We all know the feeling. You gossiped and the person found out. You helped yourself to something that wasn't yours (such as someone's spouse). You stole. You lied. You read your child's diary. It never sits quite right -- you toss, you turn in bed, you have that sinking feeling in your chest, you eat, you drink too much, you get headaches.
Carol Orsborn, PhD, a research associate at UCLA and author of 15 books including Nothing Left Unsaid: Words to Help You and Your Loved Ones Through the Hardest Times and The Silver Pearl: Our Generation's Journey to Wisdom, tells WebMD about a woman she met while writing the latter book.
Barbara, age 50, was going through a divorce and her brother was her mainstay, talking her through lonely nights on the phone. Then she met the man of her dreams and moved away. She got so swept up in her new life, she put her brother on the backburner. She missed his birthday.
That's when the sleepless nights began. She was embarrassed to even call. She knew he would be hurt -- but would he be angry? Eventually, she picked up the phone. Yes, he was hurt, but he said he understood. She started sleeping again -- and talking to her brother.
Orsborn surveyed 100 women in the baby boomer group for The Silver Pearl. "These were women who were role models with a positive attitude, whether or not they had any money," she says.
A key characteristic was their ability and willingness to clear up unfinished business, she notes.
Stages of Life Keyed to Level of Healing
"Stage one," Orsborn says, "is the good little girl stage. No matter what their age, women in this stage may apologize for everything, even things they don't need to. They need to please people."
Stage two is the rebellion period. Women, Orsborn says, can rebel against the pleasing phase and are not likely to apologize for anything! "They are mad about everything," she says.
The third stage is wisdom, she says. "When women get beyond following the rules and beyond reactivity, they take the best of both. This means they have an urge to reconcile legitimate shortcomings."
In terms of health, Orsborn says, "Women at stages one and two tend to have more stress-related disorders and anxiety."
On the flip side, a study done in 2002 by researchers from Hope College and Virginia Commonwealth University showed that heart rate, blood pressure, sweat levels, and facial tension decreased in victims of wrongs when they imagined receiving an apology.
In both cases, the people were carrying "the pain of the past," as Orsborn puts it, and then could lay it down and walk away from it.
How to Say It Like You Mean It
Neither the apologizer nor the apologizee, however, will benefit if the apology is not sincere.
"Saying you are sorry is so difficult," Alexandra Delis-Abrams, PhD, also known as "The Attitude Doc," tells WebMD. "It's an ego thing. It's humiliating to say you were wrong and are sorry. It means you did something you shouldn't have and you know it. Now you have to take responsibility."
It helps only if you mean it, she adds. "People often just give it lip service. I think there is a song by Garth Brooks that goes, 'I buried the hatchet, but left out the handle.' You can't leave out the handle."
Orsborn recommends invoking a prayer from the Buddhist tradition. "Before you offer an apology or pick up the phone, sit comfortably, breathe slowly, and feel the burden of having not asked for forgiveness bear down on you. After you have felt that as deeply as possible, then say to yourself, "I have hurt someone out of ignorance, anger, or confusion, and I ask for the power to forgive myself."
Before you can ask for someone else's forgiveness, you have to forgive yourself, Orsborn says. "You won't get the benefits it you don't forgive yourself." In other words, more sleepless nights!
What Not to Say
Here are some wrong ways to go about it:
The DC Special. "If I have offended some people, I apologize." No if's.
The two-way. "I am sincerely sorry, but you sort of are to blame, too."
The reset. If the apology is a way to reset the system so you can offend again, this is also insincere. Often abusing spouses use this one.
Changing Your Cells?
Delis-Abrams says changes in thoughts can program cell structure to provide health benefits. "When you tell a lie," she says, "according to Chinese medicine, the lie gets lodged on the body on the cell level. It can feel like a knot. When you say you are sorry, the body knows the truth of whether you mean it. You are the one who can change your body. You are the one in charge of your thoughts."
She tells of a time she told her son something about his sister that was really his sister's prerogative to tell. "I said I was sorry," she recalls. "I freed myself! I felt much better."
Acceptance or Not
Delis-Abrams says the other person does not have to accept your apology for you to get the health benefits. She tells of two business associates who had a falling out. One wrote to the other and said, "I miss you." Her friend said, "Well, I don't miss her." She wrote back and said she didn't miss her former associate but now they were both free to move on.
"Your apology may never be accepted," Orsborn says. "You need to find a way to live with that. When you hold onto problems, it's like dragging an anchor. Your best thinking occurs when you find a sense of peace."
And your best night's sleep, too.
