the external circumstances. Gradually we develop mental equilibrium, a balanced mind that is happy all the time, rather than an unbalanced mind that oscillates between the extremes of excitement and despondency.
If we train in meditation systematically, eventually we will be able to eradicate from our mind the delusions that are the causes of all our problems and suffering. In this way, we will come to experience a permanent inner peace, known as “liberation” or “nirvana”. Then, day and night in life after life, we will experience only peace and happiness.

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http://www.how-to-meditate.org/why-learn-to-meditate.htm/

Managing Anger - Overcoming The Odds

2008-03-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

Getting angry is a completely normal human response. However, it can occur in various degrees and frequencies, which is why managing anger is also important.

There are times when the emotion can be excessive or uncontrolled, in the sense that you can be affected even after issues have long been settled. Here is a brief overview and some great tips in managing anger.

The Types of Anger

Anger can be categorized into two: passive and aggressive. Managing anger can be very effective if you know how to identify and address the right type.

Passive anger can be shown in ways that lead to conflict, rather than directly starting it, as with manipulation, dispassion, secretive behavior, self-blame, increasing other people’s chances of failing, and apathy. It is also possible for you to experience conflict, but tend to ignore or let it linger, instead of finding a solution.

Aggressive anger is described as showing direct acts and thoughts or using verbalizations as a means of expressing intense emotions. You may resort to threats, destructiveness, violence, vulgarity, grandiosity, selfishness, rage, blaming others, and manic behavior. This is more evident and common than passive anger.

What To Do About Anger

There are so many ways to manage anger and you should learn to find the right strategies that help you resolve the main conflict, instead of simply finding temporary relief. The emotion should be controlled, then expressed in a healthy manner to successfully approach it.

Direct anger management is addressing the problem as it is and finding a relevant solution. Creative anger management involves finding new ways and looking at the idea in a whole new perspective. Passionate anger management is transforming negative input into something more useful and positive. Focused anger management is learning how to address the problem only and not tend to create unnecessary links. Honorable anger management is finding a just and proper solution, and then finding a moral basis for the emotion.

These are just some of the approaches of properly managing anger. You can also find other means and channels that best suit your emotional needs. Again, there is nothing wrong with feeling angry. It is completely natural and healthy, as long as it is expressed properly.

Sourced by :TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Managing_Anger_-_Overcoming_The_Odds.html

ANGER TOOLS FOR FAMILIES

2008-03-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Anger is one of the most commonly reported problems in families today. It surfaces in a variety of forms, including domestic violence, child abuse, marital conflicts, sibling rivalry, and generational tensions. Why do we direct our anger at people we know and love? Part of the answer is hidden in the dynamics of the family itself. Other answers come from the hectic pace of contemporary family life and our own thinking.

A family is a complex emotional system where every member affects other members. Unless a person takes drastic measures to emotionally cut themselves off from the family or physically moves away; they cannot escape the power of the family over their behavior. It is this complexity and the fact that so much of family dynamics are outside of member's conscious awareness, that makes change difficult. Consequently, members feel helpless to change anger in the family.

Anger takes place in the family in three ways:

* It is inherent in family temperament
* It carries over from other stressful systems (such as work)
* It serves a specific function in the family

Temper, Temper!

A temperament is defined "as a persons customary manner of emotional response (Roget's II, The New Thesaurus)." Everyone knows someone they would describe as having a "temper." One member or more of the family can be moody, intense, reactive, and dislike change. These people could be said to have a feisty or difficult temperament. They have inherited a biology that reacts in a different manner to stressful life events. Temperament is not something that family members can completely change, but it is something that can be modified or adapted to.

Parents who understand this realize that they have not failed their children. They simply have a child with a different temperament. It also answers the question, for many parents, why they seem to have more discomfort relating to one child over another. The more dissimilar the temperament, between parent and child, the more difficult it is to understand and interact together. On the other hand, family members with similar temperaments may "rub" each other the wrong way. Two members with "tempers" will engage in more frequent arguments and power-struggles than would two members with flexible temperaments.

Displaced Anger

Another way that anger affects families is through displacement of anger from one system (i.e., work) to another system (i.e., home). Parents who had a rough day at work don't automatically shed their frustrations on the way home. They can bring it home and react to other family members in a hostile and abusive manner. One answer why family members direct their anger at people they know and love is that it is safer to vent with people they know will not abandon them. The boss may fire someone for venting at them or another employee. A teacher may give a student a bad report for acting out at school. But family members usually stick by you, even if you get angry. Unfortunately, chronic venting at loved one's will result in negative consequences. It breaks down members' ability to feel safe and trust one another.

Anger is Power

Anger has specific social functions that signal us when there is a need that is unfulfilled or a problem that needs solving. The earliest example of this, in families, is seen in the newborn. When the baby is hungry, hurt, or wet, it cries. If responses to its needs are not immediate, it can become angry. The baby will shake and scream until that need is met. Anger can be used to control other family members. The most common example of this is a small child throwing a "temper" tantrum. The purpose of the tantrum is to get mom or dad to comply with their wants. Older children and adults also throw tantrums. They use it to get children to comply or spouses to listen or siblings to leave them alone. While anger may be one way to gain control, in the short-term, it always back fires, destroying relationships, in the long-term.

Anger Toolbox

*Families do not have to continue to be victims of their own or other's anger.

They can use some simple tools to manage anger:

The first tool to managing anger is to take personal responsibility for it. Even if a member's anger is due to temperament or an overbearing boss, take responsibility for your reaction and what you do with that anger. The destructive root of family anger is blame. The blame game only has losers, no winners.

The second tool is to find safe and healthy ways to vent your anger. Give yourself more time to get home
so that you are not so upset from the day at work or school. Or ask family members for a few moments alone when you do get home so that you can detox yourself for the day's stress. Find alternative outlets for the pressure that builds up through the day. Exercise, sports, and physical activities are good choices. Additionally, meditation, relaxation training, and healthy diets will ensure a much more powerful buffer to stress.

Thirdly, be aware of how you talk to yourself. If you find yourself reacting to a situation differently than other family members, you may be causing your own problems. What we say to ourselves about situations and other family members influences our emotions. Get help from a qualified therapist to work on changing how your view difficult problems in your life.

And lastly, increase your social support network. The more people you have to turn to in a time of crisis, the more resourceful you will feel. Some of these people may not be your family members. That's all right. They are safe places to deal with anger so that time at home, with other members, is spent enjoying one another.

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://stress.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?

Anger management

2008-03-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

Anger is an emotion that men access very easily and often when personal resources are stretched to the limit. A temper is also the emotion that is often directed at children and spouses.

It has long been accepted that the introduction of children into a relationship brings with it a variety of modifications that couples have to make. Early mornings, late nights, stress and sleep deprivation are just a few of the ‘child-induced’ spin-offs.

Many mothers notice they are more inclined to dissolve into tears at the slightest upset whilst men, on the other hand, manifest their emotions in different ways.

*Where anger comes from:

*As well as ‘sleep deprivation’ there are several key factors that can influence men to become angry with their partners and family:

1.Fuses are shortened significantly when routines and life patterns are altered. Children throw these patterns into disarray as parents struggle to fit their lives around the needs of the child. Fathers therefore find it difficult to successfully combine full-time employment with full-time fathering.

2.Family commitments can mean that sport and leisure activities are reduced giving fathers less opportunity to debrief and de-stress.

3.Having an added focus of a child (or two) lessons ‘couple time’. Men and women often find that intimacy is reduced. After a period of decreased proximity, couples may find themselves feeling like ‘relationship strangers’.

4.Extended family members and friends, hoping to help by taking on responsibilities of the new baby, may inadvertently disrupt the couple and family balance.

*Telltale signs of anger:

What are the signs or indicators that fathers may be experiencing some stress that could in turn lead to angry outbursts and generally disgruntled Dads?

*Battling the anger:

Men tend to let actions speak louder than words. While in many cases this is an admirable quality, by keeping ‘mum’ (no pun intended!) or by not telling anybody else, men tend to internalize their grievances and ‘feed’ the anger. I firmly believe the old adage that ‘a problem shared is a problem halved‘…or at least acknowledged.

If fathers deny or repress their emotions, the anger, frustration and stress that has built up over a period of time will eventually need to be released and often the venting that occurs has consequences for other members of the family.

Therefore, one sign of a dad not coping with the pressure of child rearing is a father who becomes sullen and withdrawn. Fathers may become distant from children and partners in an attempt NOT to hurt or get angry with them. Conversely, a dad who becomes ‘snappy’ and extremely reactive may be externalizing the signs of anger.

*Unusual behavior - not coping:

Men who start behaving uncharacteristically may be in some need of intervention. Examples of this could be anything from dropping out of some or all social functions, or perhaps relying a little too heavily on alcohol, cigarettes and drugs to cope with family situations.

In some cases men won’t recognize the tell-tale outbursts and angry exchanges with family members as being anything out of the ordinary. They may try to deny anything is wrong perhaps in the hope that with the passing of time and a little bit more sleep things will rectify themselves! Generally, though, spouses and family members will be able to detect when these changes, however subtle, are occurring.

*Helping anger:

The real challenge is in how to bring these behaviors to the attention of the dad without seeming judgmental and over the top. To ensure complete family integrity it is sometimes easiest to let someone completely neutral be the person who takes dad aside for a quiet chat about how he’s coping.

Extended family members and good friends can act as great sources of support for both mothers and fathers who are finding daily parental responsibilities really hard work! Men find it less threatening, more helpful and, in many cases, enlightening if they can interface with someone who has experienced some of the same pressures and who can chat with some authority on the subject.

If situations get out of hand, another option for spouses is the involvement of some health professional like a registered psychologist or a trusted doctor. This professional can provide a buffer between the family and the father and can retain the privacy of the individual undergoing the stress and anger issues. These people are professionals who have learned the tried and true methods of dealing with people at both ends of the emotional continuum and all the varying degrees in between.

Unfortunately the role of ‘parent’ is greatly undervalued in our society and we are not paid ‘corporate’ salaries for caring for our children. We will probably always encounter those examples of fathers who seem drawn to anger and angry outbursts purely because there is not enough time in the day to work, sleep, eat, exercise and look after their families.

Help, however, is within easy reach. Here are some tips to help fathers and their families deal with anger if it occurs. Even more encouraging are the preventative ways to minimize the possibility for anger to surface in the first place:

*Men need to talk if they are feeling angry:

When in doubt… shout! Let people know when you are feeling overworked and underpaid. Men leave it until the last minute to let others know they need support and help. It is not a shameful thing to feel angry and out of control. Rather it is something that needs to be shared and worked through. When we weigh up the options, asking for support is the easier way to go. Anger can lead to domestic violence that benefits no one and sets dangerous examples for children who often witness these outbursts.

*Dad's also need time out:

This is not just a strategy for badly behaved children! Sometimes a well timed walk in the park, an evening out at a movie, or a weekend away can recharge the batteries and allow someone who is very stressed to regain a much needed sense of perspective. Remember that ‘time out’ measures need to be implemented before a pattern of angry responses becomes the norm.

*To help with anger learn to say NO:

We spend a lot of time saying ‘No’ to our children, particularly when they are babies. Yet as adults, fathers need to re-learn the word. Saying ‘No’ to overtime at work, saying ‘No’ to party invitations and saying ‘No’ to big nights out with the boys all need to be considered when sleep is limited.

Men must learn they need to look after themselves and their health before they can expect to effectively care for the needs of their families.

To a certain degree anger is an acceptable part of men’s behavioral repertoire. However, it is when the anger is directed at others that problems arise. So as partners, family members, friends and co-workers of men who may have anger as an issue we have a responsibility to look out for the tell-tale signs and break the cycle before it begins!

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.littlies.co.nz/page.asp?id=268&level=2

Stress Relief and Anger Prevention

2008-03-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Stress is a part of our everyday lives: struggling with your four-year-old over breakfast food, having the car overheat in traffic, running late to pick up at the child care center, confronting family members about chores and household responsibilities. Sometimes the accumlation of stresses can result in your losing your temper. All too often it is children who receive the outburst. For some families, this is an isolated flare-up and everyone recovers and moves on. For others, explosions become more frequent and can result in problematic behaviors in their children. Once you've lost your temper with your child, it can be easy to lose it again. The more you learn about stress and ways to manage your anger, the better prepared you will be.

The Daily Routine

For many households, just the daily rituals and routines create tremendous stress. Often the areas of conflict are around chores, homework, meals, sibling relationships, and bedtime. A good starting point is to decide which behaviors are most difficult for you and then develop a list of rules and appropriate consequences to address them. Make the rules clear and enforce them consistently. It is helpful to redefine what is most important to you and then prioritize. For example, if getting out of the house on time in the morning is most important, then maybe the beds will not always be made. Planning ahead is valuable and you can often turn routine chores into more meaningful time. Choosing clothes the night before with your child can allow you to giggle together over clothes that don't match instead of heading for a disagreement in the morning. You are more likely to lose your temper
when you are tired or overworked. Try to be aware of your limits and recognize when you begin to feel overwhelmed. Before you head for home, take a break, go for a quick walk or plan an event to look forward to. Talk to friends, family and your child care provider to let them know how you feel. They may help you sort through your feelings and maybe they can give you some time for yourself.

Ages and Stages

The first step for every parent is to identify the feeling you are having as anger. In some situations, an understanding of your child's developmental stage can help you avoid getting angry with your child. Hearing your infant cry for long periods of time can make you feel angry with your child, but the anger is actually due to feelings of frustration and inadequacy at not knowing how to comfort your baby. A direct expression of anger towards your baby will not be helpful. Similarly, your preschooler didn't purposefully break the plate and your twelve-year-old didn't deliberately forget his jacket at school. Most of your anger is with yourself at not being able to control the situation. Not all anger is considered bad if it is used
constructively to change things you don't like. With children who are preschool age and older you can talk afterwards, exchange an apology and acknowledge there will always be arguments. There may be better ways to work things out or you might step back later and see a bit of humor in an argument. Start a pattern in your family of always talking things over after the heat of the moment is past. if you are no longer focusing your attention on the problem at hand, your anger has taken over. Separate out other issues, previous conflicts with your child, and the accumulated stress of your day and focus only on the present situation. As soon as you feel your anger is inappropriate or no longer productive, you should walk away. It may be best to go into another room to cool off for awhile or call on your networks to get some time for yourself.

Holidays

For many families the joys of the holidays are mixed with the strains of visiting relatives, shopping, the change of family routines, travel and unsolicited advice. It can be difficult to keep the spirit of the season when there are so many changes to adjust to. After the initial excitement, the strain usually starts to show. No matter how much you try or plan ahead, there are bound to be moments that are very frustrating, embarrassing or completely unexpected. To ease the stress, here are a few suggestions to keep in mind. Talk ahead of time with your friends and relatives to find out exactly what is planned. You can determine what special arrangements or foods will be needed. If you will be traveling, pack the essentials along with favorite lovies and some familiar snacks to help your child handle delayed meals. Ask ahead for help in meeting the needs of your child in a place away from home and once there, relax your rules and restrictions. For a temporary situation it's fine for your child to stay up later or have an extra treat. Above all, maintain your sense of humor to keep the holidays fun.

Coping Strategies

Simplify whenever possible. To help plan for the morning rush, have clothes laid out, lunches packed and shoes located the night before. Be ready to be flexible. You can't prepare for everything and there are bound to be conflicts along the way. If your child insists on the plaid shirt with the striped shorts, avoid an argument and let it go. Ask yourself if it will really matter a week from now. Remember all children go through ages and stages. Before you get angry, remind yourself that you can expect typical behavior patterns as your child grows. Talk to your child care provider and let her know when you feel stressed or angry. She may have suggestions for you to help minimize your frustrations. As soon as you feel your anger is not appropriate, walk away and reach out to others for support. Try using humor to gain compliance. You might challenge your child who is always running late in the morning to a race to see who is ready first and out the door on time.

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.childcareaware.org/en/subscriptions/dailyparent/volume.php?id=15

Dealing With Anger in Relationships

2008-03-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

Anger is a powerful, perfectly normal emotion that everyone feels at one time or another. Anger experts say that anger develops more often in the family in marriage and with children than in any other human relationship. A second common setting for anger episodes is at work, with colleagues and supervisors. As a consequence, more people are injured by the violent acts of someone they live or work with than by strangers.

Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. It is the detonator of road rage on the freeway, flare-ups in the sports arena, violence at school and domestic abuse in homes. Anger is the source of many legal problems and many psychophysical diseases such as headaches, high blood pressure and chronic pain. Science has just recently begun to recognize the contribution anger makes to these and other diseases. When coupled with workplace and family stress, unresolved anger can cause emotional, physical and spiritual health to suffer. This can lead the angry one to lash out at the nearest person.

Managing anger successfully can make the difference between misery or happiness. This MontGuide has been written to help you understand anger and how to manage it better. It also provides some ideas for dealing with others' anger.

What is Anger?

According to expert Charles Spielberger, anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild annoyance to intense fury and rage." Many things can provoke angry feelings. People (such as a boss reminding you of a deadline for the fourth time this week) or daily events (such as getting dawdling kids off to school) might initiate anger. Worrying about personal problems or recalling events that were tragic or made you mad can also set off angry feelings.

Anger is expressed in three ways. It may be directed outward, toward other people or objects in the environment. You might feel like yelling, screaming, punching someone, smashing or destroying something, or throwing a chair or book across the room. These are destructive expressions of anger--destructive because instead of solving the problem, they usually escalate the situation and make the problem worse. A recent study showed that, contrary to popular belief, venting anger through physical aggression--such as by punching a bag or pillow--did not decrease anger but actually increased aggressive behavior.

Anger may also be directed inward by supressing angry feelings.
This mode of expression can also be destructive if anger is not allowed some form of constructive external expression, it can increase the risks of high blood pressure, depression, suicide, gastrointestinal problems or drug and alcohol use. Unexpressed anger can also lead to such problems as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on), a hostile and cynical way of dealing with others or increased use of put-downs and criticism. Obviously, such behavior doesn't promote harmonious relationships with others.

A third mode of anger expression is the control of anger. Pop psychology used to promote the philosophy of "let it all hang out." During its heyday, this approach led some specialists to recommend that people communicate their anger just to get it off their chest. Far from solving problems, research has confirmed that unbridled expression of anger makes matters worse. Not only does it escalate anger and threaten relationships, but it places one's physical health at risk, too. It is wise to control or manage the expression of anger in constructive ways.

Controlling anger doesn't ignore the emotion. Instead, it involves first calming oneself so that one's anger can be used to achieve constructive ends, such as solving problems and restoring emotional connections with others. Proper control of anger reduces the risk of violence toward others as well as physiological harm to oneself.

Dealing With Our Own Anger

As much as we like horses, few of us would be willing to ride one without a bridle. Around the world there are various categories of bridles. Within these categories there are literally hundreds of different kinds of bridles depending on what we want to do with the animal. But the major purpose is the same: To get the horse to do what we want it to do.

Using a bridle doesn't deny that the horse exsists, nor does it mean that the horse is a bad animal. Quite the contrary. Bridles allow us to manage and guide the horse to accomplish our purposes.

Anger is like an unbridled horse. Unless we govern it, we are at its mercy. The consequences of unbridled anger aren't the ones we really want. Here are some suggestions for putting a bridle on anger.

Understand that anger is a choice. Since anger can be controlled, it follows that anger is a choice. Anger is a learned response to a trigger in our environment. While we may have a tendency to become angry, it's not wise or correct to give in and simply say "That's just the way I am, and there's nothing I can do about it." Ultimately we are in charge of which behaviors we choose in response to the emotions we feel. We often hear people say things like, "She/He made me angry."

That statement is inaccurate. No one is ever made to be angry. No one is forced against their will to lose their temper. Remember: Anger is a learned response to a provoking situation.

Consider the following diagram. Between every provoking situation and outcome lies the freedom to select the actions we deem appropriate. Habit may make our responses seem almost involuntary, but they aren't. While certain provoking situations may creep up on us so that we respond with a knee-jerk reaction, once the connection between the provoking situation and our response is in our consciousness, we can begin to take more control over our actions.

Learn what provokes your anger. While no one can cause us to use anger destructively, the emotion of anger can be provoked in us. So it is wise to learn what your anger triggers are and write them down. Your anger might be provoked when someone ignores the good things you do, puts you down, or shows disrespect for your opinions. As a parent your anger might be aroused toward children when they are messy, don't cooperate or disobey your wishes.

Once you have made a list of your anger triggers, keep the list handy. Spend some time thinking about what you might do instead of reacting angrily the next time someone "pushes your button." For example, if you are angered when your teen won't clean his/her room, give him/her the option of cleaning it once a week and let him/her choose the day and time.

Recognize and admit your own anger. Notice what your body does when anger is provoked. Do you feel hot or flushed? Is your heart pounding? Are you breathing more rapidly? Is there change in the tension of the muscles in your neck? Is your head or stomach aching? Also notice the thoughts you have and the actions you do or want to do when you feel anger. Perhaps you are thinking "It's not fair!"or "She's out to get me!" or "He makes me so angry so much of the time!" You may (or you may want to) yell or scream at someone, hit or slap, threaten, order around, or, as a parent, punish a child severely.

Notice also signs of hidden anger, such as sarcasm or frustration or wanting to get even. You may have been taught to deny your angry feelings, or that they don't matter. But feelings do matter. Now is the time for great self-honesty. Realize that anger is normal emotion. There's no need for you to feel ashamed or guilty about it. Whether at home or at work, give each other the right to feel angry. Feeling angry and acting destructively toward another are two very different things.

Relax and calm yourself first. before the issue that provoked the feeling of anger can be resolved, you must reduce the intensity of the angry feeling by calming yourself. Discover what helps you calm down in anger situations and take action. Calming actions might include calling a friend or relative, listening to music, prayer or meditation, vigorous exercise, writing down feelings in a letter (for yourself), a good night's rest, a warm shower or bath, deep breathing, counting to ten, taking a walk or taking a mental vacation by imagining a peaceful, beautiful place.

Strive to understand the other person's point of view. There are many reasons someone may do something that provokes our anger, besides their intentionally wanting to get us angry. Parents would do well to learn possible causes of anger in children at different ages and stages of development and use that knowledge in responding to an anger trigger. For example, Tommy, a three-year-old, was angry because his father wouldn't let him play with the CD player. He yelled "I hate you!" at his father. His dad remembered that children at this age may resent the fact that others have so much power over them and may become angry when they don't have the freedom to do as they please. Armed with this knowledge, he responded in an age-appropriate manner to his son, saying "Well, I love you. You're just angry because you can't play with the CD."

We can strive ourselves in another adult's shoes when they pull one of our anger triggers. Someone may be tired or over stressed. You may find that your anger was based on a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of someone's words or actions. Or perhaps the anger resulted from one person being pushed beyond their limits of tolerance.

Establish ground rules for expression of anger. This will help you manage anger. For example, when anger and conflict is escalating over an issue, agree that you will call "Time Out" and try talking about it again after you calm yourselves and can listen to one another better. Choose a specified time to talk, such as in 10 minutes or at a later time within 24 hours. Using this kind of ground rule can help you deal with difficulties with less bickering and strife.

Express your anger constructively.

Express angry feelings calmly and with an attitude of respect, without attacking or blaming the other person. Explain to the other person why you are angry. Use I-statements with a Feeling-When-Because format. For example, "I FEEL angry WHEN the barbeque is left on BECAUSE it wastes gas."

Follow up the I-statement with a statement of the change that you believe would solve the problem now and defuse
anger in the future. For example:

"I feel frustrated when you come home after curfew because that is against our agreement. I want you to follow through on what we agreed."

"I feel upset when I don't get the recognition I think I deserve, because I worked very hard on that project. I want some acknowledgment of my contribution."

"I feel angry when you track dirt on the kitchen floor because I just cleaned it. I want you to leave your muddy shoes at the doorway under the coat rack."

Even when expressing anger, you can communicate love and respect for the other person. A gentle touch on the shoulder and a calm voice, even when the words are expressing a feeling of anger, communicate to others that although you are angry, you still care about them and value the relationship. By expressing anger calmly, you are more likely to be able to explore with the other person the sources of your anger and how such a situation may be prevented in the future. When anger is recognized and approached calmly, respectfully, with the intention of strengthening the relationship and not hurting it, anger can actually encourage growth and intimacy.

Make an Anger Bridling Plan.

As you read over the ideas above, have you noted any that might help you bridle your anger? Pick one of your anger triggers and come up with a plan for dealing with it. Don't try to deal with all your triggers at oncestart with one. Make a chart like the one shown below.

My Anger Bridling Plan (Example)

My anger triggers
1. Jason refuses to do his chores

Physical reactions and thoughts
1. My face gets flushed and my heart starts pounding. I think, "What do I have to do to get you to move!"

My typical actions
1. Yelling, ordering, threatening.

What I will do instead
1. Go to my room, do deep breathing, repeat the word "relax" in my mind until I feel calm.

2. Go back to Jason and restate his job, and then say: When you refuse to do your job, I feel angry because we depend on everyone to carry their weight in the family. I expect you to complete your job before you go to your friend's house

Some of us may have become so accustomed to destructive expressions of anger that we find it difficult to apply the ideas listed above. Reactions to certain anger triggers may have become so ingrained that it seems impossible to change them alone. If this is so, get help from a trusted and trained professional or minister who can help you deal with your anger.

Handling Other's Anger

Dealing with our own anger is one thing. But how do we deal with others' anger? When anger is directed toward us, what steps can we take to defuse a tense situation? Colorado Extension Specialist Robert Fetsch provides helpful hints in his publication, "Dealing With Others' Anger."

When confronted with the anger of others, therapists and educators recommend a combination of communication and problem-solving strategies. First take steps to protect yourself from any potential violence (leave, go to a safe house, wait until your partner is sober, etc.). Often a "time-out period" reduces the hostility level. To help reduce chances of aggression, experiment with the following five steps.

Ask, "What is it you are angry at me about?" and listen for the unmet expectation, need or demand. Check out their meaning. For example, a parent may ask a teen, "So, you want me to drive you both ways to your new job five days a week, right?" If the unmet expectation is not clear to you, you can always ask, "What is it you want now?"

Be sure to be as empathic and understanding as possible. Suspend all judgment. Genuinely strive to look at the situation through the other's eyes. Sometimes the urge to defend yourself is overwhelming, but don't! Instead, ask, "What did that mean to you?" If appropriate, paraphrase the other person's viewpoint. A parent might say, "So, after you told me I'd have to drive you to and from work because this is your first job and you really worked hard to get it and I said, 'Let's talk about it later,' you felt like I was putting you off. Do you think that means I don't care about you?" Listen and paraphrase until the speaker indicates you've got their viewpoint.

Third, whether your critic is wrong or right, find some way to agree. Having a "we-can-solve-this-problem attitude" helps a lot. For example, "I have to agree that I was in a rush when you announced your new job. You're right?it would have been better if I'd explained that I had to go to the office in five minutes for an important meeting, but that I really do care about you and your new job and would love to hear about it later."

Fourth, ask "What do you want (of me) now?" During the time you take to listen for the unmet expectation, empathize with the other person's viewpoint and tell them where you agree, much of the intense anger disappears. A clue that the time is ripe is when you hear an audible sigh as the angry person takes a deep breath and the energy shifts. Once the anger has subsided in both you and your critic, ask the question. Your critic might say something like: "You're the parent and I want you to show you care about my life, too, by driving me to and from work."

Fifth, negotiate a win-win agreement. Explain your viewpoint tactfully and assertively negotiate differences. For instance, "I'll tell you what, since your job is not that far from school and 3:30 is a busy time for me, why don't you walk to work from school and I'll pick you up at 6:30 every day? Can we try this for a couple of weeks and see if it works?"

Of course, not everyone wants to work out a win-win solution to a problem. If you use some of these steps and find yourself feeling more angry for what the person is saying or doing, stop and ask yourself, "What's going on? Do I feel like I'm losing and the other person is winning?" If so, check this out with the other person by saying something like "I started this conversation with a win-win attitude. Now I feel like we're in a you-win I-lose situation. Is that what you want? Are you willing to go back with me to a win-win attitude?" If they're willing, proceed. If not, it may be time to seek the help of an impartial third party.

Three additional strategies may help handle others' anger:

Use the person's name. This will help you get the angry person's attention.

Slow down and lower your voice. When someone is very angry, his or her speech will usually be very rapid. Slowing down your rate of speech and lowering your voice may lead the angry person to a more reasonable tone.

Sit down. Sitting make you less intimidating. It also slows an angry person's rapid thoughts and words. Ask the angry person to take a seat beside you as you discuss the problem. Sitting next to a person (versus across from them) is a more supportive position.

Spend some time learning about anger, what provokes anger in you and what calms you down. Then choose to express anger constructively so that its expression builds rather than damages relationships. Deal with others' anger toward you in ways that can actually help defuse their anger.

Sourced By: TheSAMIgroup.com

http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/pubs/mt200004.html

Stress Relief and Anger Prevention

2008-03-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Stress is a part of our everyday lives: struggling with your four-year-old over breakfast food, having the car overheat in traffic, running late to pick up at the child care center, confronting family members about chores and household responsibilities.

Sometimes the accumulation of stresses can result in your losing your temper. All too often it is children who receive the outburst. For some families, this is an isolated flare-up and everyone recovers and moves on. For others, explosions become more frequent and can result in problematic behaviors in their children.

Once you've lost your temper with your child, it can be easy to lose it again. The more you learn about stress and ways to manage your anger, the better prepared you will be.

The Daily Routine

For many households, just the daily rituals and routines create tremendous stress. Often the areas of conflict are around chores, homework, meals, sibling relationships, and bedtime. A good starting point is to decide which behaviors are most difficult for you and then develop a list of rules and appropriate consequences to address them. Make the rules clear and enforce them consistently.

It is helpful to redefine what is most important to you and then prioritize. For example, if getting out of the house on time in the morning is most important, then maybe the beds will not always be made. Planning ahead is valuable and you can often turn routine chores into more meaningful time. Choosing clothes the night before with your child can allow you to giggle together over clothes that don't match instead of heading for a disagreement in the morning.

You are more likely to lose your temper when you are tired or overworked. Try to be aware of your limits and recognize when you begin to feel overwhelmed. Before you head for home, take a break, go for a quick walk or plan an event to look forward to. Talk to friends, family and your child care provider to let them know how you feel. They may help you sort through your feelings and maybe they can give you some time for yourself.

Ages and Stages

The first step for every parent is to identify the feeling you are having as anger. In some situations, an understanding of your child's developmental stage can help you avoid getting angry with your child. Hearing your infant cry for long periods of time can make you feel angry with your child, but the anger is actually due to feelings of frustration and inadequacy at not knowing how to comfort your baby. A direct expression of anger towards your baby will not be helpful. Similarly, your preschooler didn't purposefully break the plate and your twelve-year-old didn't deliberately forget his jacket at school. Most of your anger is with yourself at not being able to control the situation.

Not all anger is considered bad if it is used constructively to change things you don't like. With children who are preschool age and older you can talk afterwards, exchange an apology and acknowledge there will always be arguments. There may be better ways to work things out or you might step back later and see a bit of humor in an argument. Start a pattern in your family of always talking things over after the heat of the moment is past.

If you are no longer focusing your attention on the problem at hand, your anger has taken over. Separate out other issues, previous conflicts with your child, and the accumulated stress of your day and focus only on the present situation. As soon as you feel your anger is inappropriate or no longer productive, you should walk away. It may be best to go into another room to cool off for awhile or call on your networks to get some time for yourself.

Holidays

For many families the joys of the holidays are mixed with the strains of visiting relatives, shopping, the change of family routines, travel and unsolicited advice. It can be difficult to keep the spirit of the season when there are so many changes to adjust to. After the initial excitement, the strain usually starts to show. No matter how much you try or plan ahead, there are bound to be moments that are very frustrating, embarrassing or completely unexpected. To ease the stress, here are a few suggestions to keep in mind.

Talk ahead of time with your friends and relatives to find out exactly what is planned. You can determine what special arrangements or foods will be needed. If you will be traveling, pack the essentials along with favorite lovies and some familiar snacks to help your child handle delayed meals. Ask ahead for help in meeting the needs of your child in a place away from home and once there, relax your rules and restrictions. For a temporary situation it's fine for your child to stay up later or have an extra treat. Above all, maintain your sense of humor to keep the holidays fun.

Coping Strategies

*Simplify whenever possible. To help plan for the morning rush, have clothes laid out, lunches packed and shoes located the night before.

*Be ready to be flexible. You can't prepare for everything and there are bound to be conflicts along the way. If your child insists on the plaid shirt with the striped shorts, avoid an argument and let it go. Ask yourself if it will really matter a week from now.

*Remember all children go through ages and stages. Before you get angry, remind yourself that you can expect typical behavior patterns as your child grows.

*Talk to your child care provider and let her know when you feel stressed or angry. She may have suggestions for you to help minimize your frustrations.

*As soon as you feel your anger is not appropriate, walk away and reach out to others for support.

*Try using humor to gain compliance. You might challenge your child who is always running late in the morning to a race to see who is ready first and out the door on time.

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.childcareaware.org/en/subscriptions/dailyparent/volume.php?id=15

Stressed Out? Angry? Mad? Here are some way's to help

2008-03-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

Trust me, there isnt an adult in this world who doesnt get angry or
stressed.......why do you think there are so many self help books.

Stress and Anger affect everyone.

I don't think there are many differences between how children and adults need to handle anger. Dealing with anger is a lifelong task and skill we all have to develop.

Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. From time to time we all experience this very powerful feeling. Some of the common causes of anger include frustration, hurt, annoyance, disappointment, harassment and threats. It is helpful to realize that anger can be our friend or foe, depending on how we express it. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach goals, handle emergencies, solve problems and even protect our health. However, failure to recognize and understand our anger may lead to a variety of problems. We all get angry, even adults. The key is to learn how to understand what makes us mad.

*Identify the problem: What is contributing to your stress and how does it become a problem for you

*ALWAYS REMEMBER: CALM DOWN FIRST BEFORE YOU REACT

1.) Next time you are really mad, write down your feelings.

*Keep an angry journal.

*Express yourself on paper.

*This helps to get the anger out.

2.) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. This will help you gain a different perspective. Keep in mind that we are all humans, subject to making mistakes.

3.) Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations
When you do something that makes you mad at yourself, lighten up a bit, and laugh at
yourself, we all make mistakes. If ya know you made one, your on the right track.

4.) It is also important that you practice trusting other people. It's usually easier to be angry than to trust, so by learning how to trust others you are less likely to direct your anger at them

5.) Learn how to assert yourself. This is a constructive alternative to aggression. When you find yourself angry at another person, try to explain to them what is bothering you about their behavior and why. It takes more words and work to be assertive than it does to let your anger show, but the rewards are worth it.

*If you live each day as if it were your last, you will realize that life is too short to get angry over everything.

6.) Learn how to forgive, it is human to make mistakes.

A good way to relax when stressed is to take some alone time.........go for a walk, put your headset on and enjoy some mellow music.

Do peaceful things.

Try some activites that are mellow and relaxing.

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/9691/teenanger.html

Teen Angst or Dangerous Anger? 6 Signs

2008-03-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

How to tell if it's normal adolescent moodiness -- or a symptom of more serious trouble.

When Angela’s 15-year-old son, Mark, started hanging out exclusively with the “death metal” crowd, wearing only dark clothes and dying his hair, she fretted. Was this run-of-the-mill teen angst, or something more troubling? Then Mark quit the school play, and one day Angela got a call from the principal, saying Mark had vandalized computers in the school’s library. Now she became really worried.

Erratic teenage behavior is an age-old concern for parents. But in the wake of violent events such as Colorado’s 1999 Columbine High School massacre and the recent mass shooting at Virginia Tech -- even though such incidents are extremely rare -- many adults find themselves taking their kids’ moods seriously. Are they wrestling with “normal” teenage emotions or showing signs of a problem with depression or anger, perhaps even one that could spiral out of control?

Parents are right to pay attention. Serious mental health problems are a real issue for some teens. According to recent research reported in American Family Physician, “At any given time, up to 15% of children and adolescents have some symptoms of depression. Five percent of those 9 to 17 years of age meet the criteria for major depressive disorder.”

But not every instance of a teen acting out is a red flag. Jeffrey Bostic, MD, director of the School Psychiatry Program at Massachusetts General Hospital and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says a certain amount of rebellion and experimental behavior is normal for teenagers. “Everybody goes through a phase,” he says, “where they will pick more fights or get more piercings or tattoos or whatever is in vogue for their generation.”

However, Bostic explains, when a teen starts to show signs of feeling “isolated from the herd,” bad things can happen. While he notes it’s dangerous to believe that you can add up the risk factors and conclude a violent event will result, Bostic has identified several signs that may indicate something more serious than normal teen angst is going on.

6 Signs of Dangerous Teen Anger

Cry for help. “When a kid tells you, ‘I’m going to do some kind of harm,'" says Bostic, “they’re seeking an intervention.”

Extreme identification. Teens who start to identify exclusively with one clique or subculture and “want to go to war with all the other groups” have crossed the line into dangerous thinking.

Communication blackout. When teens stop talking to other adults and peers altogether, they are likely feeling an extreme degree of social isolation.

Violence. It may seem obvious, but too many parents miss this cue, says Bostic. A pattern of violent activities such as hitting or vandalism can foreshadow future harmful acts.

Dropping out. A sudden disengagement from activities such as music, sports, or theater or an overnight drop in grades can lead to involvement in more risky behavior. A teen who stops identifying with others may have no qualms about doing them harm.

Substance abuse: Especially combined with the above behaviors, drug and alcohol use may relax mental barriers and lead teens to harmful activities they otherwise might avoid. Keep in mind that street drugs aren’t the only hazard; teens also can abuse household cleaning products, aerosol sprays, adult prescription drugs, and over-the-counter cold medications.

Sourced by: TheSAMIGroup.com

www.webmd.com

Setting Limits to Make Your Child Less Fearful

2008-03-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

By Scott A. Wardell, the Official Guide to Child Development

My Child Is Afraid
& My Child Is Afraid To Try Something New

Child psychology specialist contend that experiencing fear is normal. Adults are aware that fear is a feeling that will pass normally after a short period of time. Children who have not had all the experiences that adults have had are often more anxious and cautious. One role in parenting children includes helping our children cope with their fears.

Some of the most common fears that occur in children between the ages of 5 and 6 include the fear of school, the dark, small animals, heights, water and getting lost.

Children between the ages of 6 and 11 years of age are often afraid of thunder and lightening, dentist and doctors, airplanes and robbers. Children 12 and up often have social fears. They want to “fit in” and fear that they may not measure up to the standards that are set by their peers. Rejection is a common fear in this age group. Taking test, giving oral reports, being embarrassed and dating are also common.

What Can Parents Do?

• Don’t dismiss your child’s fears. Refrain from making comments such as “Stop being silly. You have nothing to fear.” Instead make supporting statements such as “I know you are afraid of getting on the bus. Your best friend and I will be there with you.”

• Let your child know that being afraid or having fears are okay.

• Gradually help your child to overcome a fear. If the child is trying something new, it may take more time. Be patient.

• It’s important that you do not become fearful of their fears, but confident that you have the ability to help your child work through the situation. Fear can be contagious.

• Help your child build a sense of control. Many children are fearful or afraid to try something new because they do not feel in control. For example: A child who is afraid to have friends over because they do not know what will happen or how to behave may be more comfortable starting with one friend at a time. As the parent, you may have to help by being the activity director. Help plan the activities with your child and make separate plans just in case the friend is fearful of trying the activity.

• Children who are fearful need to be in an atmosphere that is safe and has boundaries. Parents need to set limits. Some children, who do not exhibit fears, may develop a fear due to a lack of rules, boundaries and limits set by the parent. Safety rules for bike riding, seat belts in cars and fire safety readiness are examples of rules that need to be established to help our child feel in control and sucure.

• If your child is exhibiting on-going fears, crying or continually refusing to try something new, inform your medical doctor. Some fears grow into phobias and need to be addressed by a trained medical professional. If the fear is school related, speak with the school counselor, social worker, psychologist, nurse, teacher or administrator.

Trying Something New

• Be aware of the developmental stage that your child is at. Do not force your child to try something new, but encourage your child to try. If you show signs of anger or frustration over your child’s fear, shyness or lack of confidence, this may only delay your child’s ability to overcome the fear.

• Do not convey your own personal fears to the child. For example: If you are afraid of the water and participating in swim lessons, speak to the swim instructor so that he or she may pay special attention to your child. You may want to take a separate lesson yourself.

• Some children are afraid of trying something new due to a fear of failure. If this is the case, reduce competition and allow your child to try the new activity in a setting where the number of children involved is low.

• Accompany your child when he or she is trying a new activity.

• If your child often refuses to make any attempt in trying new activities, offer alternative activities. For example: “ You may either join Cub Scouts or the AWANA church activity. I will become a leader in either activity. Which one do you want to join?”

• Make “trying something new” a family practice. Parents need to show their children that they can make new friends and invite friends over to play cards etc. Get the whole family involved in a new activity together. Do volunteer work. The YMCA, Community Education Programs and local church programs are great places to start. You no not need a lot of money to get your family doing something together.

Author's Bio

Scott Wardell is the SelfGrowth Official Guide to Child Development. He’s the creator and author of ScottCounseling.com. Scott has twenty-eight years in education and counseling experience. Visit ScottCounseling.com and receive online counseling services.

Additional Resources covering Child Development can be found at:

Website Directory for Child Development
Articles on Child Development
Products for Child Development
Discussion Board
Scott Wardell, the Official Guide To Child Development

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

Parents Under Stress: Surviving The Thoughest Job You'll Ever Love

2008-03-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Here is some help to get you through the frustrations and stresses of parenthood so you can focus on just enjoying your children.

Managing Parental Stress (16)

Parenting Skills (19)

Pregnancy Stress - The Risks, and How To Avoid Pregnancy Stress
Pregnancy in itself can bring a lot of stress. Learn about some of the effects of pregnancy stress, and how to relieve stress during pregnancy and afterward.

Stress Ads
*What Causes Stress

*Stress at Workplace

*Overcome Stress

*Stress Games

*Eliminate Stress

*Common Causes of Stress for Mothers
Children tend to bring great joys, as well as many challenges. If you're a mother feeling stress, you're not alone. Here are some common causes of stress, with resources for help.

*Kid Stress and Happiness: How Kids In Your LIfe Can Impact Happiness and Stress
The role of children in your life can impact your happiness and stress level-for better or worse. Learn more about how kid stress can negatively impact your happiness, and how children can also enhance the level of happiness you experience in your life, and find resources for managing stress and dealing with special needs, infertility, and more.

*Parents and Stress:
Stress Relievers You Can Do With Your Children
As any parent will tell you, even the best children can create stress for their parents at times. While lifestyle factors play a role, and self care strategies are important, it's also essential to have some stress relievers up your sleeve that can be done with your children, so you can both relieve stress at the same time. The following are stress relieers for parents that can be done while caring for children.
*Parents and Depression: Who's At Risk And Why?

Recent research has shown that parents are more likely than non-parents to suffer from symptoms of depression. Also, learn who's more and less likely to experience depression: non-custodial parents, parents of minors, parents of small children, mothers, fathers, married parents, single parents, parents of adult children, and others. Learn more about these findings, discover some of the reasons behind this, and find resources to help manage parental stress and stay emotionally healthy.

Stress-Free Driving

2008-03-12T05:30:00.000-07:00

You don't have to let traffic get the best of you. Try these simple stress-relief techniques to put the brakes on road rage.

Check out this video

Finding an Antidote to the Poison of Shame

2008-03-11T05:30:00.000-07:00

Every time Grace, a gifted drama teacher, taught a class, she returned home with an awful sinking feeling. She didn’t understand why. “I had such fun and did a great job,” she thought to herself. Yet, rather than expand from the delight and exuberance of her time in the classroom, she contracted. Grace’s contraction comes from the experience of shame, a poison that keeps us from experiencing our own joy and disconnects us from the aliveness within and around us. Where as guilt is associated with a particular memory or event and having done something wrong, the feeling of shame is about being wrong at our core. It is a debilitating feeling we have about ourselves that comes from a core belief that we are basically and unalterably flawed.

Sources of Shame, The poison that is the root of shame is absorbed in early childhood. As a result of not being seen and loved for who we are, we develop the belief that we are unlovable and that something is inherently wrong with us. Perhaps we were told outright that we were bad, stupid or undeserving, or perhaps we were physically abused, from which we concluded we had no value.

The thing we may have done “wrong” might have been simply expressing our joyful authenticity. Like Grace, we learned that it is not safe to be who we truly are. Purpose of Shame, Oddly enough, shame gives us the illusion of safety. It provides us with a feeling of control over other people’s feelings and actions. If we are not getting what we want in life—in our personal relationships, in our work, even in our experience of self—a sense of power comes from “knowing” that it is because we are inadequate. If our perceived "defectiveness" is causing the results we see, we believe there is always something we can do about it. We can do things “right.” Clinging to the belief that our inadequacy is the cause of other people’s behavior towards us prevents us from accepting our inherent helplessness over others’ feelings and actions. When we begin to understand that all people at all times are simply exercising their free will and it has nothing to do with us,healing can begin. The poison of shame can be eradicated by taking certain steps towards healing.

• The first step is to identify your shame, to become aware of how it
feels in your body.

• Once you recognize the feeling, notice shame every time it arises and
experience it fully; name it and feel it.

• Be willing to express your authentic feelings—including your joy
and sense of true power. Reverse the shutting down effect shame causes
by giving yourself permission to fully “show up.”

• Accept that other people’s feelings have nothing to do with you. With
compassion, choose to no longer take their behavior personally.

• Practice forgiveness—for those whose behavior led to you feeling
shamed, and for yourself.Please don’t hesitate to call if you’d like help releasing the false belief that you are defective so that you
can affirm the unique and marvelous
individual that you are.

Sourced By: www.TheSAMIGroup.com

10 Ways to Start (and Maintain) a Good New Year

2008-03-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

The best way to have a good year is by living life fully on a daily basis, and by
letting the good days accumulate, one by one. And it doesn't have to be New Year's
Day to make the resolution to have a good year. Start anytime. Today, for instance.

1. Take time and slow down. Be mindful of the present moment.

2. Care for your body. Eat well, exercise, treat yourself to loving,
nurturing self-care.

3. Spend quality time with family and friends. Communicate, keep in touch. Say “I love you.” Tell people you appreciate them.

4. Take time to renew yourself. Take a walk, read a poem or a good book, listen to music. Bring beauty into your life. Retreat from your
daily routine.

5. Clean up what needs to be cleaned up. Make amends,fix what's broken, clear away clutter, forgive what needs to be forgiven and let go.

6. Commit to a project you really want to do. Learn something new, or go for what you want. Set achievable goals and work towards them every day.

7. Give yourself to a cause. Volunteer at a nonprofit organization, a
community group, or your church, or lend a hand to an individual or family who could use your help.

8. Practice your spirituality. In whatever form you express it, practice daily.

9. Laugh every day.

10. Take time to dream. What will make this a great year?

The "Active" Leader Within: Harnessing Non-Conscious Brain Power to Move from Ideas to Action

2008-03-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

With our constant stream of emails, voicemails, meetings, conference calls, pages, faxes and so on, it is a minor miracle that any of us can accomplish anything. With our Blackberrys surgically implanted into our hands, our time is sliced so thinly
that we never have the focused time to develop the big-picture perspective
required for an action plan, let alone the time to execute it
“Daily routines, superficial behaviors, poorly prioritized or
unfocused tasks leech managers’capacities—making unproductive
busyness perhaps the most critical behavioral problem” in business today, contend Heike Bruch and Sumantra Ghoshal in their book A Bias for Action.
For so many of us—whether CEOs for major corporations, small business
owners or solo-entrepreneurs—there is a fundamental disconnection
between knowing what should be done and actually doing it. Calling
this disconnection the “knowing- doing gap,” Stanford University
researchers Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton pose the question: “Why does knowledge of what needs to be done frequently fail to result in action or behavior consistent with that knowledge?”
Is there anyone in business today who hasn’t wondered the same thing?
The answer, argue Bruch and Ghoshal, is both simple and
profound. They sum it up with the term “willpower.” The problem
they say is not that managers’ time is sliced, but that their intention or
“volition” is sliced as well.Getting things done requires two
critical components: energy and focus.And both are at risk in the modern
workplace. Building a bias for action in yourself and your organization requires developing and reinforcing the skills to become a “purposeful” or “volitional” manager. These are people who can consistently achieve their objectives by making
an unconditional commitment to their goals and then leveraging the
power of that intention to overcome the obstacles in their way, whether
their own doubts or the bureaucracies within their organizations.
“Purposeful action-taking depends on engaging the power of the non-
conscious mind,” according to John Assaraf of One Coach. “Not only does your non-conscious mind galvanize your mental and emotional energy, it also enables you to make your intention happen against the most powerful odds: distractions,
temptations to move in a different direction, self-doubt, and negativity. Non-conscious brain power is the force that strengthens your energy and sharpens your focus throughout the action-taking process.” Anutza Bellissimo of the Stress
& Anger Management Institute identifies four key steps that form the basis of uccessfully taking action:Gain clarity of your beliefs To work, your goals must be in alignment with your core beliefs. Your professional beliefs must be aligned with your personal beliefs so you can clearly visualize its success.
Your beliefs will affect your habits and your perceptions.Empower your conscious mind
This is the key step. When we do not take the time to align our
beliefs with our intentions, a chaotic mental vibration causes us to feel
uncomfortable; doubts, fear or anxiety begin to set in. This leads
to the amygdala releasing stress hormones and we revert to our old habits, thereby creating difficulty in accomplishing our new goals.Protect your intention Once you have made your commitment, you have to protect it from forces both within yourself and your organization.Disengage from your intention. The point of success—or failure—
from which you walk away and take up the next challenge depends on whether or not you can allow the seed you have planted to grow. Many times we stunt our own growth by not allowing the changes we’ve put into place to naturally come to life. From the commitment comes both the emotional energy and the focus that are critical to your success. In short, the process of getting things done in business is pretty much the same as in any other aspect of life: The only things that get done are
those that you genuinely believe in, and believe will get done.To your success! [The SAMI Group provides individual coaching and group classes on the power
of the non-conscious mind and how to use your brain power to harness your
ultimate goals and success. Please call for
an appointment at 310-372-3765.
The "Active" Leader Within:
Harnessing Non-Conscious Brain Power to Move from Ideas to Action

Reclaim Life through Transition

2008-03-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

One of the experiences that we can count on in this life is change. Transition. We are going along living our life and all of a sudden the way we experience life is altered. The changes we encounter can be varied, from the joy of having a new baby to the grief of a loved one dying. All transitions give us a new opportunity to reclaim our lives!

Many transitions have a sense of loss. Even if you are moving into an amazing new life, there may be times at which you grieve the old way of being. Here are some of the dynamics of transitions:

* A shift within yourself leads to an external shift.

* An external shift in your world leads to an internal shift.

* There may be an internal experience of shock, denial, bargaining, anger, sadness and acceptance.

* You may feel they are on an emotional roller coaster.

* Strengths occur that you may not have known that you possess.

* There can be many areas of personal growth.

* This can be a time of relearning about your world.

* There may be a realization of how prevalent the unknown really is.

* Transitions pick up the residuals of what we have not completed.

* Who you thought you were changes. This is a time of redefining and remembering the Self.

* Woven throughout this may be a sense of excitement.

This period of transition offers many new possibilities. We get a chance to reflect on what is important to us. We can become clear of what has been draining us. There is an opportunity to eliminate the aspects in our life that no longer support us (beliefs, people, stuff, etc). At various times we become aware that anything is possible, which increases our curiosity. What new changes might come from this? We become aware of how strong we are. "If I can move through this, I can do anything!"

The choices that you make during a transition will affect how your life will be in the future. I like to call this "webbing." Imagine a spider building a web. One thread leads to the next thread which leads to the next, and at some point the web is complete. Each thread is an integral part of the web. Are you creating your web with thoughts or actions of blame, shame or retaliation? Do you spend time in judgment of yourself or others? Transitions are an excellent time to become aware of your thoughts and feelings. What are you telling yourself about this experience? Are you giving yourself permission to feel? A helpful question to ask your self is "How do I choose to be today?"

Here are some strategies that you can implement to ease any transition:

* Create a routine for yourself.

* Surround yourself with supportive people (friends, support groups, hiring a coach, etc).

* Give yourself time for reflection (journaling, being out in nature, watching your kids play, etc).

* Simplify.

* Increase your self-care.

* Ask for help.

* Become sensitive to your intuition (listen, trust and take action from inspiration).

Transitions can propel your life into amazing new places, which can give you the room you need to reclaim your life!

Author: Lynne Morrell

Emotional Intelligence - Views Of Daniel Goleman On Its Effect On Us!

2008-01-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

Emotional intelligence constitutes one particular side of your personality. It revolves around you being yourself. Specialist concur that with the exception of your intellectual quotient, how well you do in the future is considerably determined by emotional quotient. It is true that we arrive at our conclusions by means of our intellect. This is precisely what we avail of in cranial analysis as well as for retaining information critical to generating the answers with regard to the circumstances that we confront.

Since a long time, a vast majority believed that IQ was the sole factor, which tends to give us directions in life.

At one time, people did not take into account that emotions played a major role in giving rise to vital decisions. In addition, they have looked upon emotions as a nuisance that prevents us from enjoying life to the fullest. Emotions were often deemed as irritants that hindered right thinking.

But, the passage of time necessitated that we modify our opinions and persons were born to pass on our perspective. One such person is the precursor of emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and writer.

We are continuously carrying on a conversation with the person seated close by. During this process of interface, a whole host of skills is required to ascertain if it is effective or unfavorable to the concerned person. We require thorough analysis, social skills, abilities to express ourselves in a proper manner as well as the capability to direct things into fruitful means of interface. Apart from these, there are many other critical facets of living, which we need to discover.

Any setbacks with regard to any of these will tend to bring about what is termed the domino effect regarding the way in which we carry on our lives and also in developing friendly relations with not only ourselves but also with the persons whom we know on a personal level.

Emotional intelligence covers all of the above.
People with elevated levels of emotional intelligence tend to be prominent even if they are facing a challenge from persons whose IQs are equally high. It is not a bad sign to be considered intelligent. It is simply that where everything is concerned, we need to strike a balance and agreement.

Since a long time, the sole deciding factor of contended living is the capability to think properly. However, due to studies Daniel Goleman developed as well as the book on Emotional Intelligence, people's opinions on right living underwent a drastic transformation.

Both Daniel Goleman as well as his book titled Emotional Intelligence rerouted our single-mindedness from a higher IQ to that of a higher EQ. Specialists have today recognized that individuals who carry out their tasks effectively are not just those considered book smarts. Actually, there are several scenarios when those that are street smart plus emotionally intelligent persons garner the fruits of success.

Now, we can ascertain emotionally intelligent persons by means of their exhibition of different behaviors that separate them from persons with higher IQ but unstable emotions.

There are many people blessed with the aptitude to persist, empathize, and restrain themselves. Then there are persons capable of resolving issues by employing their finest decisions as well as those capable of connecting with people. In addition, there are people who can restrain their inclinations and those capable of maintaining relationships. They come in several faces and every one of them has traits vastly dissimilar from each other.

Now, all these aptitudes are derived from their abilities to be conscious of their very own feelings as well as the sentiment expressed by others. They perfectly understand how and why they respond in the manner, they do. Perhaps, they have a higher level of social intelligence and intrapersonal intelligence, which are useful in arriving at decisions and knowledge of themselves as well as the people with whom they are interfacing.

While there is no possibility that everyone is blessed with greater IQs, all males have equal prospects of developing emotional intelligence because this constitutes an extremely dynamic facet of personality.

Author: Abhishek Agarwal

What Is Emotional Intelligence ?

2007-12-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

Emotional Intelligence or commonly known as EQ is a relatively new field of psychology. Emotional intelligence means the ability for a person to access, influence and conclude our emotions and also the emotions of other people around us.

The term emotional intelligence was first made popular by Daniel Goldman with his book Emotional Intelligence and since then many researchers have began studies in this new field of psychology. Since then, we have understood a lot more about emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence can be broken into 4 separate entities namely

1. Empathy : the ability for a person to be able to perceive the emotions of others around him/her and acknowledge those feelings.

2. Relationships : the ability for a person to be able to handle negotiations and mediations.

3. Self Awareness : the ability for a person to understand his/her own feelings, know what they means and acknowledging these feelings.

4. Handle Emotions : the ability for a person to manage and handle their own personal feelings responsibly and accurately depending on the situation.

Since everyone of us handle each emotion differently under different situations, it is also the reason why researchers are finding it difficult to measure emotional intelligence accurately.

Over the years, there are certain rules in emotional intelligence that seems to apply to the majority of us though. And we can train ourselves to be better equip to handle these emotions when it comes. Training your emotions takes time and being self aware of them.

Unlike IQ where it is innate and some people are just born to be a genius. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed. In fact, emotions were not even implanted on us when we were still a baby or in the mother's womb. It is through the interactions with our environment and the people that we developed these emotions.

Author: Ricky Lim
http://www.articlesbase.com/-articles/what-is-emotional-intelligence--79299.html
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

Anger Control for Men

2007-12-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

Life provides men with an endless supply of things to get angry about. There’s the sullen waitress who refuses to look in your direction while you wave desperately for the check. There’s the oaf who drifts across the road without ever using his blinker. There’s the dropped call, the tepid shower, the gum on the bottom of the shoe.

While it’s perfectly natural to get angry about any of these things, anger comes to some men more naturally than others. For the hot-tempered, the pettiest annoyance results in out-of-control anger. And some guys, despite the fact anger is listed among the deadly sins, genuinely like having a hot temper. It can be a source of pride and a badge of masculinity. Even if you’re not busting heads every weekend at a roadhouse, you might enjoy indulging your angry side. You might feel that anger helps you succeed and inspires respect.

But there’s a downside to the manful, short-fused Type A personality. “In researching people with this disposition, we found that anger and hostility may actually be lethal,” says Charles D. Spielberger, PhD, a distinguished research professor of psychology at the University of South Florida who’s been studying anger for 25 years. And he means lethal to the person who gets angry, not the one on the receiving end of the anger. The evidence that anger can detract from your health is mounting all the time. And of course, uncontrolled anger in men can leave your marriage and your career — not to mention your crockery — in pieces.

So what is this emotion that we all share but rarely think about? How do we know if our anger is out of control — and what is it doing to us?

Understanding anger

Is anger just an emotion? While we think of it that way, it’s really much more. “Anger is both psychological and physiological,” Spielberger tells WebMD. When you lose control of your anger during a traffic jam or at your son’s soccer game, your nervous system triggers a number of biological reactions:

Levels of hormones, like cortisol, increase.
Your breathing gets faster.
Your pulse gets faster.
Your blood pressure rises.
As you heat up, you begin to sweat.
Your pupils dilate.
You may notice sudden headaches.
Basically, your body is gearing up for intense physical activity. This is the “fight” part of the “fight or flight” response. If we’re exposed to something stressful, our bodies get ready to do battle or run away.

Spielberger says that anger is common because it has an evolutionary advantage. “Anger isn’t just a human emotion,” he says. “Fear and rage are common to animals too. They developed over eons to help creatures fight and survive.”

Don’t have a coronary, dude! Health risks of uncontrolled anger

The problem is that, nowadays, your body’s full-blooded physical response to anger isn’t always so useful. It might have come in handy when our ancestors were trying to club a cave bear to death. But it really doesn’t help much when you’re standing in a line at the DMV.

In fact, uncontrolled anger is worse than useless: It’s bad for you. Several studies have found a link between anger and disease. For instance, a large study of almost 13,000 people found that those who had high levels of anger — but normal blood pressure — were more likely to develop coronary artery disease or have a heart attack. The angriest were three times as likely to have a heart attack as the least angry.

So how does anger turn into disease? Your body’s physical reaction to anger is intended for the short-term — it gives you the immediate boost you need to survive. But if this explosion of hormones is triggered too often, you can suffer long-term effects. Anger’s stress hormones may contribute to arteriosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries that can cause heart attacks and strokes. These hormones may also increase levels of C-reactive protein (CRP), which causes inflammation and may also contribute to cardiovascular risk. One 2004 study in Psychosomatic Medicine found that people prone to anger had levels of CRP twice or three times as high as others. Anger can even cause electrical disturbances in the heart rhythm.

Anger has also been linked with depression. People who report being frequently angry are less likely to take care of themselves. They’re more likely to smoke, drink to excess, and eat badly, and they’re less likely to exercise. While it’s hard to say that in these cases anger is the cause, it’s certainly linked with a lot of unhealthy behaviors. Anger can also be an expression of feelings of helplessness or depression.

Controlling your anger
But Spielberger doesn’t want anger to be demonized. It’s not evil. “Anger is a natural, human emotion,” Spielberger says. “There’s nothing abnormal about it.”

He points out that when it’s correctly channeled, anger can be constructive. It can drive people to speak out and solve problems. It’s the impulse behind much great literature and music. The white hot anger of the righteous has often been a powerful, positive force in our world. But the problem is that for every man who uses his anger constructively, there are a dozen brawling knuckleheads who waste their lives making appearances in the local paper’s police blotter.

Since anger is natural, what are we supposed to do with it?

Spielberger says that there are two wrong things to do with it. One is to think that it’s healthy and normal to have uncontrolled anger released in an explosive rage. Some guys just assume that screaming at people, throwing things, and punching walls is cathartic and will make them feel better. In fact, getting into a rage can just ramp up your reaction — making you even less in control of your anger.

Here’s the other wrong thing: to push down the bile and keep smiling. Some men think that any expression of anger is unhealthy or antisocial and should be suppressed.

Studies show that both approaches — noisily expressing your anger or soundlessly burying it — are equally harmful and may pose the same health risks, Spielberger says. But if neither corking up your anger nor blowing your stack is a healthy option, what’s an angry man to do?

There is another option. Let anger out, but control it, Spielberger says. The first step is to become self-aware. Don't let yourself fly into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. It’s the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry.

Once you can identify the real problem, you can try to solve it rationally instead of getting pointlessly furious. If you’re angry with someone, talk about it in an assertive — but not aggressive — way. If a certain situation predictably sparks uncontrolled anger, learn how to prepare for it. Better yet, learn how to avoid the situation altogether in the future, if possible. The advantage to channeling your anger in this way is that you get a concrete benefit: You’re actually trying to deal with the problem rather than just yelling about it, and you’re more likely to get the result you desire.

Chill out, man: Tips for cooling down

Since feeling angry is in part a physical process, you won’t be able to just talk yourself out of it logically. Instead, you need to calm yourself down physically. With these techniques, you can lower your heart rate and blood pressure as well as control your anger.

Take a deep breath. Breathe in and out deeply from your diaphragm, which is under your chest bone. After a minute or so, you should feel some tension ebb away. The advantage to breathing exercises is that you can do them anywhere, says Spielberger. Once you’re good at them, you can even do them in the middle of a marital spat or a staff meeting.
Take a break. If you feel your anger getting out of control, get a change of scenery. If possible, leave the room or go for a walk.
Focus on something else. Count to 10. Try imagining yourself in a calm place. Or repeat a soothing word to yourself.
Get some exercise. Building physical activity into your schedule can be a great stress reliever.
More serious problems with anger need to be treated. Yeah, the phrase “anger management” can sound pretty feeble and goofy. It’s often seen (and used) as a punishment, a humiliation to be endured — like doing community service picking up litter on the freeway — rather than anything you’d ever want to seek out on your own.

But if you think uncontrolled anger is interfering with your life, get help before it’s court mandated. Learn how to turn your rage into something useful. Because taming your uncontrolled anger won’t only benefit the people around you — it will make your life better and healthier too.

Like any other human emotion, it’s how you use — not abuse — anger that matters.

By R. Morgan Griffin
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Amal Chakraburtty, MD
Reviewed on July 01, 2007
© 2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

8 Reasons To Slooow Down

2007-12-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

Winding down the pace of your life just a tad can make you happier and healthier. Here's how!

The Hurried Woman Syndrome. The good news: If you can learn to rush just a little bit less, studies show that you'll lower your risk for high blood pressure, have better relationships, and live longer. And no, you don't have to overhaul your schedule. "Slowing down just a few moments a day can be beneficial to your health," says Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., coauthor of Stress Free for Good. Below, the sweet rewards of downshifting — and simple ways to take it slow.

1. Slow down to lose weight.
One surprising source of stubborn extra pounds: eating on the fly. Gobbling your food doesn't give your stomach the 20 minutes it needs to signal your brain that it's full, making it easy to unknowingly cram in more calories than you need. What's more, postponing lunch or dinner to finish that one last thing slows calorie burn, according to a British study: If your body can't predict the timing of its next meal, it's more likely to store calories as fat as protection against starvation.

How to take it slow: Instead of wolfing down a meal mindlessly while you're watching TV or catching up on e-mail, turn off the technology and really chew each mouthful mindfully, paying close attention to the flavors and textures, suggests Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of 10 Habits That Mess Up a Woman's Diet. You'll learn to appreciate that eating is feeding your body and spirit. "And when you don't eat on autopilot, you naturally eat a little less," says Somer. Think about it: If you realize you're full before taking those final few bites and drop your fork, you may cut out as many as 100 calories a day — which is all it takes to drop 10 pounds in a year. So give yourself at least 20 minutes to enjoy a meal.

2. Slow down to be a better mom.
It's not easy to truly connect with your kids when there are toys to pick up, meals to prepare, and endless other chores to get done around the house. But the less time you spend doing things with your children when they're young, the greater the odds that you'll run into family conflict — quarreling frequently about curfews, smoking, alcohol use — when they hit adolescence, according to a study from the Netherlands.

How to take it slow: You don't necessarily need more time with your kids; you simply need to use the time you do have a little differently — namely, by focusing your full attention on the little moments. For instance, instead of assembling lunchboxes at the kitchen counter while your children eat breakfast, sit at the table with them and chat for a few minutes while sipping your coffee. Or stop folding laundry for five minutes and help build a Lego castle. These short bursts of shared do-nothing time really count: They let children know they're valued and loved and keep you in touch with the fulfilling joys of motherhood — plus, they pave the way for better communication when your kids hit their turbulent teens.

3. Slow down to make your sex life sizzle.
Chronic hurrying can raise levels of stress hormones that suppress your body's production of dopamine, a "feel-good" brain chemical that plays a key role in regulating your libido, according to Bost. As a result, you may find most nights that you're far more interested in snoozing than in sex. Needless to say, skipping the foreplay just so you can get to sleep sooner can also make for a pretty ho-hum sex life.

How to take it slow: The key to nudging your desire back to normal is simple: Before burrowing down into your pillow, take one minute to touch your husband's hand, look into his eyes, and say something, whether it's "How was your day?" or "I love you." Communicating with each other at the end of a busy day enhances intimacy, says Bost — and the closer you feel to him emotionally, the more you'll want him physically.

4. Slow down for a healthier heart.
If you fume in the face of any sort of delay, you may be putting your happiness and your heart health at risk. Those who hate to wait have an almost 50 percent higher risk of developing high blood pressure in the next 15 years compared with those who know how to Zen it, according to a Northwestern University study.

How to take it slow: The next time you feel yourself freaking out because the woman in front of you at the post office is taking ages to choose her stamps, say something calming to yourself, such as, In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter if my errand takes an extra two minutes. "When you think positive thoughts, your body and mind quickly relax," notes Luskin. Keep your cool by distracting yourself and tuning into your senses. Pay close attention to how beautiful someone looks (that baby being cradled nearby or a woman having a great hair day) or how pleasing the texture or color of some object is. Take a minute to just be in the moment rather than feeling like your life is on hold.

5. Slow down to boost your energy.
Living at a frenetic tempo leads you to breathe in shallow, stressed gulps, depriving your brain and body of sufficient oxygen, a key source of energy. The result: constant exhaustion and anxiety, says Luskin.

How to take it slow: Count to four while inhaling through your nose, then count backward from four to one while exhaling through your mouth. Pay attention to your belly — it should rise as you breathe in and fall as you slowly breathe out. Practice this every day, whenever you can remember (at your desk, in the shower — or in that line at the post office). It can help improve oxygen intake, lower your blood pressure, and amp up your energy level.

6. Slow down to get ahead at work.
Hurrying to finish projects at work, scheduling back-to-back meetings, and constant multitasking not only kill employees' creativity but also reduce their productivity, according to studies published in the Harvard Business Review. So much fast-moving activity allows no time for reflection (the source of creative solutions) and increases the odds that your work will be sloppy or that you'll make mistakes.

How to take it slow: Swap frenzied activity for focused action: Ask yourself, What should I do first? to determine which project is most important, then tackle it — and fight the tendency to jump back and forth between it and other to-do's. "Keep your eyes on the goal and you'll be able to give each task the time and attention required," says Jan Jasper, a productivity consultant in New York City. As an added perk, you'll have a greater sense of accomplishment at the end of the day and probably feel a whole lot calmer, too. You'll finish one or two tasks completely, rather than get four or five things partially done — which only leaves unfinished business hanging over your head.

7. Slow down for better fitness.
More and faster crunches and biceps curls aren't the key to greater strength, endurance, or calorie burning, according to a Journal of Sports Medicine study. In fact, women who did resistance-training two to three times per week using a superslow protocol (10 seconds lifting, four seconds lowering) had a 50 percent greater increase in strength after eight weeks compared with those who pumped iron at the normal, faster pace (two seconds up, four seconds down).

How to take it slow: Try the superslow protocol described above for strength. And if you're trying to increase your distance on the treadmill, slow your pace by about one minute per mile — you'll find you can easily add half a mile. Then, over time, gradually ratchet the tempo back up for the entire run.

Remember, too, that slower activities can burn serious calories. For example, those who practiced yoga regularly for four years were 80 percent more likely to maintain their weight and almost 400 percent more likely to lose pounds than those who didn't do yoga, according to a recent study from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle. Yoga is also calming and helps you live more mindfully even when you're not practicing, which makes it easier to recognize when you start slipping into overdrive throughout the day.

8. Slow down to travel safely.
The leading cause of death in women under age 35 is accidents, mainly car accidents. And one third of all fatal crashes are due to speeding. In fact, driving over 69 mph more than doubles your risk of a fatal car accident, according to a recent Canadian study.

How to take it slow: Easing off the gas pedal is the obvious first step. But how do you fight the urge to stay in the fast lane? Practice the mindful breathing technique described in the "Slow Down to Boost Your Energy" section above. Surf your radio for relaxing tunes. And remember this: If you continue to push the envelope by driving 15 mph over the speed limit, you may get pulled over for speeding, which means you'll end up being late and probably paying a hefty fine — not to mention potentially thousands of dollars in higher car insurance premiums. Just force yourself to get in the car 10 to 15 minutes earlier instead — your health is worth it.

Fast Enough for You?
Here's a snapshot of how hyper our culture has become:

The average workweek is 47 hours — up from 34 hours two decades ago.
There's no time for home-cooked meals: Children consumed 300 percent more food from fast food restaurants in 1996 than in 1977. Not surprisingly, one-third fewer families report regularly eating together today compared with three decades ago.
Most of us get 90 minutes less shut-eye per night than our great-grandparents did.
Almost 28 percent fewer families take vacations now than two decades ago.
55 mph was the national speed limit from 1973 to 1995; now, it's 65 mph to 75 mph in most states.

Take Back Your Time!
Sometimes it seems like enjoying a little time off is taboo in our country: Only 14 percent of Americans will take two or more weeks of vacation this year, and the United States is currently the only industrial nation without a law to protect its citizens' vacation times. But these workaholic ways are taking a toll on our well-being. "Americans are burned out. We have no time to rest and recuperate — and it's not healthy," says Lisa Stuebing, executive director of Take Back Your Time, an ongoing major U.S./Canadian initiative to combat the epidemic of overwork and overscheduling in North America. Research shows that people need at least two weeks' worth of vacation time to recover from the burnout that can lead to chronic stress. The Take Back Your Time campaign aims to guarantee those two weeks for all American workers with The Leave Protection, Family Bonding, and Personal Restoration Act, a bill that calls for a minimum of three weeks paid vacation. For more information, visit timeday.org.

8 Ways to Rev Down
Finding and creating moments for rest and reflection throughout your day is easier than you think.

Write in a journal. Letting your worries, thoughts, and dreams flow from your mind onto paper allows you to express your feelings rather than bottle them up, a habit that can lead to stress.

8 Ways to Rev Down continued...
Take the scenic route. The end of the day usually means the beginning of a hectic evening of household chores, dog walking, and getting the kids fed, bathed, and into bed. Rather than jumping directly from the frying pan into the fire, allow yourself some downtime during this transition: Skip your normal bumper-to-bumper highway commute and enjoy the slow and winding tree-lined back roads, or park your car and take a short walk around your neighborhood before you head home.

Nap. Indulging in a 30-minute midday snooze (at the park, in your car, or on the couch) gives your body and mind a cozy break and provides a natural boost in energy and brainpower.

Shower like you mean it. Sure, that morning shower is generally a blur of groggy, grumpy sudsing and rinsing. But it may also be one of the few opportunities in your entire day for a blissful, solitary moment. So spend an extra 10 seconds letting the warm water wash over you, break out the yummy-scented soap you've been saving (for what?), or try that new loofah.

Eat breakfast. Lack of time is the number one excuse women give for skipping breakfast. But taking just 10 minutes to nourish your body in the morning can prepare you, physically and mentally, for the day ahead. You'll handle whatever comes up with calm.

Floss. Nearly half of all Americans still don't floss daily, according to a recent survey — bad news since flossing has been linked with reduced risk of diabetes and heart disease. Plus, that two minutes of time provides an opportunity to think about the positive happenings of your day, prepping your brain for sound, restorative sleep.

Chop, chop! The repetitive motions of certain to-do's can be surprisingly meditative when you engage all of your senses. While you're chopping vegetables for dinner, tune in to the sound of the knife against the cutting board; soak up the colors of the veggies as the slices fall away; and smell the delicious food you're about to enjoy.

Talk to your guy. "Hi, honey, I'm leaving now. Can you pick up some bread on your way home, and I'll get the kids into the bath?" Sound familiar? The daily divide-and-conquer phone call with your guy doesn't have to be all business. Take a moment to ask how his day went, tell him about yours, or just say, "I love you."

Originally published on September 26, 2007
©2005-2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine
By Janis GrahamSourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

Genes And Stressed-out Parents Lead To Shy Kids

2007-12-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

ScienceDaily (Mar. 5, 2007) — New research from the Child Development Laboratory at the University of Maryland shows that shyness in kids could relate to the manner in which a stress-related gene in children interacts with being raised by stressed-out parents.

In a study published in the February issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science, Nathan Fox, professor and director of the Child Development Laboratory, and his team found that kids who are consistently shy while growing up are particularly likely to be raised by stressed-out parents, and to possess a genetic variant associated with stress sensitivity.

This suggests that shyness relates to interactions between genes and the environment, as opposed to either genes or the environment acting alone. "Moms who report being stressed are likely to act differently toward their child than moms who report little stress," said Fox. "A mom under stress transfers that stress to the child. However, each child reacts to that stress somewhat differently. Our study found that genes play a role in this variability, such that those children who have a stress-sensitive variant of a serotonin-related gene are particularly likely to appear shy while growing up when they also are raised by mothers with high levels of stress.

"We don't understand how the environment directly affects the gene, but we know that the gene shows particularly strong relationships to behavior in certain environments."
Like all genes, the particular serotonin-related gene examined in this study has 2 alleles, which can be long or short. The protein produced by the short form of the gene is known to predispose towards some forms of stress sensitivity.
Fox's research found that among children exposed to a mother's stress, it was only those who also inherited the short forms of the gene who showed consistently shy behavior.

"If you have two short alleles of this serotonin gene, but your mom is not stressed, you will be no more shy than your peers as a school age child," says Fox. "But we found that when stress enters the picture, the gene starts to show a strong relationship to the child's behavior," says Fox. "If you are raised in a stressful environment, and you inherit the short form of the gene, there is a higher likelihood that you will be fearful, anxious or depressed."
Fox's group studies how genes and the family environment work together to shape the development of social competence in infants and young children. "We are particularly interested in very shy children. What keeps them shy and what may change them from being shy to not being shy anymore?

"We identify these children early in the first years of life, but it's not enough to identify a child with a certain disposition or gene. We want to understand how the environment works together with genes, what are the mechanisms that shape behavior."

Adapted from materials provided by Association for Psychological Science.
Copyright © 1995-2007 ScienceDaily LLC — All rights reserved
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

Are You Spouses or Just Roommates?

2007-12-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

You've drifted into a sexless marriage. Can this relationship be saved? Yes, experts say.

There's no drama, no fighting. You've been together for years, raised kids and pets. The love is still there, but the spark just isn't. As months drift into years, you realize: You're in a sexless marriage.

Most married couples don't really know what to expect of a long-term relationship, says Diane Solee, MSW, a former marriage counselor who is the founder and director of Smartmarriages.com. She is also director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education.

"It's so normal to hit the doldrums. In a way, you should be smug about it," Solee tells WebMD. "You have a partner who is not bringing drama into your life. You're not going to alcohol or cocaine treatment classes. You are in a very good place. Realizing all that, your job is to get out of the doldrums. You may have gotten into a rut."

There's more at stake than simply boredom. Very often, couples are headed toward a bigger disconnect in the marriage -- and possibly divorce, says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology, psychiatry, and behavioral medicine at the University of Washington in Seattle.

Schwartz is on the Health Advisory Board at WebMD, and author of several books including Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.

Signs you're in the marital doldrums: "You're leading parallel lives, and don't see each other anymore," she tells WebMD. "You tell everything important to your friends but not to each other. Those are really big problems, and you've got to tend to them."

A sharp tongue is a red flag of growing frustration in a passionless marriage, Schwartz adds. "If you're bitchy, if you treat each other with contempt, it's a warning sign. It may not happen all the time, but it happens often. It's because people start to feel neglected, disappointed. They had expectations of what marriage should be like, and this is not what they'd hoped for."

In fact, boredom is very often a cover-up for anger and disappointment, Schwartz explains. "Those deeper feelings have to be dealt with. I'm not talking about deep therapy; it can happen in one or two visits. But there has to be a refocusing on the relationship... a renewal of what this marriage is supposed to be."

The Anatomy of Love
First step: Be realistic. If you're looking for the swept-off-your feet sex of those first few years, dream on. And a new partner certainly isn't the solution. Three years later, you'll have the same sizzle-less marriage you have right now.

"The initial passion of any relationship changes after 18 months," says Sallie Foley, MSW, director of the Center for Sexual Health at the University of Michigan. She is the author of Modern Love and Sex and Love for Grownups.

"It moves from the romantic and exciting to an attachment kind of loving, fondness," Foley tells WebMD. "That gotta have it, gotta have it feeling is gone."

Take stock of what you want, she advises. If you want a sex life, then commit to making it happen, Foley says. "Not everyone wants a sex life as they head into last third of life. But AARP studies show that 65% remain sexually active."
The Anatomy of Love continued...
Put aside the romanticized, silver-screen notions of sex, Foley says. "The majority of people your age are having good-enough sex. Occasionally, they have sex that knocks it out of the ballpark. But they're having sex regularly. They're getting into bed, hugging and touching, canoodling as I call it, and they're doing it on a regular basis."

You've also got to set aside negative attitudes about your spouse. "You have to give up fantasy notions that he or she is suddenly going to be 20 pounds lighter with no cellulite. You have to decide, 'This is what I want, how do I proceed,'" she advises.

Then, have "the talk" with your spouse. You have to be willing to say this to your partner: "We need to jazz up our sex life. We have fallen into some bad habits. I'm not going to settle for this level. We need to have sex, the same as we do other things that are important to us. We have to set aside time for it.'"

He's Just Not Up for It?
If your partner is unwilling, here's your dialogue: "We need to go for a brief round of counseling to get our priorities straight. I'm not willing to settle for a relationship where you sit in a chair, pop a few beers, and our sex life is over."

The stereotype of grumpy old men exists for a reason, Foley explains. "With aging comes an increase in depression and irritability. Women complain to me -- I was ready to try these things, but I couldn't get my partner to do it."

Often, the irritability and crankiness is actually masking anxiety and depression. If your partner is downright snarly about it, then you've got to stand your ground. "This isn't the kind of thing in this day and age that people live with," she says. "Our parents or grandparents may have lived that way, but we don't anymore."

With therapy and the right medication, the irritable anxiousness and depression can disappear. If your partner won't go to counseling, then you need to go alone, she says. "Counseling can help you figure out strategies to help yourself."

Put Sex on the Schedule
If you're both on the same page, it's time you put sex on the schedule. Think of it as exercise, your regular workout -- whatever time of day you choose. After all, sexual health is an important part of general health, Foley says.

"It's a very healthy thing for a partnership, there's no question about that," she tells WebMD. "People who have sex tend to feel closer, more intimate."

When you're over 40, there's definitely a "use it or lose it" aspect to sex, she adds. "That means you have to do it every day. You have to be committed to intimate time together. That doesn't mean every single time you take off your clothes and have sex. But set aside time just for the two of you."

Fall in Love Again
Outside the bedroom, you must make time for each other. "If you're bored, you can figure your partner is probably bored, too," says Solee. "Think what would put excitement into your life. Take responsibility for doing something about it. You really owe it to yourself."

Take a cooking class together, take up kayaking or dancing -- or sign up for a sex workshop, she advises. "Share each other's interests. Find new interests together. Single people can follow their own interests. You don't want to send your partner off to a class alone. Mother Nature abhors the doldrums, so don't let someone else fill it."

Trying something new requires a lot of focus -- and that's good for your sex life. "It's like when you had kids, or bought your first house. People actually fall in love again."

Between the sheets, keep things spontaneous and fun, she says. "The phone is turned off, the dog is behind the door. You get into bed with an attitude of good will. You don't have to have an attitude of 'complete hot.' That's a big misconception."

Allow each other plenty of sensual time to get warmed up. When you're over 40, foreplay is important in building arousal and desire. "When we're 20, it's all pretty straightforward -- desire, arousal, orgasm. After age 40, you need to give arousal more time. You get into bed, start doing it -- then you start feeling some physical arousal. That increases your desire, which increases more arousal."

Also, your mind-set changes. "As men get older, they get more focused on eroticism," she says. "They're much more interested in pleasure, in having the connection. Women start asking for what they want."

Couples should also develop a "sexual style," Solee tells WebMD. "Most people think that if they've found a lover and soul mate, the sex will be great. Early marital sex is essentially sex with a stranger. This is about letting your partner know you, and getting to know them, intimately. Marital sex can be hotter if you can develop an intimate sexual style with your marriage partner."

Vibrators and Pills
Tools and toys are important, too.

Men: Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis can be effective in men with erection problems, but if you have certain medical conditions or are taking certain medicines, you may not be able to use them.

Ladies: Don't fret if you're not feeling desire right away. Enjoy the process of becoming aroused. A vibrator can help with that, she advises. "After menopause, they may need a more intense vibration, at least initially, if a woman hasn't been sexual in awhile. She may need a vibrator."

If vaginal dryness and pain are issues, look into topical lubricants and moisturizers, Foley adds.

Many vaginal products contain estrogen (which can come in cream, vaginal ring, and vaginal tablet formulation), which helps with dryness, irritation, and muscle tone in the area. If you cannot take estrogen, products like Replens or K-Y Jelly can help with lubrication.

Try a Marriage Retreat
Keeping your marriage on track -- sexually and otherwise -- requires good communications skills, Solee adds. A therapist can guide you toward improving those skills, possibly recommending a marriage retreat.

"It's not our differences that pull us apart, it's how we handle them," she tells WebMD. "You need to really listen to your partner in a way he knows you love and respect him. Take a marriage cruise or retreat or a wilderness workshop. Learn to disagree in ways that breed joy and intimacy." Marriage education classes are also held in local community centers, churches, and military bases, she adds.

Some workshops are intense group therapy for couples. "Some are enrichment weekends -- you learn to massage each others' feet, or talk about sensuality. It depends on how deep your rift is, whether a therapist would recommend a lighter or deeper workshop," Schwartz says.

Group therapy lets you see the relationship more clearly. "Often, people find it easier to give empathy to other people than to each other," she explains. "But once empathy is in the room, it kind of fills the room. It helps you give it to each other."

You learn from other couples in the room, Schwartz adds. "Some people give voice to something you haven't been able to. It's different if it doesn't come from an authority figure. It becomes a discussion among equals. Other people can see things you may not see. If everybody looks at you and says, ‘Why are you being so hard on her?’ everything changes. You suddenly see, whoa, I am."

By Jeanie L. Davis
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
©2005-2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Stress: Busted!

2007-12-11T10:13:00.000-08:00

Sanity-saving strategies you can use right now

1. Work Pressures
Change your schedule.
When most people get in to work, they check their e-mail and voice mail. Save it for later. Spend your first hour, when you're the sharpest, on creative and strategic thinking. While you're at it, break down your day into specific tasks, rather than trying to juggle everything. Studies now show that a 50-minute task takes four times as long if you juggle too many tasks at once. "Are you a starter of all and finisher of none?" asks Julie Morgenstern, author of Making Work Work. If you can, pick one day a week to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual. "It feels like corporate suicide," Morgenstern says, but allowing yourself that early exit will keep you on deadline and make you hyperfocused to complete jobs more efficiently.

2. Personal Pressures
Change the habit, not the world.
Destressing isn't about eliminating all of your stresses; it's about getting control of them, one at a time. To do that, you should make micro-adjustments in your life, not big ones that eventually add more stress, says Stan Goldberg, Ph.D., author of Ready To Learn. "What's important is whatever [changes you make to your routine] need to be small enough so that there is a minimal amount of difference between what you've been doing and what you now do," Dr. Goldberg says. If you're working on being prompt, get to every appointment—not just to work—5 minutes earlier than normal. Successful change is permanent, not dramatic.

3. Self Care
Eat the antistress diet.
When you're in stress mode, your insides produce more chemical reactions than Marie Curie's lab—you experience surges of the hormone cortisol and sugar levels that spike and plummet, which can leave you feeling under pressure and sluggish. Counteract those reactions with the right foods, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of The Food & Mood Cookbook. For breakfast, avoid sugary cereals or breakfast bars and eat whole-grain cereal and a piece of fruit. Then pop a vitamin with at least 500 milligrams (mg) of calcium and 250 mg of magnesium. Magnesium, which is flushed out when stress rushes in, helps regulate those cortisol levels. For a snack, the crunch of veggie sticks or carrots helps release a clenched jaw and the tension headache you can get as a result of stress. Before bed, go with a light carbohydrate-rich snack, like toast and jam, to quicken the release of the feel-good hormone serotonin, which will help you sleep better.

4. Personal Power
Always avoid "always".
One of the biggest booby traps in your life is overgeneralizing—first dates never work out, she always gets promotions before me, he always arrives at least 5 minutes late. Unconsciously, using "always" and "never" steers you away from feeling that you have any control over changing the things that stress or worry you, says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

5. Emotional Symptoms
Schedule your emotions.
If we let it, stress can eat away at us like a squirrel with a nut. That constantly worried mentality impedes decision-making, says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D., author of Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. She suggests you write down what you're worried about, then set aside some quiet time (say 30 minutes) to figure out solutions. That way, worrying won't disrupt your work, and you'll be able to think through the answers.

WebMD Feature from "Women's Health" Magazine
By the Editors of Women’s Health
Copyright© 2006 Rodale Inc. All rights reserved. Women's Health is a Registered Trademark of Rodale Inc. No reproduction, transmission or display is permitted without the written permissions of Rodale Inc.
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

Parenting Tips for the Holidays

2007-12-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

You know the drill: The "gimmes," the sugar meltdowns, the "are we there yets?" Then there is the awkward problem of divorce and how to apportion time and attention. Kids reach a high pitch of excitement and sometimes invent surprising new behaviors that require your best holiday parenting skills.

"Parents should start with their own expectations," advises Susan Newman, PhD, a social psychology professor at Rutgers University in News Brunswick, NJ, and author of Little Things Long Remembered:Making Your Child Feel Special Every Day tells WebMD. "Some parents want to be sure their children get everything they want so there will be no tears. This is an unrealistic goal. Parents, especially with younger kids get lost in the hype."

Don't try to please everyone, Newman continues. Someone -- a parent, grandparent or in-law --will be unhappy. But, as a rule, the children will not be -- and it's the little things that they will remember, like time spent playing a board game or teaching you to operate their toys. "We played Chutes and Ladders last Christmas with my older kids," Newman says, "and it was so funny!"

Give the Pleasure of Giving

"Children will model your behavior," Newman says. "If you bake for the homeless shelter (and they help) or if you visit people in the hospital, they will remember that. These patterns stick."

"I like cooking with kids," Bunni Tobias, host of the syndicated radio show, Solutions for Simple Sanity, tells WebMD. "At my house, each child has a specialty, one was King of Cookies; one was on top of the veggies." Over time, each household develops a list of favorite holiday cookies and treats -- these are repeated each year.

Many schools and churches have programs for kids to make gifts or contribute to the less fortunate -- you can suggest some of the kids' allowance be used, instead of just a handout from dad.

Children can also help wrap presents -- so what if they aren't straight out of Vogue? "Kids have to see that everything doesn't come from a store," Newman says. Wrapping also creates a sense of excitement and is a good time to talk.

Making gifts is also a good way to give kids a deeper sense of the holidays. Going to the craft store, planning a project, and gathering around to make things is also a good time for parents to give kids extra attention. So often the holidays involve grown-ups reuniting and catching up -- kids get shunted to the sidelines.

Tobias recommends that children should be encouraged to make their own wish lists -- but to also describe why they want each item, to think a little. This way, parents can gently modify expectations before the fateful unwrapping.

Start Your Own Traditions

Besides joking about Mom's annual nervous breakdown, you can start some other traditions:

Go to the Nutcracker, a lighting ceremony or just drive around to see house lighting

Build a snowman
Open an Advent card
Go to church or synagogue
Let kids' choose holiday music and parents can dance with them
Start a tradition of holiday meditation geared to short attention spans
Bring out the ornaments, if you have a tree, and reminisce about each one

Some other suggestions:

Put the kids in charge of videotaping or picture taking. Let them interview everyone each year. Landscape photographer Franklin B. Way suggests starting with disposable cameras. Encourage several shots of each subject before offering advice. Send kids out to take pictures of objects of one color. It will give you some free time.
Be flexible -- if kids want a traditional candy cane and gingerbread man tree, alternate that each year with your designer special covered in fiberglass and festooned with your collection of antique racing car ornaments.
Encourage kids to make New Year's resolutions. Share your own hopes for the coming year.
Coping With Divorce

The best time to consciously create new traditions, Newman says, is when the family has been touched by divorce, death, or some major change. "Even if it only means having dinner at a different time, try to differentiate between the past and now."

Marilyn Coleman, PhD, professor of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri-Columbia, suggests divorced parents create a separate holiday just for the family, one that is neither Christmas or Hanukkah, so kids won't feel guilty for spending time with one parent and not the other.

Mary Jo McCurley of the Dallas law firm McCurley, Orsinger, McCurley & Nelson, also suggests parents firm up the visitation schedule in advance, no surprises. Try not to overschedule kids, she advises -- they are already moving around. Help you child shop for your ex-spouse and be positive about the other parent. Don't convey feelings of anxiousness about your being alone on "the big day." Also -- don't compete for the affections of the child by breaking the bank with a "big gift."

Keep Routines as Best You Can

Newman suggests bedtimes be maintained, even if relatives plead, "Let them stay up, it's the holiday." People need sleep, she says, even adult people. "The next day is a holiday, too," Newman says, "no one wants to deal with sleep-deprived kids. You do them a disservice if you allow them to stay up."

Kids also should not be allowed to OD on sugar and snack food. "Ask the grandparents to go easy," smiles Newman.

Most of all, be inclusive -- if kids are included in an event, introduce them, coach them to use proper manners, and if they need you off alone for a few minutes, make the time.

There's a payoff. If the kids are less stressed, you will be, too. That's the best present of all.

Star Lawrence is a medical journalist based in the Phoenix area.

Reviewed on November 16, 2004
© 2003 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

The Power of Optimism

2007-12-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

Even if you weren’t born with a sunny outlook, this pioneer in mind/body medicine argues that you can easily cultivate one

Years ago,while I was ﬁnishing my premed studies, I developed an acute pain in my abdomen. I reported to the student health center, where they scheduled me for an immediate appendectomy. Hours later, I awoke
in severe pain, alone, and worried. Then something quite ordinary happened. A nurse appeared, held my hand, and simply said, “Don’t worry, Larry. Everything is going to be just ﬁne.” As she stood there, the pain vanished, along with my anxiety. Fear gave way to optimism that I’d make a quick recovery—and I did.

There’s no way around it: Whether it bubbles up naturally or is coaxed into materializing by another’s thoughtful gesture, our outlook on life shapes our well-being. Optimism means having faith that things will turn out well in a given situation—and often, they do. But even when they don’t, a positive disposition leads us to ﬁnd the gifts that are hidden in any difficult challenge. By viewing the glass half-full instead of half-empty, as the cliché goes,we reap tangible rewards: Studies have shown that joyful types are more likely to lead longer, healthier lives than those who expect the worst.

In making an effort to cultivate optimism, we are “optimized,” or made capable of being and functioning at our best. It doesn’t matter whether or not you came into this world with a sunny outlook. You can foster upbeat thinking by shining the light on the positive at every turn. Practice optimism, using the following steps—and enjoy the happy consequences.

+Focus on the big picture. We’re blessed. We live in a modern democracy with the attendant rights and privileges. Most of us are well fed, clothed, sheltered, and protected. Our daily luxuries—clean water, air-conditioning, indoor plumbing, safe food—have become so commonplace that we cease to notice them. In the name of optimism, we should wake up to our abundance. Doing so will help gratitude arise as a natural response to being alive at our place in human history.

+Connect. Pessimists often make unpleasant company, and solitude leads to more pessimism. When you purposefully interact with others, you break the cycle of gloom and create an opening for optimism to take root. But choose your friends carefully—feelings are contagious. Want to be depressed? Hang out with depressives. Want to be happy? Make friends with happy people. Since both pessimism and optimism are catching, you’re more likely to feel optimistic if you surround yourself with optimists.

+Read about optimists. What makes them tick? Where do they get hope in hard times? I like Jon Meacham's Franklin and Winston, an exploration of the friendship between two of the 20th century’s greatest optimists, Roosevelt and Churchill. Explore the lives of well-known optimists, and you’ll start to see how an invisible feeling can transform into visible deeds and accomplishments.

+Be generous. Give to charity. Tip well. Offer to help friends and family members in need. Work in a soup kitchen, with Habitat for Humanity, or for an AIDS project at home or abroad. Generosity opens the heart and anchors our identity in something other than the self. It’s an antidote to self-absorption and a door for optimism. When you bring more generosity into your life, you also invite its cousins, compassion and love.

+Go on a media fast. For a week or so, take a break from the steady stream of bad news. You may ﬁnd it invigorating to sidestep the depressing effects of daily tragedy—and easier to have optimism about the state of the world.

If you fear that missing the news means ignoring genuine problems, remember that you won’t hurt the world by diverting your attention for a week. You can continue sending hopeful, healing thoughts to those people in need with an open-ended prayer such as “May the highest good prevail.”

+Immerse yourself in nature. The incredible complexity of living systems and the upward, evolutionary trajectory of life can stir optimism in anyone. I speak from experience when I say that spending time in nature can restore your soul, lift your spirits, make your heart sing, and keep you going in times of trouble. Take a wilderness retreat the next time you want to feel buoyant, recharged, upbeat, and ready to meet big challenges.

+Cultivate spirituality. Countless studies show that people who follow a spiritual path—it doesn’t matter which one—generally live longer and enjoy a lower incidence of most major diseases than people who don’t. Which approach should you choose? Be open. Let it choose you. You might ﬁnd spiritual connection in a particular religion, a form of meditation, or a physical discipline such as yoga or tai chi. Connecting with the divine might also come through something completely different, like tending an herb garden, singing in a choir, or surﬁng Saturday mornings at dawn. Trust the saying “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

By Larry Dossey
© 2007 Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. All rights reserved.
WebMD Feature from "body+soul" Magazine
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Is Hidden Anger Making You Gain Pounds?

2007-12-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

Ralph loves fatty foods, doughnuts in particular. He finds himself consuming these by the droves in the mornings before he faces work. He tries repeatedly to stop this out-of-control overeating but he can't do it despite the fact that his rapidly increasing size is threatening his job at which he must appear personable.

Ralph loves fatty foods, doughnuts in particular. He finds himself consuming these by the droves in the mornings before he faces work. He tries repeatedly to stop this out-of-control overeating but he can't do it despite the fact that his rapidly increasing size is threatening his job at which he must appear personable. It is only when he discovers a hidden connection between anger and his overeating that Ralph gets a grip on this habit - I will tell you how in a moment, but let's look at that hidden connection first. What has anger got to do with overeating?

Surprising as it may seem, while anger won't raise the numbers on your scale directly, it can indirectly contribute to them in a big way because anger is one of the major causes of emotional overeating. If you find yourself reaching for your favorite comfort foods whenever someone makes you mad, your anger may be an indirect but important cause of your gaining pounds.

The reason for this is that food can be so soothing that it can allow you to avoid whatever negative emotions you may be feeling when the cravings strike. In fact, if you reach for the food fast enough, you probably don't even notice you're feeling anything unpleasant at all.

This is especially true for the emotion of anger. Society conditions us to keep our angry feelings under control but sometimes, this includes not feeling the anger at all. If you're like most people, you're not comfortable with anger. Food is an easy way to keep it at bay and avoid expressing it.

Of course, the problem is that your anger doesn't go anywhere when you eat unwisely as a way of handling it. You still feel the anger - it's just hidden from your awareness for a while by the temporary comfort of food. Meanwhile, the downside is that you become heavier, and the angry feelings remain dormant, ready to come up to the surface and bring about yet another food craving. It's a no-win continuous cycle.

Ralph is a perfect example. He feels completely unappreciated at work since his boss treats him like a scapegoat. Despite the fact that his sales figures surpass those of most of his coworkers, he watches others receive accolades while his work goes unnoticed. He continues to look for a more satisfying job, but he has yet to find one.

Ralph starts his day angry and ends it angry. The only way he can get past the anger and make it to work is by eating a few donuts for breakfast. When he gets home after another frustrating day, he goes straight for his favorite fatty comfort foods before he even makes dinner. Sometimes, he fills up so much on the fatty foods that he fails to eat anything nutritious at all.

It's certainly understandable why Ralph's situation would make him feel angry, but his coping mechanism is not helping. Instead, it undermines his health and causes him to put on pounds. This only adds to his frustration and his difficulty in finding another job.

While Ralph may not be able to immediately alter his situation at work, he can definitely change his own attitude. It isn't easy, but it's certainly preferable to allowing his anger to get the best of him. Ralph needs to acknowledge his anger and find a way to release it constructively. He could try martial arts or a punching bag until he finds a better job. If he keeps his focus on the positive steps he can take to change his circumstances, he will feel much better, and he won't have to drown his feelings with eating.

You can certainly see the logic. Using food to suppress anger is the equivalent of "swallowing" your feelings, rather than expressing them. And the biting action offers some relief because it satisfies the primal instinct to bite our enemies in defense. For this reason, crunchy foods may feel especially good at such times.

There are several techniques for conquering emotional overeating, but there is something you can do immediately to break the habit of using food as an anger suppressor:

Take a 3" x 5" index card and write the following sentence on it:

"Even though I'm angry at (insert name of person or situation) and can't express this openly, I deeply and completely accept myself (or "love myself," etc) without judgment."

Before you go to bed each night, and after you rise in the morning (and at any other time you wish), read this sentence out loud to yourself three times.

This is a mini-version of the powerful "EFT Choices Method" which is a highly effective technique for combating emotional overeating. EFT utilizes the principles of acupressure and uses light tapping on certain strategic comfort spots on your face and upper body to train your mind to become more peaceful and self-accepting - a great advantage for losing pounds. You will no longer feel that compulsion to grab for unnecessary food when you come into harmony with yourself and accept your anger.

Self-help techniques like EFT are especially important because they get to the core of the eating problem, while diets usually fail because they focus on what foods you are eating rather than the reason you're eating them.

If you want to stop emotional overeating, your first task is to become aware of the emotion you are suppressing. The next time you reach for that candy bar, stop and ask yourself if you are angry with someone. If so, try the EFT exercise provided above, and watch the pounds melt away!

By: Psychologist Dr. Patricia Carrington
www.articles-hub.com/index.php?article=129826&highlite=anger
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Parental Stress - Coping With Kids

2007-12-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

Rearing well adjusted children is a real accomplishment on the part of any parent and with today’s trend and lifestyle it is a hard task. Nowadays training kids begins at birth. There are lots of articles written on dealing with newborn babies or coping with toddlers, particularly for new moms, but surprisingly, there is little guidance on how to deal or cope with parental stress.

Several children under the age of five can be really troublesome and handling them is a tiring task. Parents really have to work hard as the kids at that age demand lot of time and attention. This really stresses the parent and makes them feel trapped. Parents have to be magically equipped with patience, parental love and mothering instinct.

Growing children wreck a tidy room or scatter toys and cushions around the house. Potty training is other serious issue and you have to be geared to deal with accidents, while washing their hands is like playing in a swimming pool. Kids like to explore everything and they learn from such exploration. Hence stopping them would curb their inquisitiveness. As a parent you should tackle these issues with care and lot of patience, as love and patience builds a strong foundation in the parent and child relationship.

Due to a stressful lifestyle, many relationships break up and hence there are a lot of single parents around. Such single parents find parenting more difficult as compared to a couple. Managing kids and a career is like walking on two rails. They are usually stressed by running around trying to manage things, and this sometimes leaves the kids neglected. Sometimes parents are not able to pursue their own dreams because they are busy tackling issues related to their kids.

Luckily nowadays there are some voluntary organizations where help can be sought. These organizations offer help for few hours each week like baby-sitting and this help can give the parents some hours of respite. Moms can get free time to mow the lawn, do some home decoration, pursue their passions or even shop. With kids growing and their demands increasing day by day, mothers lose their identity and get hassled under the pressure.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t be depressed if you fail, as you are a normal human being. Mistakes can happen as there are limitations, hence accept them and do your best. Clean the rooms one by one and not like a superwoman. If you can, try and reduce the furniture or clear off the carpets as they are the things that delay cleaning.

It doesn't matter if the house isn't spotless. What matters is that you spend time playing and having fun with your kids. You will all benefit and at the end of the day you may feel more cheerful and capable of clearing some of the mess. Then give yourself half an hour to soak in the bath, or even do your nails.

http://www.articlesbase.com/authors/margaret-tye/8948.htm

Marriage is a Job

2007-12-04T12:11:00.000-08:00

Marriage is a job and we'd all be a lot better off if
we approached it that way.

Think about the similarities: In order to get a job or
a spouse, you dress up, behave unnaturally, and hide
those little things that might be a deal-breaker, like
your prison record or the fact that you save your
cat's hair in baggies. Once you've achieved your
objective, whether it's getting hired or walking down
the aisle, both have a "honeymoon period," where no
one really expects you to buckle down and get to work
right away. Usually there's less sex on the job than
in the marriage, unless you've chosen porn as your
field or married someone sixty years your senior.

And anyone who has been married longer than Renee
Zellwegger and Kenny Chesney can tell you that once
you've gotten past the interview and the honeymoon
period, everyday married life can be just as boring
and frustrating as the 9 to 5 world. There are power
struggles to determine who is the alpha dog (which can
be confounded in marriage if there actually is a dog),
budget cuts, people behaving like children (they may,
in the case of marriage, BE children), changes in
management, walk-outs, etc. There isn't a married
person in the world who hasn't dreamed of not clocking
in for a day (or a week or a month).

Why is it then that with all their similarities that
when someone decides to change jobs, we admire their
ambition and encourage them to follow their bliss, but
if someone makes the same choice about a spouse, we
feel sad and disappointed? Why do we say "failed
marriage" but not "failed occupation?"

I'm not talking about quickie jobs and divorces, but
those things we've poured ourselves into, learned our
lessons, and decided to move on from. Jobs and
marriages are ways of learning about ourselves and our
needs.

I myself have had three occupations and three husbands
(in both cases, I still have the third). My first job
out of college, I was an "Economic Analyst" for a bank
corporation. I know that sound so 80's and it was. But
the fancy title was cover for the fact that I was
basically just an underpaid researcher who had to run
computer models before the actual invention of
computer. Okay, the computer had been invented, but at
the bank we were still using the abacus and slide
rule.

I managed to stay at this job for eighteen months, and
during that time I learned a few things about myself:
(1) I didn't enjoy working for people who take credit
for my work, (2) I really hate wearing panty hose and
heels every day, and (3) Bosses who criticize your job
performance in their office then feel you up in the
elevator are fairly easy to get a good letter of
references from, especially if you know the guys who
run the elevator video camera (yes, the bank did have
those).

lasted ten years in my first marriage. We met in high
school, married right out of college and moved across
country twice. I quit work and went to grad school. He
quit work and formed his own computer company, making
$100 an hour, which was real money in the 80s. I was
making about $6 an hour. I learned from my first
marriage job that anyone who values me based on my
income isn't someone I can sleep with for more than a
decade. Hey, I have a long learning curve.

Job number two, I was a health educator who eventually
ran a wellness program for a major university. There
were things about the job I just loved and other
things that made me want to spit in someone's food.
Unfortunately, that wasn't a perk of the job. This is
the job that taught me to be self-reliant,
independent, capable of doing a lot with very little,
and to value outrageousness in myself and others.

Husband number two was twenty-three when I met him in
a bar. I was thirty-two. Did I mention the
outrageousness factor? I made more money than he did,
had had more sex than he'd had, and weighed more than
he did. None of those turned out to be good things. I
learned from him that I prefer to be the girl in the
relationship at least half the time.

So I'm three for three now. I write and perform
comedy. No one tells me when to get up or what to
wear. No one feels me up on the job, not even the UPS
man, not even when I beg. My co-workers are dogs, so
the back-biting is literal instead of figurative. I
like that. My current husband is slightly older and
grayer than me, weighs more, and spends a lot of time
sleeping, especially if there's nothing good on TV or
I've dared to serve him a meatless entrée again in
order to reduce his cholesterol.

Life goes on. And as long as you're learning
something... anything... your job and your marriage
probably still have a few good years in them. But it
never hurts to keep your resume polished.

By:Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant
www.articles-hub.com/index.ph?article=90016&highlite=marriage

Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

How We Sabotage Ourselves and What to Do About it

2007-12-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy and fit. There is no end to the diets, workouts and health plans. Yet the most important diet of all has been overlooked. This is a diet that releases stress, relaxes muscles, offers sound sleep, diminishes appetite, and makes you look and feel younger; it brings you new friends, a happy work environment, good relationships, and adds years to your life.

This is the diet from anger– one of the worst plagues facing our nation.Anger is a serious problem for one in every five Americans. Road rage, workplace violence, school shootings, domestic abuse and addiction are just a few of its many outlets.

The reason such a huge proportion of our nation is on anti-depressants, involved in alcohol, and drug addiction, overweight, in broken relationships and involved in all kinds of destructive behavior, can be directly traced back to the effects of anger, particularly the hidden kind.

It has also been well documented that anger strongly affects physical health and is directly related to heart attacks, blood pressure, back pain and many other physical disorders. This is called symptom substitution.

We also turn our anger against ourselves in other ways. We become depressed or experience mood disorders, hopelessness, passive aggressive behavior, promiscuity, domestic abuse and many other forms of general misery. Sometimes anger converts itself into obsessive-compulsive disorders and individuals become unable to make decisions or choices about their lives.

Anger is ruthless in the course it takes, attacking and disrupting our body, minds and spirits. As school and workplace shootings rise, the divorce rate climbs, people are on increasing anti-depressants.

It is clear that anger is a societal problem, which is only growing worse. It is time we paid attention to the #1 terrorist we face: the anger we live with every day.

At the present time many of individuals in our society are dependent upon medication of all kinds. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs, weight loss supplements, low blood pressure medication, blood thinners and antibiotics of many kinds are taken to ease the many symptoms of unhappiness, unbalance and disease we suffer from.

On the face of it the symptoms seem to differ from one another. If we look a little deeper, however, we can see that beneath the various forms of distress that appear, anger is quietly smoldering.

Today we fear many external enemies. It is not so easy to realize, however, that the worst enemy we face is this anger that resides within, the terror it causes us, and the ways in which this poison dictates so much of our lives.

Anger has many faces. It appears in many forms and creates different consequences. Anger that is overt and clear cut is the simplest to deal with and understand. When we or someone we know is openly angry, we know what we are up against and can directly address the cause.

Most anger lurks beneath the surface, however. It often does not even come to our awareness and manifests in endless, hidden ways - as depression, anxiety, apathy, hopelessness, and in many, many other forms.

It is crucial that we recognize anger for what it is, realize when it is appearing and notice the devastation it creates. Then we have an opportunity to root out this underground stream feeds our misery, and the misery we cause others. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged it holds us in its grip and easily erodes the entire quality of our lives.

What To Do:

Just as we work out daily in the gym to strengthen muscles and attain flexibility, it is necessary to work out and strengthen the parts of ourselves that can recognize and release anger easily.

We must learn to give up the various forms of anger and replace them with a healthy antidote. Some healthy antidotes to anger include: letting go of blame, forgiveness, generosity, seeing the best in others, letting the other be right, (just for today), giving others the benefit of the doubt.

Choose one antidote and work with it for an entire day. Then choose another. You will begin to feel so good, you won’t want to go back to the old ways.

As we daily eliminate the toxicity anger provides to our systems, not only will the results be reflected in our mental and emotional well-being, but in our environment and physical health as well. Eventually it will become impossible for anger to maintain the hold it once had upon them.

All teachings encourage us to be forgiving, but there is little actual instruction on how to accomplish this. Each of the antidotes listed above will help you along the way. Anger is the great impediment to forgiveness. When anger is rooted out, love and forgiveness arise naturally. Our lives and the lives of those around us then become hallowed and become all they are meant to be.

http://www.articlesbase.com/authors/brenda-shoshanna/20471.htm

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Ten Steps to An Ideal Relationship

2007-11-30T09:39:00.000-08:00

Here are ten important steps to a successful relationship.

These are ten tings you can do to create the ideal relationship. 1. Do your own personal emotional work first. It is necessary for each individual to become aware of and release the negative unconsciously stored self sabotaging relationship patterns they acquired during their childhoods. Unfortunately most individuals never do this and only find out about them after a failed relationship or an acrimonious divorce. 2. Nurture your own self esteem, self confidence and self worth. Too many individuals neglect themselves and thus wind up feeling very needy. This neediness then lures them into the unconscious belief that a relationship will help fill such needs. This is a recipe for disaster as it sets up unstable and often abusive co-dependent relationships that lead no where.

3. Nurture Self Awareness.

It is only through self awareness that you will be able to achieve mastery over your own thoughts, emotions, perceptions and behaviors. Anything less means that you are not fully in control of yourself and are vulnerable to making bad choices.

4. Know how to assess the maturity of others.

Most individuals become attracted to each other on the basis of appearance, mutual needs or by the fact that they represent unconscious parental figures. As a result the level of emotional maturity (see my article on the Emotional Maturity Quotient in this ezine) of the other person is completely ignored.

5. Maintain personal honesty as one of your highest priorities.

If you are honest with yourself and with others you will always maintain your personal integrity, self esteem, and self worth and in spite of what ever happens you will feel more resilient. This will also attract individuals who also uphold this as an important value.

6. Be courageous in all your communications.

It is important that when something is to be said that it is said in a respectful and truthful manner. Holding things back can cause them to be pushed into the unconscious where they will "ferment" into feelings of anger, negative behaviors, and abuse and so on.

7. Always look after your health and well being.

Without a solid foundation of good health any relationship will flounder. Your health is your responsibility and not anyone else?s.

8. Don''t act like a victim and don''t attempt to rescue victim like behaviors.

There is a tendency for immature needy individuals to take a victim role in order to manipulate others into rescuing or caring for them. This is irresponsible behavior which undermines some of the principles I mentioned above. When one engages or attempts to rescue victim like behaviors this fractures the trust in a relationship and irreversibly destroys it.

9. Always strive for greater emotional and sexual intimacy.

To know and experience each other fully is the most effective way to keep the bonds of understanding, love and empathy strong. This is the glue that keeps a relationship intact. Without it, it will eventually fall apart.

10. Always strive for personal growth.

A relationship will grow stagnant if either of the partners stops growing emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. In the same way that you would nurture a child''s growth one must continually nurture one''s own.

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Stress in your marriage

2007-11-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

Have you been married more than five years? Do you find that the tension between you and your spouse has been on the rise? Stress in the marriage is more common than most will think, or want to believe, but you can put an end, or at least ease up on the stress in marriage by following a few common things. You want to work on how you think about things, how you come across in the marriage, and in what you say, and you want to change the time that the two of your spend together.

Change how you talk to lessen the stress in your marriage

Think before you blurt anything out in a marriage. You may feel very comfortable in your relationship, and you may feel you can say just about anything aloud, but the truth of the matter is when you call some one stupid, or idiot, even in a joking manner it is going to hurt the relationship. Take the stress out of your long-term relationship by thinking about what you are saying before you are saying it.

Change how you act, and how you are around your spouse

Remember back in a time when you were dating, you were happy to see your spouse? You were happy to spend time doing your hair, picking out your clothes and such? Put that feeling back into your life by thinking of how you are going to make your spouse fall in love with you again every day. This is going to put the spark back into your relationship and will take the stress out of your relationship.

A lot of stress involved in a relationship is the lack of trust. Stressing out about where your spouse is, why they are working late, or just where they are in general will eventually put a major strain on the relationship. Take the stress out of your relationship and out of the marriage by putting trust back into the equation. It is going to be difficult if not impossible to not trust your spouse. Trust is going to put all the strain and stress behind you so the two of you can work on being together for the rest of your lives.

Stress in your marriage is going to appear not only after you have been married for a few years, but also when children appear in the family, and when money matters are tight. Take your stress and focus your energies on something constructive in the situation. If you are find you are stressed about money, find ways to save money. If you are stressed about the children, find a sitter for the night and unwind a little bit. Every problem, every stressful situation does have an answer and you can work through it.

Deon Melchior is the Editor and Publisher of Article Click. For more FREE articles for your ezine and websites visit - www.articleclick.com

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Discover How to Deal Patiently with Your Anger in a High Intense Situation

2007-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

All of us have feelings as human beings. We can be sad, angry and happy. We go through experiences in life that creates these types of emotions in us. Be it at home, running a business, playing sports or at your workplace, we have to deal with situations that deal with our emotions.

We deal with challenges in life everyday. Some of us faced bigger and uphill challenges than others. When the situation gets tense in facing challenges, emotions run high. It can lead to anger in us and people around can be affected. But such situations can be a wonderful learning experience for us.

Let us take a look at the following about Pete handling his anger in a tense situation. Pete, a business owner, together with his partner had to attend to an important wedding event. As they were about to leave the house, he realized that he had misplaced his wallet.

He told his partner that he had misplaced the wallet. Pete was reprimanded for being so careless of losing his wallet that contains important documents. He was reprimanded continuously. Emotions were running high as he continued his search for the wallet.

Pete realized that being angry and responding to the remarks about his carelessness in losing his wallet will not solve his solutions to the problems. Through his business experiences, he had learn to control his emotions. He decided to take a deep breath and told his partner firmly that he wish to focus on finding the solutions rather than focusing on the potential problems. He realized in such situations, he needs to focus on the solutions and think rationally to solve the problems. His partner did react to his comments and got angry initially. But after deep thoughts, agreed to Pete's point of focusing on the solutions.

He realized that he needs to be patient in his pursue of solving the problems. With clear thoughts, he tried to remember where he last placed his wallet. Once he was clear about the potential places where the wallet can be found, Pete continued his search. He faced failures in finding it initially but finally he found his wallet. With a smile, they then head for the wedding event. During the journey, they discussed and shared with each other on what they had learn from the experience.

From the story, we can learn that in handling such intense situations, it is important that we remain focus in the solutions rather than the problems and be patient in pursue of solving such problems or challenges.

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Women More Sensitive to Stress Than Men?

2007-10-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

Chronic Stress May Harm Women More

WebMD Medical News
Nov. 15, 2005 -- Constant stress at work or at home may be may be more dangerous for women than men, according to a new study that shows women are more sensitive to the effects of chronic stress.

"It's generally understood that females respond more strongly to acute (immediate, short-term) stress than males," says researcher Helmer Figueiredo, PhD, of the University of Cincinnati's department of psychiatry, in a news release. "Our research shows that this may also be the case in more clinically relevant chronic-stress conditions."

Researchers found levels of the stress hormone corticosterone were much higher in female rats exposed to chronic stress than male rats.

Corticosterone is released by the adrenal glands in response to stress in the same manner that the stress hormone cortisol is released in humans. When an animal experiences stress, these stress hormones are produced to aid the animal in survival and recovery.

"When appropriately handled by the body, stress can have beneficial implications in preparing the organism for the 'fight or flight' response," says Figueiredo. However, under intense chronic conditions, when extreme levels of these hormones are produced, stress can seriously harm the body.

For example, exposure to high levels of these stress hormones can lead to a bigger waistline, which is a major risk factor of heart disease, and impair the immune system's ability to fight disease and infection.

Stress Takes Heavier Toll on Women
In the study, presented today at the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience in Washington, researchers compared the effects of chronic stress in male and female rats. The rats were subjected to unpredictable and intense stress, such as vibration, being in a cold room, or a hot or cold swim, twice daily for 15 days.

The results showed that the exposure to chronic stress prevented normal weight gain in both male and female rats.

But the female rats had much more of the stress hormone in their bloodstream compared with the males.

In addition, chronically stressed female rats had a decrease in the weight of immune organs relative to male rats, suggesting their immune function may be more sensitive to the effects of chronic stress and became impaired.

"Serious disorders such as major depression, anxiety, and autoimmune dysfunctions, all linked to higher levels of circulating glucocorticoids (stress hormones), are more prevalent among women than men," says researcher James Herman, PhD, professor and stress neurobiologist at the University of Cincinnati, in the release. "This animal research provides a nice link between chronic stress and the physiological response to stress by females."

Researchers say a better understanding of the differences in how men and women respond to stress may lead to better drugs to fight stress-related diseases that affect women disproportionately.

© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Stress Breaks Hearts

2007-09-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

Emotional Stress Alters Heart Function, Ups Heart Disease Risk

Sept. 20, 2007 -- Here's a health fact most of us understand better than our doctors do: Emotional stress really can harm our hearts.
Intense grief, acute anger, and sudden fear can have direct -- sometimes fatal -- effects on the human heart. And long-term emotional stress shortens lives by increasing the risk of heart disease, notes Daniel J. Brotman, MD, director of the hospitalist program at Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore.

"What is intuitive to people is not necessarily intuitive to physicians," Brotman tells WebMD. "Emotional stress, conceptually, is the same thing for cardiovascular risk as physical stress. But a lot of doctors blow that off, because they think emotional stress is a psychological problem, not a physical problem."

To overcome this false impression, Brotman and colleagues reviewed recent studies looking at the short- and long-term effects of emotional stress on the heart. Their resulting report, "The Cardiovascular Toll of Stress," appears in the Sept. 22 issue of The Lancet.

"In the hospital, I see people under all sorts of stress all the time -- and I see what happens to bodies under stress," Brotman says. "Our study illustrates how important the body's stress responses are in precipitating cardiovascular effects."

Heartache, Heart Harm
Psychological disorders, personality types, and other psychological stressors are linked to various heart problems:

People who suffer from depression, hopelessness, or a pessimistic outlook are more likely than others to suffer heart attack and sudden heart death. They are more likely to develop conditions that increase heart risk, such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and impaired heart rate.
People who suffer chronic anxiety are more likely than others to suffer heart attack, atrial fibrillation, and sudden heart death. Their propensity for high blood pressure and impaired heart rate increases their heart risk.
Emotional trauma -- such as the death of a spouse, mental or physical abuse, or posttraumatic stress disorder -- increases risk of heart attack and heart death.
People with type D personalities (characterized by pessimistic emotions and inability to share emotions with others) and type A personalities (characterized by anxiety directed outward as aggressive, irritable, or hostile behaviors) are more likely than others to suffer heart attacks.
People with angry or hostile temperaments are more likely than others to suffer heart death.
Acute fear, grief, startling, or anger can cause "stunned heart." Wallops of emotion also can cause sudden death due to life-threatening abnormal heart rhythm.
Even when intense bouts of emotion don't kill, they may cause long-lasting heart damage.

"Most people who suffer the death of a loved one are not coming to medical attention, but that does not mean their hearts are not stunned for a period of time," Brotman says. "We doctors only see those with heart failure, or those with already-damaged hearts whose defibrillators fire. But probably, in every body, what stress hormones do today have some impact on how healthy your cardiovascular system will be 20 years from now."

It would seem to be wise for all of us to learn to deal with stressful emotions. But Brotman warns that there does not seem to be any one-size-fits-all way to do this.

"We don't have concrete evidence to suggest that if you manage your stress levels you will reduce your cardiovascular risk," he says. "People are different and have different ways of reducing stress. It is disingenuous to suggest that stress reduction is going to be simple."

Meanwhile, he urges doctors to pay more attention to what their patients are telling them when they talk about stress.

"Real-time physical effects correlate with intense emotional states," Brotman says. "We should think beyond cholesterol, beyond blood pressure, when thinking about what it means to live a heart-healthy lifestyle."
View Article Sources
SOURCES: Brotman, D.J. The Lancet, Sept. 22, 2007; vol 370: pp. 1089-1100. Daniel Brotman, MD, director of hospitalist program, Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore.

© 2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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The Toll of Sleep Loss in America

2007-08-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

Sleep loss is taking a toll on our physical and emotional health, and on our nation's highways.

Elise G. hits the alarm at 5:30 a.m. to get her kids and herself up and ready. She's an elementary teacher in Marietta, Ga., with a seasonal business on the side. When a big holiday is coming up, she's typically burning the midnight oil most nights. On weekends, she says, "I've just got to catch up on my sleep."

Multiply her story about 30 million times, and you've got a snapshot of America's sleep situation.

For the past six years, the Sleep in America polls -- conducted on behalf of the National Sleep Foundation - have provided a snapshot of the nation's bedroom woes. Consistently, the polls have shown that about half of adults get a good night's sleep almost every night. Today, one in six adults report getting less than six hours of sleep nightly.

"It's no secret that we live in a 24/7 society," says Carl Hunt, MD, director of the National Center on Sleep Disorders Research at the National Institutes of Health. "There are many more opportunities to do things other than sleep - 24-hour cable TV, the Internet, email, plus long work shifts."

Indeed, how we live is affecting how we sleep, says Meir Kryger, MD, director of the Sleep Disorders Centre at St. Boniface Hospital Research Centre at the University of Manitoba. "Often, our sleep deficit is related to too much caffeine, nicotine, alcohol. Often it's related to work - stress from work, putting in long hours at work, working night shifts, working on the home computer until the second we go to sleep."

Yet there's strong evidence that lost sleep is a serious matter. The Sleep in America polls and several large studies have linked sleep deficits with poor work performance, driving accidents, relationship problems, and mood problems like anger and depression.

Nearly eight in 10 married couples say their partner has a sleep problem, like snoring, insomnia, or incessant tossing and turning. A quarter say sleep difficulties force their mate into separate sleeping quarters. More than 20% say they're too sleepy for sex.

A growing list of health risks has been documented in recent studies, too. Heart disease, diabetes, and obesity have all been linked with chronic sleep loss.

"People just don't realize how important sleep is, and what the health consequences are of not getting a good night's sleep on a regular basis," Hunt tells WebMD. "Sleep is just as important for overall health as diet and exercise."

They also don't talk to their doctors about sleep problems, he adds. "They figure everybody's sleepy, and what can be done about it anyway. And doctors don't ask about it. Sleep disorders are severely under-diagnosed and under-treated."

The Science of Sleep
Over the past decade, researchers have learned much about the science of sleep, says Mark W. Mahowald, MD, a neurologist and director of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center in Rochester.

There are nearly 100 identified sleep/wake disorders, Mahowald says. In a recent issue of the journal Nature, Mahowald outlined the latest scientific findings on these two familiar patterns:

Hypersomnia: This is sleep deprivation, or excessive daytime sleepiness without an obvious cause. This pattern "should be taken very seriously," Mahowald writes. The result is sleepiness, which results in impaired sustained attention, with adverse, occasionally disastrous consequences in the classroom, workplace, or the highways. It is likely that more than 100,000 crashes occur annually in the U.S. due to driving while drowsy, he adds.

The most common cause of hypersomnia is voluntary sleep deprivation done for social or economic reasons - like work or surfing the Internet, he notes. "We get 20% less sleep than previous generations, yet there is no evidence that earlier generations required more sleep - or that ours needs less," he writes.

Insomnia: This is the most common sleep complaint, says Mahowald. It is not defined by total sleep time but by trouble falling or staying asleep. It is the inability to obtain sleep that is sufficiently long or "good enough" to result in feeling rested or restored the following day. Depression has been linked as a cause of insomnia; however, for many people, untreated insomnia may be a risk factor for depression, he tells WebMD.

Many insomniacs may have a condition called hyperarousal - essentially, they're always on alert, which means they rarely can sleep, Mahowald explains. "There is overwhelming evidence that many who have insomnia have a constitutional predisposition to be hyperaroused 24 hours a day. They have trouble sleeping, then feel miserable during the day, fatigued, washed out, have trouble concentrating. But they are not sleepy. They never take naps, because the same thing happens - they can't sleep during the day."

Neurological scans show differences between the brains of insomniacs and non-insomniacs. There seems to be a genetic component to both hyperarousal and insomnia, Mahowald tells WebMD.

"They typically have a family history of insomnia. Many people have had it as long as they can remember, since childhood. It takes very little for them to get insomnia - a test the next day, an upcoming trip. They can get insomnia for what seems like very trivial reasons, but it's probably constitutional. They are very fragile sleepers because they are predisposed to developing insomnia."

The Effects of Lost Sleep
An NIH State-of-the-Science Conference recently focused on the public health issues of chronic insomnia - including the larger impact that is not often noticed. When children and the elderly (particularly nursing home residents) suffer from insomnia, parents and caregivers also suffer. Employers suffer when an insomniac's work performance is affected.

Most people need between seven and eight hours of sleep each night to feel refreshed and function optimally, says Hunt. "Obviously there's some variation, some people intrinsically need more sleep than others. A few people skip by successfully long-term getting less sleep - but that's a very small number."

If you're getting less sleep than your body needs, there can be serious consequences.

"There's recent evidence showing -- in men and women in several countries -- that chronic sleep deprivation increases risk of early death," Hunt tells WebMD. "Studies are showing that people who get less sleep are at greater risk for heart disease and heart attacks. And perhaps the hottest area of research has shown a link between chronic sleep deprivation and risk of overweight and obesity. These studies articulate the price society pays in not getting a good night's sleep."

The affect on our functional status was borne out in the 2005 Sleep in America survey. Over one-quarter of working adults - 28% -- said they had missed work, events and activities, or made errors at work because of sleep-related issues in the previous three months.

Laboratory studies have confirmed this impact on performance. In one small experiment, 16 young adults were allowed only five hours of sleep for seven nights. As the week wore on, the volunteers showed increasing difficulty performing tasks.

It's true, some people can get by just fine with less sleep. One study found that there are significant differences in impairment among sleep deprived volunteers - suggesting that vulnerability to sleep deficits varies greatly.

But for most people, getting less than six hours sleep translates into a bigger sleep debt than they may realize. Over a two-week period, missing out on the recommended eight hours of nightly sleep adds up to two full nights' sleep debt, one study found. If you're averaging only four hours a night, your brain reacts as though you haven't slept at all for three consecutive nights.

The most worrisome part: Many people are too tired to realize how sleep-deprived they are, experts say. But they have slower reaction time, weaker memory, and other thinking impairments.

The Dangers of Drowsiness
Sleep-deprived people often don't realize their vulnerability to sleepiness, and therein rests the self-denial, explains Joseph Kaplan, MD, co-director of the Sleep Disorders Center at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Fla.

"Sleepiness is governed by two processes - the amount of sleep you get and the circadian rhythm," he tells WebMD. "You can go a night without sleep, and be fairly alert the next morning. But as the circadian influence begins to have its impact, that's when you really feel it."

Kaplan says the most vulnerable times for sleepiness: 5 to 8 a.m. and 2 to 4 p.m. Most alert times: 10 a.m. to noon and 7 to 9 p.m. "Regardless how many hours you're awake, the sleepiest time occurs as the circadian night is ending," he says.

Night shift workers may be the hardest hit by sleep problems. They're less able to stay alert, they have decreased job performance, and they have more accidents. One study found that 20% of shift workers fall asleep during a single night shift compared to none during an afternoon or evening shift.

Several major disasters have been linked in part with too little sleep in the workplace: Three Mile Island, Chernobyl, and the Exxon Valdez.

Nearly two-thirds of American drivers -- 60% -- reported driving drowsy in 2004; 4% had an accident or near-accident because they were too tired, or they actually dozed off while driving, according to the Sleep in America 2005 poll. Some 100,000 car crashes have been attributed to drowsy driving.

"We are very concerned that shift workers are on the highway, at increased risk for car wrecks," says Barbara Phillips, MD, sleep clinic director at the University of Kentucky in Lexington. "Many are also in safety-sensitive positions, like health care workers and pilots."

Indeed, doctors, nurses, and other health professionals are especially vulnerable to the effects of sleep loss - and patient safety may suffer because of it. Studies on performance of sleep-deprived doctors have suggested that they may be prone to more errors on routine, repetitive tasks - and also on tasks that require close attention for long periods. However, those same studies show that, in times of crisis or unusual situations, doctors may be able to rise to the occasion and function well.

Sleep-deprived drivers are just as dangerous as drunk drivers, Kaplan says. In one study, people who drove after being awake for 17 to 19 hours performed worse than those who had a blood alcohol level of .05%. (A blood alcohol level of .08% is considered legally intoxicated in many states.)

Kaplan is a big advocate of napping. "Fifteen or 20 minutes may be all you need," he tells WebMD. "One strategy for truck drivers is to take a full cup of coffee, then immediately follow with a 30-minute nap. Caffeine doesn't take effect for about 30 minutes, so you get the benefit of both."

Tips on Getting a Good Night's Sleep
If you're having trouble sleeping, there are many solutions, say sleep experts. Turning off the computer or TV earlier is one simple solution. But other lifestyle issues might be hindering sleep. Sleep specialists advise following good sleep hygiene, including cutting back on caffeine and alcohol. They also advise developing a calming ritual before bedtime - one that helps you break from the day's tensions, and doesn't involve eating, exercise, or watching TV.

Beyond that, sleep medications and behavioral treatments can be effective treatment for chronic insomnia. Behavioral therapy involves changing your negative thoughts and expectations that may worsen your insomnia. Medications can help you break the pattern of insomnia.

"We now have very effective sleep medications," Mahowald tells WebMD. "Many patients have taken these sleep medications for decades without any dependence or tolerance problems. If they need the drugs, they take the drugs. If they don't need them, they don't take them."

"With medication and possibly behavioral therapy, we can make insomnia decidedly better in just a few weeks," he says.

More commonly, chronic insomnia is a conditioned response - a pattern of fearful thinking that develops after a few nights of restless sleep, Mahowald says. "There's worry that it will happen again, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy."

By making sure you get enough sleep, you're improving your quality of life. "Sleep deprivation has a cumulative effect, escalating over time in fatigue, sleepiness, stress, mood problems," Kaplan tells WebMD.

"The good news is, although we're learning that sleep disorders are more common than we realized, there are effective treatments, ways to improve symptoms and quality of life for anyone who has a sleeping disorder," says Hunt.

By Jeanie Lerche Davis
Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD

WebMD Feature

SOURCE: Carl Hunt, MD, director, National Center on Sleep Disorders Research, National Institutes of Health. Meir Kryger, MD, director, Sleep Disorders Centre, St. Boniface Hospital Research Centre, University of Manitoba. Mark W. Mahowald, MD, director, Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center. Barbara Phillips, MD, sleep clinic director, University of Kentucky, Lexington. Joseph Kaplan, MD, co-director, Sleep Disorders Center, Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, Fla. WebMD Medical News: "U.S. Sleep Problems Getting Worse." WebMD Medical News: "Cranky? You're Likely Fighting Fatigue." WebMD Medical News: "Sleep Deprivation Leads to Trouble Fast." WebMD Feature: "Sleep: More Important Than You Think." WebMD Feature: "10 Tips to Get Better Sleep." NIH State-of-the-Science Conference Statement. Malik, S. Primary Care, 2005; vol 32: pp 475-490. Mahowald, M. Nature, Oct. 27, 2005; vol 437: pp 1279-1285. 2002 Sleep in America Poll. 2005 Sleep in America Poll.

© 2006 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Long Working Hours And Stressful Jobs Keep Men Smoking

2007-08-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

Science Daily — Men who work long hours or in high stress jobs are more likely to smoke, according to a new University of Melbourne study.

The study finds that men who work more than 50 hours a week are over twice as likely to smoke as their counterparts working regular full-time hours.

These men double their risk yet again, if they have jobs which are demanding and over which they have low levels of control.

Smoking among female workers is linked most strongly to being in a physically demanding job.

The research, led by Associate Professor Tony LaMontagne, from The McCaughey Centre: VicHealth Centre for the Promotion of Mental Health and Community Wellbeing, is published in the American Journal of Industrial Medicine in August of 2007.

The study compares the smoking habits of 1100 Victorian workers with their levels of job stress, number of hours worked and other employment conditions.

VicHealth Fellow Associate Professor LaMontagne says the study is important new evidence, which adds to mounting data showing that stressful working environments are linked to unhealthy behaviours.

Associate Professor LaMontagne says job stress impacts on smoking by being a barrier to quitting.

“More than 70 per cent of people start smoking before or around the time they begin working,” he says.

Victorian Health Promotion Foundation (VicHealth) CEO, Todd Harper, believes these findings are important in improving health promotion and in turn preventing disease and ill health.

“Workplace health promotion programs that encourage employees to give up smoking without reducing job stress would be missing an important opportunity to promote healthy working conditions as well as healthy behaviours,” Mr Harper says.

These findings are timely because the Department of Human Services is currently reworking its framework for promoting health and wellbeing, Mr Harper adds.

“All governments, employers and unions need to consider reducing job stress and other unhealthy working conditions, coupled with programs to reduce smoking,” Mr Harper says.

Associate Professor LaMontagne says further study is urgently needed into the effect of excessive working hours on employee health behaviours, since the combination could greatly increase the risk of adverse health behaviours.

“Australia is one of the top three OECD countries in terms of the percentage of the population working over 50 hours a week,’’ he says.

“The strong association between working hours and smoking in this study could be a warning to other OECD countries experiencing a growth in working hours.”

A previous study by Associate Professor LaMontagne’s team shows a strong link between working hours and having a higher body mass index.

Associate Professor LaMontagne says job stress and its impact on smoking habits played out in different ways between men and women.

“More research needs to be done accounting for the health impacts of non-paid work such as caring and home duties, which is still disproportionately carried out by women,” he says.

Funding sources for the study included the National Heart Foundation, VicHealth, NHMRC, and Michael Smith Foundation for Health Research (Canada).

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by University Of Melbourne.

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Eyewitness Memory Poor In Highly Intense And Stressful Situations

2007-08-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Science Daily — New Haven, Conn. -- The ability to recognize persons encountered during highly threatening and stressful events is poor in the majority of individuals, according to a Yale researcher.

"Contrary to the popular conception that most people would never forget the face of a clearly seen individual who had physically confronted them and threatened them for more than 30 minutes, a large number of subjects in this study were unable to correctly identify their perpetrator," said Charles Morgan III, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine.

The study included 509 active duty military personnel enrolled in survival school training. The types of stress were modeled after experiences of military personnel who had been prisoners of war (POWs) -- food and sleep deprivation for 48 hours followed by interrogation.

There were two instructors in the room, a "guard" and an "interrogator." The high stress interrogation included physical confrontation. During the low stress interrogation, the interrogator tried to trick the subject into giving away information.

Twenty-four hours after being released from the mock POW camp, the military personnel were asked to identify the interrogator and guard in a live line up, a photo spread, and a sequential photo presentation. Regardless of the presentation, recognition was better during the low stress rather than the high stress condition. In some cases, those interrogated confused even the gender of the guard and/or interrogator.

"The present data have a number of implications for law enforcement personnel, mental health professionals, physicians, attorneys and judges," Morgan said. "All professionals would do well to remember that a large number of healthy individuals may not be able to correctly identify suspects associated with highly stressful, compared to moderately stressful, events."

Co-authors included Major Gary Hazlett, Fort Bragg, N.C., Lt. Commanders Anthony Doran, Brunswick, Maine, Gary Hoyt of Coronado, Calif., and Steven Southwick, M.D., senior author, Stephan Garrett, Paul Thomas, and Madelon Baranoski, all from Yale.

Citation: International Journal of Psychiatry and the Law, Vol. 27/3: pp 265-279

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by Yale University

Science Daily
Source: Yale University
Date: June 4, 2004
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Carnegie Mellon Study Finds That Facial Expressions Reveal How The Body Reacts To Stress

2007-08-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

Science Daily — A provocative new study has found that people who respond to stressful situations with angry facial expressions, rather than fearful expressions, are less likely to suffer such ill effects of stress as high blood pressure and high stress hormone secretion. The paper, authored by scholars at Carnegie Mellon University, the University of California, Los Angeles, and the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine will be published in the November 1 issue of the journal Biological Psychiatry. The results will be presented October 24 during the 43rd annual New Horizons in Science Briefing in Pittsburgh.

Darwin first proposed that facial expressions of emotion signal biological responses to challenges and opportunities. Over a century later, a number of scientists have taken up Darwin's hypothesis, making the biological significance of facial expression a topic of renewed scientific inquiry. One important, but unexamined, question concerned the biological significance of facial responses to stressful circumstances. Because stress responses are central to survival, the authors of the present study reasoned, stressful situations should be especially likely to reveal coordinated biological reactions and facial communication, in part to warn or warn off others.

"We tested whether facial muscle movements in response to a stressor would reveal changes in the body's two major stress-response systems -- the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the hypothalamic pituitary adrenocortical (HPA) axis. Analyses of facial expressions revealed that the more fear individuals displayed in response to the stressors, the higher their biological responses to stress. By contrast, the more anger and disgust (indignation) individuals displayed in response to the same stressors, the lower their responses," said Jennifer Lerner, the Estella Loomis McCandless Associate Professor of Psychology and Decision Science at Carnegie Mellon and lead author of the study.

This paper challenges two long-held assumptions: one, that stress elicits undifferentiated negative emotions and as a consequence produces a uniform biological response; and two, that all negative emotions, such as fear and anger, provoke the same psychological and biological reactions. This paper builds on a line of work led by Lerner showing that anger triggers feelings of certainty and control as well as optimistic perceptions of risk. A landmark study by Lerner found that Americans' initial emotional reaction to the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks predicted their risk perceptions two months later, those reacting with anger the most optimistic and the most likely to favor aggressive responses to terrorism. No other study, however, has demonstrated that a person's facial expressions reveal changes in both of the body's stress response systems.

"Anger can sometimes be adaptive. We're showing for the first time that when you are in a situation that is maddening and in which anger or indignation are justifiable responses, anger is not bad for you," Lerner said. In the past, researchers have assumed that anger can contribute to coronary disease and hypertension, co-author Shelley Taylor added. Although a chronically angry, explosive temperament may do just that, justifiable anger in response to short-term frustrating circumstances appears to be a healthier response than responding with fear.

During the experiment, 92 participants performed mathematical exercises, including counting backwards by seven from 9,095, and counting backwards by 13 from 6,233. To make the exercises more stressful, participants were informed of each mistake they made, and they were urged to go faster by a harassing experimenter. Participants, who also were asked to complete arithmetic problems from an intelligence test, were told these tasks were indicative of general intelligence and that their responses would be compared to other participants' scores. To ensure that the tasks were creating stress, researchers assessed the participants' emotional states and measured their stress hormone (i.e., cortisol) level, pulse, heart rate and blood pressure during periods of relaxation as well as immediately following the exercises. Increases in those biological measures were less pronounced in the participants displaying anger and indignation than in the participants displaying fear.

Taken together, the data reveal that the face represents an important window into the influences of stress and emotion on health. Because facial expressions can be assessed from the first moments to the last moments of life, across cultures, across social contexts and even across species, these results open up new opportunities for tracking developmental trajectories in stress responses, for assessing culture-specific appraisal patterns, and for assessing stress responses in naturalistic work and family settings.

The paper was co-authored by Shelley E. Taylor, a professor of psychology at UCLA; Roxana M. Gonzalez, a doctoral student in the Department of Social and Decision Sciences at Carnegie Mellon; and Ronald E. Dahl and Ahmad R. Hariri, affective neuroscientists at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

Source: Carnegie Mellon University
Date: October 25, 2005
Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by Carnegie Mellon University.
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Health Benefits of a Sincere Apology

2007-08-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

We all know the feeling. You gossiped and the person found out. You helped yourself to something that wasn't yours (such as someone's spouse). You stole. You lied. You read your child's diary. It never sits quite right -- you toss, you turn in bed, you have that sinking feeling in your chest, you eat, you drink too much, you get headaches.

Carol Orsborn, PhD, a research associate at UCLA and author of 15 books including Nothing Left Unsaid: Words to Help You and Your Loved Ones Through the Hardest Times and The Silver Pearl: Our Generation's Journey to Wisdom, tells WebMD about a woman she met while writing the latter book.

Barbara, age 50, was going through a divorce and her brother was her mainstay, talking her through lonely nights on the phone. Then she met the man of her dreams and moved away. She got so swept up in her new life, she put her brother on the backburner. She missed his birthday.

That's when the sleepless nights began. She was embarrassed to even call. She knew he would be hurt -- but would he be angry? Eventually, she picked up the phone. Yes, he was hurt, but he said he understood. She started sleeping again -- and talking to her brother.

Orsborn surveyed 100 women in the baby boomer group for The Silver Pearl. "These were women who were role models with a positive attitude, whether or not they had any money," she says.

A key characteristic was their ability and willingness to clear up unfinished business, she notes.

Stages of Life Keyed to Level of Healing
"Stage one," Orsborn says, "is the good little girl stage. No matter what their age, women in this stage may apologize for everything, even things they don't need to. They need to please people."

Stage two is the rebellion period. Women, Orsborn says, can rebel against the pleasing phase and are not likely to apologize for anything! "They are mad about everything," she says.

The third stage is wisdom, she says. "When women get beyond following the rules and beyond reactivity, they take the best of both. This means they have an urge to reconcile legitimate shortcomings."

In terms of health, Orsborn says, "Women at stages one and two tend to have more stress-related disorders and anxiety."

On the flip side, a study done in 2002 by researchers from Hope College and Virginia Commonwealth University showed that heart rate, blood pressure, sweat levels, and facial tension decreased in victims of wrongs when they imagined receiving an apology.

In both cases, the people were carrying "the pain of the past," as Orsborn puts it, and then could lay it down and walk away from it.

How to Say It Like You Mean It
Neither the apologizer nor the apologizee, however, will benefit if the apology is not sincere.

"Saying you are sorry is so difficult," Alexandra Delis-Abrams, PhD, also known as "The Attitude Doc," tells WebMD. "It's an ego thing. It's humiliating to say you were wrong and are sorry. It means you did something you shouldn't have and you know it. Now you have to take responsibility."

It helps only if you mean it, she adds. "People often just give it lip service. I think there is a song by Garth Brooks that goes, 'I buried the hatchet, but left out the handle.' You can't leave out the handle."

Orsborn recommends invoking a prayer from the Buddhist tradition. "Before you offer an apology or pick up the phone, sit comfortably, breathe slowly, and feel the burden of having not asked for forgiveness bear down on you. After you have felt that as deeply as possible, then say to yourself, "I have hurt someone out of ignorance, anger, or confusion, and I ask for the power to forgive myself."

Before you can ask for someone else's forgiveness, you have to forgive yourself, Orsborn says. "You won't get the benefits it you don't forgive yourself." In other words, more sleepless nights!

What Not to Say
Here are some wrong ways to go about it:

The DC Special. "If I have offended some people, I apologize." No if's.
The two-way. "I am sincerely sorry, but you sort of are to blame, too."
The reset. If the apology is a way to reset the system so you can offend again, this is also insincere. Often abusing spouses use this one.
Changing Your Cells?
Delis-Abrams says changes in thoughts can program cell structure to provide health benefits. "When you tell a lie," she says, "according to Chinese medicine, the lie gets lodged on the body on the cell level. It can feel like a knot. When you say you are sorry, the body knows the truth of whether you mean it. You are the one who can change your body. You are the one in charge of your thoughts."

She tells of a time she told her son something about his sister that was really his sister's prerogative to tell. "I said I was sorry," she recalls. "I freed myself! I felt much better."

Acceptance or Not
Delis-Abrams says the other person does not have to accept your apology for you to get the health benefits. She tells of two business associates who had a falling out. One wrote to the other and said, "I miss you." Her friend said, "Well, I don't miss her." She wrote back and said she didn't miss her former associate but now they were both free to move on.

"Your apology may never be accepted," Orsborn says. "You need to find a way to live with that. When you hold onto problems, it's like dragging an anchor. Your best thinking occurs when you find a sense of peace."

And your best night's sleep, too.

By Charlene Laino
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
WebMD FeatureStar Lawrence is a medical journalist based in the Phoenix area.
Published Oct. 24, 2005.
SOURCES: Carol Orsborn, PhD, research associate, UCLA; author, Nothing Left Unsaid: Words to Help You and Your Loved Ones Through the Hardest Times and The Silver Pearl: Our Generation's Journey to Wisdom. Alexandra Delis-Abrams, PhD, author, Attitudes, Beliefs and Choices. WebMD Medical News: "Saying 'Sorry' Goes a Long Way.""Saying 'Sorry' Goes a Long Way."
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved

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Temper Tantrums - Topic Overview

2007-08-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

What are temper tantrums?

A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts; it is not an act to get attention, as is commonly thought. During a temper tantrum, children typically cry, yell, and flail their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes and are most intense at the onset.

Occasionally temper tantrums last longer and consist of more aggressive behavior, such as hitting, biting, and pinching. If this type of more aggressive behavior becomes common, a behavioral disorder or other health condition may be the cause.

Anyone can have a tantrum, even an adult. However, temper tantrums are most common in children between the ages of 1 and 4 years.

Is it normal for my child to have temper tantrums?

Temper tantrums are common, occurring in about 80% of children between the ages of 1 and 4. About 20% of 2-year-olds and 10% of 4-year-olds have daily temper tantrums.1

Why do children have temper tantrums?

A tantrum is a normal and expected response when something interferes with a young child's attempt to gain independence or to master a skill. For example, a temper tantrum may be triggered when a child becomes frustrated while trying to button a shirt or is told it is time for bed when he or she wants to stay up longer.

Some children are more likely to have temper tantrums than other children. Factors that contribute to a child's tendency to have tantrums include fatigue, the child's age and stage of development, temperament, stress in the child's environment, and whether underlying behavioral, developmental, or health conditions are present (such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] or autism). Also, a child may be more likely to have temper tantrums if parents react too strongly to difficult behavior or give in to the child's demands.

How do I deal with temper tantrums?

Ignoring the tantrum behavior and helping a young child learn how to handle and express anger and frustration are usually effective ways to deal with the behavior. Also, paying attention to what triggers tantrums can help you act before a child's emotions escalate beyond the point where he or she can control them.

If your child continues to have frequent temper tantrums after age 3, you may need to use time-outs. A time-out removes the child from the situation, allows him or her time to calm down, and teaches the child that having a temper tantrum is not acceptable behavior. Time-out works best for children who understand why it is being used.

Will my child grow out of having temper tantrums?

Most children gradually learn healthy ways to handle the strong emotions that can lead to temper tantrums. They also usually improve their ability to communicate, become increasingly independent, and recognize the benefits of having these skills. Children who continue to have tantrums after the age of 4 usually need outside help learning to deal with anger. Temper tantrums that continue or start during the school years may be a sign of other issues, including problems with learning or getting along with other children.

Should I see my child's doctor about temper tantrums?

Talk with a health professional if:

You have concerns about your child's temper tantrums.
Your child older than 4 years continues to have frequent temper tantrums.
Your child's temper tantrums escalate into violent behavior that endangers others or results in self-inflicted injuries.
You have problems handling your child's behavior, especially if you are concerned that you might hurt your child.
Frequently Asked Questions

Learning about temper tantrums:

What is a temper tantrum?
What are the symptoms of a temper tantrum?
Being diagnosed:

How do I know whether my child's behavior is a temper tantrum?
Getting treatment:

When should my child see a health professional for temper tantrums?
Living with temper tantrums:

How can I help manage my child's temper tantrums?

WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: December 13, 2006
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.

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Health and Safety,Ages 2 to 5 Years - Parent Self-Care

2007-08-09T12:58:00.000-07:00

Connection between parental well-being and child safety

Taking care of yourself is a vital part of keeping your child safe. Although accidents can occur at any time, most happen during times of excess stress, such as when:2

Parents and children are hungry and tired, especially right after work and before dinner.
Another baby is expected.
There is an illness or death in the family.
Marital problems develop.
Major changes in the routine or environment occur, such as when a child's caregiver changes, or when moving to a new house, or even going on vacation.
Recognize the signs of stress and what situations cause it. Be extra vigilant during these times and take care of yourself and your personal relationships.

For more information, see the topic Stress Management.

Seeking help

All parents have times when they feel exhausted, frustrated, angry, sad, or overwhelmed. Recognize that this is a normal part of being human and a parent. However, if these feelings become too much for you to handle alone, keep your child safe by getting help. For example, when your emotions are too much for you to handle alone, you may not have the energy or desire to watch your child as closely as you should. Some parents injure their children when their emotions cause them to shake, hit, or push them. This can result in such problems as shaken baby syndrome, which can cause permanent brain damage or even death.

Call 911 immediately if you feel you are about to injure yourself or your child.

Places to go for help include:

Your family health professional (such as a family medicine doctor).
A pediatrician.
A licensed mental health counselor.
Your local hospital.
Parenting organizations (see the Other Places to Get Help section of this topic).
For more information on physical harm to children, see the topics Shaken Baby Syndrome and Child Abuse and Neglect. For more information on handling difficult emotions, see the topics Depression, Anger and Hostility, and Anxiety.

WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: January 05, 2007
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.

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Can Stress Cause Weight Gain?

2007-08-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Your job is hanging by a thread, and the credit-card bills are mounting. Your teenager wants to quit school and become a professional snowboarder. Or maybe it's the increasing tensions in the world, brought to you 24 hours a day on your TV screen, getting you down.

Regardless of the reason, stress is a way of life in the 21st century. And for some people, the effects go beyond feelings of anxiety and discomfort. For these people, stress can mean facing each day ravenously hungry -- and adding weight gain to their list of worries.

"While the immediate . . . response to acute stress can be a temporary loss of appetite, more and more we are coming to recognize that for some people, chronic stress can be tied to an increase in appetite -- and stress-induced weight gain," says Elissa Epel, PhD, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco.

The problem, she says, lies within our neuroendocrine system -- a brain-to-body connection that harkens back to evolutionary times and which helped our distant ancestors to survive. Though today the source of the stress is more likely to be an unpaid bill than a saber-toothed tiger, this system still activates a series of hormones whenever we feel threatened.

"These hormones give us the biochemical strength we need to fight or flee our stressors," Epel tells WebMD.

The hormones released when we're stressed include adrenalin -- which gives us instant energy -- along with corticotrophin releasing hormone (CRH) and cortisol. While high levels of adrenalin and CRH decrease appetite at first, the effects usually don't last long.

And cortisol works on a different timetable. Its job is to help us replenish our body after the stress has passed, and it hangs around a lot longer. "It can remain elevated, increasing your appetite and ultimately driving you to eat more," says Epel.

'Fight or flee' -- or chow down
While this system works fine when our stress comes in the form of physical danger -- when we really need to "fight or flee", and then replenish -- it doesn't serve the same purpose for today's garden-variety stressors.

"Often, our response to stress today is to sit and stew in our frustration and anger, without expending any of the calories or food stores that we would if we were physically fighting our way out of stress or danger," says Shawn Talbott, PhD, an associate professor in the Department of Nutrition at the University of Utah and author of The Cortisol Connection.

"Often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress"

In other words, since your neuro-endocrine system doesn't know you didn't fight or flee, it still responds to stress with the hormonal signal to replenish nutritional stores -- which may make you feel hungry.

Following those stress signals can lead not only to weight gain, but also the tendency to store what is called "visceral fat" around the midsection. These fat cells that lie deep within the abdomen have been linked to an increase in both diabetes and heart disease.

To further complicate matters, the "fuel" our muscles need during "fight or flight " is sugar -- one reason we crave carbohydrates when we are stressed, says endocrinologist Riccardo Perfetti, MD, PhD.

"To move the sugar from our blood to our muscles requires insulin, the hormone that opens the gates to the cells and lets the sugar in," says Perfetti, who directs the outpatient diabetes program at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. And high levels of sugar and insulin set the stage for the body to store fat.

"So people who are under stress, metabolically speaking, will gain weight for that very reason," Perfetti tells WebMD.

Mind Over Matter
As much as we would like to blame all our weight gain on stress, experts say that eating in response to stress can also be a learned habit -- one that's merely encouraged by brain chemistry.

"Under stress, there's an impulse to do something, to move, and often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress. It's easy to do and it's comforting," says David Ginsberg, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Behavioral Health Program at New York University Medical Center.

In fact, it may be our bodies' initial response to rising levels of cortisol that teaches us there is comfort in sugary or starchy foods.

"During the first couple of days following a stressful event, cortisol is giving you a clue to eat high-carbohydrate foods," Perfetti tells WebMD. "Once you comply, you quickly learn a behavioral response that you can feel almost destined to repeat anytime you feel stressed."

Now for the good news: Whether your urge to eat is driven by hormones or habits or a combination of both, research shows there are ways to interrupt the cycle, break the stress and stop the weight gain.

Here's what the experts recommend:

1. Exercise. This is the best stress-buster -- and also happens to be good for you in lots of other ways. "It not only burns calories, when you move your body, even with a simple activity such as walking, you begin to produce a cascade of biochemicals, at least some of which counter the negative effects of stress hormones -- as well as control insulin and sugar levels," says Talbott.

At the same time, Ginsburg notes that exercising too hard for too long can raise cortisol levels and actually increase stress. The answer, he says is to choose an activity you really enjoy doing -- be it an aerobic sport like running or a calmer activity such as Pilates -- and then keep workouts to a length that doesn't exhaust you (this could be as little as 20 minutes a day, three to five days a week).

2. Eat a balanced diet -- and never skip a meal. "Eat breakfast -- and try to consume six small rather than three huge meals a day, with foods from all the food groups," Ginsberg tells WebMD. This helps keep blood sugar levels steady, which in turn put a damper on insulin production and eventually reduce cortisol levels -- all helping to control appetite and weight.

3. Don't lose sleep, over your weight problems or your stress -- When we don't get enough rest, cortisol levels rise, making us feel hungry and less satisfied with the food we do eat, Ginsberg says.

4. Devote time to relaxation -- Because it works much like exercise to produce brain chemicals that counter the effects of stress, Ginsburg suggests finding the activities that make you feel relaxed and calm. For some, he says, yoga can do the trick. Others may prefer meditation techniques or deep breathing.

And don't overlook the relaxing power of cuddling up on a sofa with a good book or magazine, or even playing your favorite movie on the VCR. "Anything that makes you feel calm and relaxed will help counter the biochemical effects of stress," says Talbott.

5. Snack on whole grain, high fiber foods. If you just can't ignore those stress-related hunger pangs, try filling your tummy with foods high in fiber and low in sugar, like oatmeal, whole wheat bread, or fruits such as pears or plums.

According to Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, author of Fight Fat After Forty, foods that are high in sugar and simple carbohydrates -- like white flour, cookies, cake, white rice, or pasta -- cause insulin levels to rise, which in turn increases stress hormones and ultimately makes you feel more hungry. But high-fiber, whole-grain foods -- particularly cereals like oatmeal or multi-grain flakes, as well as fruits -- help keep insulin levels on a even keel, which can help control blood sugar levels, and ultimately, hunger, according to Peeke.

6. Avoid caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol -- According to the American Institute of Stress, cigarettes, as well as caffeine-laden soft drinks, coffee, tea, and even chocolate, can cause cortisol levels to rise, stress to increase, blood sugar to drop and hunger to prevail. The institute also cautions against drinking too much alcohol, which can affect blood sugar and insulin levels.

7. Take your vitamins -- A number of medical studies have shown that stress can deplete important nutrients -- particularly the B complex and C vitamins, and sometimes the minerals calcium and magnesium.

Because these nutrients are needed to balance the effects of stress hormones like cortisol, and may even play a role in helping us burn fat, it's important to keep levels high, Talbott says. While a good diet will help, he says, taking a high potency multi-vitamin supplement can insure you give your body what it needs to not only deal with the stress, but also burn fat and lose weight.

And speaking of losing weight, here's one bit of news you may be happy to hear: Experts say you shouldn't try to go on a strict diet when you're under extreme or chronic stress.

In one study, published in the Journal of Clinical Nutrition in 2001, researchers from the University of British Columbia found that severely limiting calorie intake could kick off a series of biochemical events that ultimately not only increased stress levels, but could make people feel more hungry.

The researchers followed 62 women for three days. Of this group, 33 were on a diet of no more than about 1,500 calories a day, while the other 29 consumed up to about 2,200 calories daily.

After analyzing urine samples, researchers found that the women who had consumed the least food had the highest levels of cortisol. Not surprisingly, these same women also reported more stress during what researchers called "daily food-related experiences." In short, the more they restricted food intake, the greater their levels of stress hormones, and, ultimately, the more they wanted to eat.

If you find yourself chronically stressed out, the experts say, you should do what you can to decrease your stress levels, then follow a reduced-calorie, yet balanced, diet to stop the weight gain and lose the extra pounds.

By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed by Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD

WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed on May 13, 2005
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved

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Why do you get so angry, and what is it doing to your health?

2007-08-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

There's the waitress who refuses to look in your direction. The oaf who drifts across the highway without using his blinker. And the cheerful, recorded voice that draws you deeper and deeper into voice-mail hell.

The most minor annoyance can send us into a fury. But have you ever stopped to think why we get angry? What is anger, anyway?

"Anger is a natural emotion," says Charles D. Spielberger, PhD, a research professor of psychology at the University of South Florida who has studied anger for 25 years. "There is nothing abnormal about it."

Anger might be normal, but it does affect you physically. When you get enraged during a traffic jam or at your kid's soccer game, your hormone levels increase, your breathing quickens, your pulse and blood pressure soar, you start to sweat, and your pupils dilate.

Basically, your body is gearing up for action. This is the "fight" part of the "fight or flight" response. Spielberger says anger has an evolutionary advantage: "Fear and rage are common to animals, too, because it helps them to fight and survive."

The problem is that, nowadays, anger isn't always so useful. Most of us don't run into man-eating tigers standing in line at the DMV.

The physical effects of anger on your body can be lasting. Some studies have shown a connection between anger and high blood pressure, depression, and heart disease. One study found that people highly prone to anger are three times as likely to have a heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease as less angry people.

So what's the solution? Should you cork up your anger or regularly blow your stack? Experts say neither. Whether you hold it in or explode in a rage, frequent feelings of intense anger may pose the same health risks.

The key is to make your anger constructive. Spielberger says that the first step is self-awareness. Don't allow yourself to fly into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. Stay in control. It's the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry.

Once you can identify the real problem, you can try to solve it rationally instead of getting pointlessly furious. If you're angry with someone, talk about it in an assertive, but never aggressive, way. If a certain situation sparks your anger, learn how to prepare for it -- or better yet, avoid it -- in the future.

Anger Management Tips
Breathe! Inhale and exhale deeply from your diaphragm, under your chest bone. After a minute or so, you should feel some tension ebb away. You can do breathing exercises anywhere, anytime-even during an aggravating dinner with your in-laws.

Take a break. When rage strikes, change the scenery. If possible, leave the room or take a walk.

Use your mind. Count to 10. Imagine yourself on a Caribbean beach. Or repeat a soothing word to yourself.

Blow off steam. Exercise, because physical activity can be a great stress reliever. Try slow, stretching moves like those done in yoga.

By R. Morgan Griffin
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
WebMD Feature
Reviewed on April 30, 2007
© 2006 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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7 Ways to De-Stress Your Diet

2007-08-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Which comes first: Do our high-stress lives lead us to eat badly, or do our bad eating habits make us more likely to feel stressed out?

The way I see it, the chicken AND the egg both come first, depending on the situation. Stress can lead some people to crave (and overeat) junk food. In other cases, a diet rich in sugar, unhealthy fats, caffeine, etc., can help set up some people to feel more physically stressed.

That means we need to work on both ends of the stick. We should find new ways to deal with the stress in our lives; and we should eat a healthy diet, rich in the nutrients that help keep moods up and stress down.

So before we get down to the nitty-gritty of food and stress, keep these two suggestions in mind:

Find new ways to cope with life's stresses. Whenever possible, plug in healthy coping strategies, like journaling; regular exercise; massage; yoga or Pilates classes; or support groups or counseling sessions that help you work through negative thoughts in a productive and healthy way.

Find ways to decrease the stress in your life. Get enough sleep, quit smoking, establish a great support system, strive for balance in the different aspects of your life (family, work, personal interests), and find a sense of purpose in your life.
Food, Hormones, and Stress
One key to the link between food and mood is serotonin, which I have fondly nicknamed "the happy hormone." Serotonin is made in the brain from the amino acid tryptophan, with the help of certain B vitamins.

Amino acids are the building blocks of protein, so you might think that foods high in protein would increase levels of tryptophan, but the opposite is true. Tryptophan has to fight with other amino acids to cross the blood-brain barrier and get into the brain. Since tryptophan is the weaker of the amino acids, generally only a small amount makes it into the brain when other amino acids are present.

But here's the catch. When you eat a meal that's almost all carbs, this triggers insulin to clear the other amino acids from your bloodstream. That leaves tryptophan with a smooth passage into the brain. This, in turn, boosts the serotonin level in the brain. High serotonin levels help boost your mood and help you feel calm.

The other main stress/food hormone is cortisol. When you're stressed, your body releases more cortisol into your bloodstream. Cortisol sends appetite-stimulating neurotransmitters into overdrive, while lowering your levels of serotonin. This combination programs your brain to crave carbohydrate-rich foods. And when you eat the carb-rich foods, it boosts serotonin levels, which makes you feel calm again.

But before you rush out for that carb fix, here are six tips to help you give yourself the nutritional edge against stress:

1. Keep It Balanced

A balanced, nutrient-rich eating plan is your single best dietary defense against stress. There is more and more scientific evidence suggesting that what we eat contributes to mood, stress level, brain function, and energy level.

2. Keep Healthy Carbs Handy

Giving your body the carbs it craves during stress doesn't have to mean filling up with empty calories from sugar and white-flour products. Complex or "whole" carbohydrate foods (like whole grains, fruits, and veggies) give you carbs along with fiber, vitamins, minerals, and phytochemicals galore.

A study in 1995 (before the current low-carb hysteria) looked at obese women who said they overate carbohydrates when stressed. Researchers assigned the women to either a carb-rich diet or protein-rich diet -- both with 1,350 daily calories -- for seven weeks. Interestingly, more women lost weight on the carbohydrate-rich diet. But perhaps more important, those on the higher-carb diet reported having fewer carbohydrate cravings and more energy.

3. Omega-3s to the Rescue

Omega-3 fatty acids are found in fish as well as some plant foods, like canola oil and ground flaxseed. Although their uplifting effect on mood hasn't been proven, several studies have suggested a connection. This makes scientific sense because:

In areas of the world where more omega-3s are consumed, depression is less common.
Depression rates are high among alcoholics and women who have recently given birth. Both groups tend to be deficient in omega-3s.
People with depression have been found to have lower levels of omega-3 fatty acids in their red blood cells compared with others.
4. Cut the Caffeine

Caffeine is a stimulant. It stimulates the bowels and bladder, and it seems to increase your energy level for the short term. But what goes up must come down, and in people sensitive to caffeine, it can come crashing down.

Larry Christensen, PhD, a researcher with the University of South Alabama, found in recent studies that when people who are sensitive to caffeine eliminated it from their diets, their moods and energy levels improved significantly.

Don't know if you are one of the caffeine-sensitive people? Try avoiding caffeine for a few weeks and see if there's a difference in the way you feel. It can be hard to go cold turkey, so taper off your intake a cup at a time until you're down to none.

5. Don't Be a Breakfast-Skipper

When people eat breakfast, they tend to have more consistent moods and are less likely to suffer food cravings later in the day.

6. Eat Smaller, More Frequent Meals

This will provide your body with a consistent supply of energy throughout the day and help you avoid feeling tired or overly hungry.

7. Don't Expect Alcohol to Help

Alcohol is not a healthy or effective way to relax or relieve stress. Though many people believe the opposite is true, alcohol is actually a depressant. And overdrinking only adds to the stress in your life.

By Elaine Magee, RD, MPH
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Expert Column

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

10 Parenting Tips for Raising Teenagers

2007-08-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

How do you breach the barriers of adolescence? Here are 10 parenting tips for raising teenagers.

Your chatterbox son now answers your questions with a sullen "yes" or "no." Your charming daughter won't go to the store with you at all anymore. They must be teenagers. Don't despair. It's natural -- and important -- for kids to break away from their parents at this age. This emotional separation allows them to become well-adjusted adults.

Yet these must be among the most difficult years for any parent. To help with parenting tips, WebMD turned to three national experts:

David Elkind, PhD, author of All Grown Up and No Place to Go and a professor of child development at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston.

Amy Bobrow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and professor in the Child Study Center at New York University School of Medicine in Manhattan.

Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University.

10 Parenting Tips
1. Give kids some leeway. Giving teens a chance to establish their own identity, giving them more independence, is essential to helping them establish their own place in the world. "But if it means he's going out with a bad crowd, that's another thing," says Elkind.

2. Choose your battles wisely. "Doing themselves harm or doing something that could be permanent (like a tattoo), those things matter," says Kaslow. "Purple hair, a messy room -- those don't matter." Don't nitpick.

3. Invite their friends for dinner. It helps to meet kids you have questions about. "You're not flat-out rejecting them, you're at least making an overture. When kids see them, see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends," Elkind tells WebMD. "It's the old adage, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. If you flatly say, you can't go out with those kids, it often can backfire -- it just increases the antagonism."

4. Decide rules and discipline in advance. "If it's a two-parent family, it's important for parents to have their own discussion, so they can come to some kind of agreement, so parents are on the same page," says Bobrow. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or Internet use -- whatever -- set it in advance. If the kid says it isn't fair, then you have to agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.

5. Discuss 'checking in.' "Give teens age-appropriate autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately," says Kaslow. "But you need to know where they are. That's part of responsible parenting. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening, to check in. But that depends on the teen, how responsible they have been."

6. Talk to teens about risks. Whether it's drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your kids need to know the worst that could happen.

7. Give teens a game plan. Tell them: "If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me -- I don't care if it's 3 in the morning," says Bodrow. Or make sure they have cab fare. "Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face," she suggests. "Brainstorm with them. Come up with a solution that feels comfortable for that child."

8. Keep the door open. Don't interrogate, but act interested. Share a few tidbits about your own day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: "You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that's like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you come to me," Elkind suggests.

9. Let kids feel guilty. "I think too much is made about self-esteem," says Elkind. "Feeling good about yourself is healthy. But people should feel bad if they have hurt someone or done something wrong. Kids need to feel bad sometimes. Guilt is a healthy emotion. When kids have done something wrong, we hope they feel bad, we hope they feel guilty."

10. Be a role model. Your actions -- even more than your words -- are critical in helping teens adopt good moral and ethical standards, says Elkind. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.

By Jeanie Lerche Davis
Reviewed by Charlotte Grayson Mathis
WebMD Feature www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/10-parenting-tips-for-raising-teenagers
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com

Learn to Relax and Sleep Like a Baby

2007-07-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

Think about how easy it is for a baby or small child to fall asleep. We're born with the instinct to relax and sleep when our bodies or minds need a break. Over the years, it becomes necessary to control and even suppress these natural urges to rest, since we must remain alert as we attend school, learn professions, go to work, or care for a family. Many people spend years conditioning themselves to perform well despite feelings of tiredness. While no one would argue that suppressing tiredness can be a necessary skill, it can impair our ability to actually “let go” and relax when we do find the time.

Relaxation is also a uniquely individual activity. Napping or just doing nothing might be your idea of relaxation, but this amount of inactivity might drive someone else crazy. Others may relax by participating in sports or undertaking physical challenges, but some people would find these activities stressful. Whatever your idea of relaxation, the following tips can help you re-train and regain some of those lost relaxation skills:

Give yourself permission for some down time. Stop ruminating about work or personal problems or tasks. If it helps, make a to-do list of issues and projects and put it aside during your relaxation time. That way, you won’t worry about forgetting or neglecting any responsibilities after your break.

Decide if you’re interested in a structured relaxation program, such as courses in meditation, yoga, or martial arts. Some may find this kind of training helpful; others may feel it adds to their stress.

Try some short, simple exercises such as the Muscle Relaxation for Stress and Insomnia, Meditation for Reducing Stress and Improving Health, or 3 Minutes to Stress Relief!

Practice other positive health habits such as getting exercise and eating well. The healthier your body is, the better it can function in all areas, including relaxation. An exhausted, “burned out” state isn't going to bring on restorative or strengthening relaxation.

If necessary, force yourself to take emotional "time out" for relaxation. Practice shutting out stressful thoughts and images for a few minutes at a time to start out. Imagery exercises (visualizing a comforting or pleasurable setting) can help redirect your thoughts.

Accept help. Talk to a loved one or counselor about your stress. The very act of sharing can provide a much-needed release of anger and frustration.

Don’t always equate relaxation with sleep. Particularly if you suffer from stress-induced insomnia, daytime napping can just make your nights more wakeful. Instead, focus on an activity that gives you pleasure.

Remember that the best form of relaxation is finding and participating in something that brings you joy - whether it be alone or with others, sedentary or active, goal-directed or aimless - find whatever is it that brings you relaxation and peace.

WebMD Medical Reference from MedicineNet

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

Stress Types - Good Stress vs. Bad Stress

2007-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Stress was created to help the human body get through life's turbulence. When danger is sensed, the body's natural "fight or flight" response kicks in, as a way to prepare itself for battle. The adrenal glands kick into action, flooding the bloodstream with high doses of adrenaline to give the body energy.

Heart rate quickens and blood flow increases, giving the body's major organs and muscles more oxygen. Endorphins are released to work as natural painkillers. Breathing increases and digestion slows, all in attempt to help you better face what imminent struggle lays ahead. Nature's way of handling something bad coming our way, stress can be good when it helps you focus and deal with an emergency.

Problems arise when stress levels continue to escalate, causing this natural fight or flight response to stay with you throughout the day. An ongoing struggle with a spouse, an illness, or an unruly coworker can all cause this fight or flight response to linger unnaturally. The nervous system senses prolonged tension and danger, and may continue to pump hormones and chemicals throughout the body that can deplete a person's natural reserves, leaving them feeling tired and sick all of the time.

A little stress can be a good thing - but too much is bad for anyone. While good stress empowers us to get a job done, or handle a tough situation on our own, bad stress can strip us of confidence, and the wherewithal to tackle everyday issues.

Too Much Stress Is Bad.
Too much bad stress, (or a stress overload), can cause severe problems with the body's immune system, making its victim more prone to simple illnesses like colds and flu, or more serious conditions such as infections, diabetes, high blood pressure and gastrointestinal problems. Stress has also been linked to a higher rate of cancer, heart attack and stroke in some patients. In others, too much stress can lead to depression, which can cause serious mental and behavior problems as well.

What Causes Bad Stress?
Everyone reacts to stress differently; what bothers one person may easily be shrugged off by another. But, some of the most common stress-inducers are:

-Divorce
-Death
-Illness
-Moving
-New job
-Pregnancy
-Legal issues
-Retirement
-Financial problems
-Marriage

Recognizing The Symptoms Of Too Much Bad Stress.
The first step t overcoming bad stress is first, recognizing that you are experiencing it, than finding new ways to cope. Symptoms of a stress overload may include:

-Emotional Changes. Mood swings, anxiety, insomnia, trouble concentrating, anger and even feelings of agitation and tenseness may all be signs that your stress levels are hitting dangerous proportions.

-Feeling Unwell. Physical symptoms of stress can often be very subtle (an upset tummy, or trouble eating), or they can be more severe with extreme fatigue, throbbing headaches, chest pains, recurring diarrhea, or even angina and/or heart palpitations.

-Behavioral Changes are another sign that stress points are rising to an unhealthy state. Overreacting, anger, acting on impulse, withdraws and even a sudden need to quit or change jobs may be the result of stress overload.

Stress can be good or it can be bad. The best way to get control of bad stress is to recognize its symptoms, and learn how it affects your specific body so that you can better monitor and handle it. Learn to recognize how your body reacts to stress, and you'll be better prepared to stop it in its tracks.

Author:Matthew Hick

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

Meditation Reduces Stress and Improves Health

2007-07-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

A simple technique practiced for as few as 10 minutes per day can help you control stress , decrease anxiety, improve cardiovascular health, and achieve a greater capacity for relaxation.

The meditative technique called the "relaxation response" was pioneered in the US by Harvard physician Herbert Benson in the 1970s. The technique has gained acceptance by physicians and therapists worldwide as a valuable adjunct to therapy for symptom relief in conditions ranging from cancer to AIDS.

When our bodies are exposed to a sudden stress or threat, we respond with a characteristic “fight or flight” response. This is sometimes called an “adrenaline rush” Because the hormones epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine are released from the adrenal glands, resulting in an increase in blood pressure and pulse rate, faster breathing, and increased blood flow to the muscles.

The relaxation response is a technique designed to elicit the opposite bodily reaction from the “fight or flight” response -- a state of deep relaxation in which our breathing, pulse rate, blood pressure, and metabolism are decreased. Training our bodies on a daily basis to achieve this state of relaxation can lead to enhanced mood, lower blood pressure, and reduction of lifestyle stress.

The relaxation response technique consists of the silent repetition of a word, sound, or phrase while sitting quietly with eyes closed for 10 to 20 minutes. This should be done in a quiet place free of distractions. Sitting is preferred to lying down in order to avoid falling asleep. Relax your muscles starting with the feet and progressing up to your face. Breathe though your nose in a free and natural way.

You can choose any word or phrase you like. You can use a sound such as “om”, a word such as “one” or “peace”, or a word with special meaning to you. Intruding worries or thoughts should be ignored or dismissed to the best of your ability by focusing on the repetition. It’s OK to open your eyes to look at a clock while you are practicing, but do not set an alarm. When you have finished, remain seated, first with your eyes closed and then with your eyes open, and gradually allow your thoughts to return to everyday reality.

The technique requires some practice and may be difficult at first, but over time almost anyone can learn to achieve the desired state of relaxation. In his book The Relaxation Response (Harper Collins 1975, reissued in 2000) Dr. Benson recommends practicing the technique once or twice a day. He recommends not practicing the relaxation response within two hours after eating a meal because the digestive process may interfere with the technique.

The relaxation response can also be elicited through other meditative and relaxation techniques. No matter how the relaxation state is achieved, the physical and emotional consequences of stress can be reduced through regular practice.

WebMD Medical Reference from MedicineNet

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com

Tips for Building Love Relationships

2007-07-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Tips for Building Love Relationships
Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their significant other. But what do they do? Same old thing over and over, and then wonder why it all went bad.

There's no such thing as a free lunch. Everything has a cost, whether it's in dollars, time, trouble or work. And relationships are no different. A good, no, a great, relationship doesn't happen by accident.

Too many people get all caught up in the dizzy craziness of early love and start to think it should always be like that - that weird magic and incredible obsession of the beginning of a relationship. Inevitably, people move beyond it and that's when it's critical to pay attention and start building the real thing.

Has the passion started to ooze away? Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also a vital part of keeping a relationship healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When there's trouble, maybe the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other, but this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship. It may be awkward in the beginning, but it is crucial.

Do something to make your intimate time together special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel with a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

Since men sometimes have difficulty figuring out how to show their feelings, here's a few items that can make a woman feel good:

* Tell her how beautiful she is

* Compliment her on her many skills (and be specific about this, it's important)

* Try leaving the toilet seat down (sounds silly but it drives some woman nuts)

* Tell her how much she means to you

* Let her know that she is your best friend

* Be affectionate with her in front of family and friends

* Let her know that you think she's sexy

Despite that moronic movie, if you want to have a relationship with any staying power, you have to be able to say you're sorry. People fight, even lovers. But there are no winners. If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is hurtful or damaging to the relationship, say that you are sorry. Right away.

Many people struggle with these words, even when they know that what they did was wrong. It takes a strong (and smart) person to apologize. No waiting, say it immediately, and with sincerity. When couples argue, that long period of silence actually makes the anger and tension worse. You need to let your mate know immediately that you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness.

You don't need to drive yourself crazy with this, but pay attention to how your relationship is going. Open your eyes and take stock of what is and is not working. Are there definite things missing or definite problem areas that need to be worked on? Think about it. If you invest in the stock market, you pay attention to what is going on so you can make changes if needed. Your relationship is far more than the stock market but requires some of the same strategies.

Being aware can help you stop problems early and find new ways to make your relationship better. We tend to stop seeing things when they become routine. We build habits because they make our life easier and simpler - or so it seems. But when it comes to relationship, intimacy and passion, those routines and habits will kill them dead in time. Surprise, imagination, novelty, doing something unexpected and different will all help keep a relationship fresh.

Written by: Sten Olsin

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com