By Charlene Laino
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
WebMD FeatureStar Lawrence is a medical journalist based in the Phoenix area.
Published Oct. 24, 2005.
SOURCES: Carol Orsborn, PhD, research associate, UCLA; author, Nothing Left Unsaid: Words to Help You and Your Loved Ones Through the Hardest Times and The Silver Pearl: Our Generation's Journey to Wisdom. Alexandra Delis-Abrams, PhD, author, Attitudes, Beliefs and Choices. WebMD Medical News: "Saying 'Sorry' Goes a Long Way.""Saying 'Sorry' Goes a Long Way."
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Temper Tantrums - Topic Overview
What are temper tantrums?
A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts; it is not an act to get attention, as is commonly thought. During a temper tantrum, children typically cry, yell, and flail their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes and are most intense at the onset.
Occasionally temper tantrums last longer and consist of more aggressive behavior, such as hitting, biting, and pinching. If this type of more aggressive behavior becomes common, a behavioral disorder or other health condition may be the cause.
Anyone can have a tantrum, even an adult. However, temper tantrums are most common in children between the ages of 1 and 4 years.
Is it normal for my child to have temper tantrums?
Temper tantrums are common, occurring in about 80% of children between the ages of 1 and 4. About 20% of 2-year-olds and 10% of 4-year-olds have daily temper tantrums.1
Why do children have temper tantrums?
A tantrum is a normal and expected response when something interferes with a young child's attempt to gain independence or to master a skill. For example, a temper tantrum may be triggered when a child becomes frustrated while trying to button a shirt or is told it is time for bed when he or she wants to stay up longer.
Some children are more likely to have temper tantrums than other children. Factors that contribute to a child's tendency to have tantrums include fatigue, the child's age and stage of development, temperament, stress in the child's environment, and whether underlying behavioral, developmental, or health conditions are present (such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] or autism). Also, a child may be more likely to have temper tantrums if parents react too strongly to difficult behavior or give in to the child's demands.
How do I deal with temper tantrums?
Ignoring the tantrum behavior and helping a young child learn how to handle and express anger and frustration are usually effective ways to deal with the behavior. Also, paying attention to what triggers tantrums can help you act before a child's emotions escalate beyond the point where he or she can control them.
If your child continues to have frequent temper tantrums after age 3, you may need to use time-outs. A time-out removes the child from the situation, allows him or her time to calm down, and teaches the child that having a temper tantrum is not acceptable behavior. Time-out works best for children who understand why it is being used.
Will my child grow out of having temper tantrums?
Most children gradually learn healthy ways to handle the strong emotions that can lead to temper tantrums. They also usually improve their ability to communicate, become increasingly independent, and recognize the benefits of having these skills. Children who continue to have tantrums after the age of 4 usually need outside help learning to deal with anger. Temper tantrums that continue or start during the school years may be a sign of other issues, including problems with learning or getting along with other children.
Should I see my child's doctor about temper tantrums?
Talk with a health professional if:
You have concerns about your child's temper tantrums.
Your child older than 4 years continues to have frequent temper tantrums.
Your child's temper tantrums escalate into violent behavior that endangers others or results in self-inflicted injuries.
You have problems handling your child's behavior, especially if you are concerned that you might hurt your child.
Frequently Asked Questions
Learning about temper tantrums:
What is a temper tantrum?
What are the symptoms of a temper tantrum?
Being diagnosed:
How do I know whether my child's behavior is a temper tantrum?
Getting treatment:
When should my child see a health professional for temper tantrums?
Living with temper tantrums:
How can I help manage my child's temper tantrums?
WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: December 13, 2006
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts; it is not an act to get attention, as is commonly thought. During a temper tantrum, children typically cry, yell, and flail their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes and are most intense at the onset.
Occasionally temper tantrums last longer and consist of more aggressive behavior, such as hitting, biting, and pinching. If this type of more aggressive behavior becomes common, a behavioral disorder or other health condition may be the cause.
Anyone can have a tantrum, even an adult. However, temper tantrums are most common in children between the ages of 1 and 4 years.
Is it normal for my child to have temper tantrums?
Temper tantrums are common, occurring in about 80% of children between the ages of 1 and 4. About 20% of 2-year-olds and 10% of 4-year-olds have daily temper tantrums.1
Why do children have temper tantrums?
A tantrum is a normal and expected response when something interferes with a young child's attempt to gain independence or to master a skill. For example, a temper tantrum may be triggered when a child becomes frustrated while trying to button a shirt or is told it is time for bed when he or she wants to stay up longer.
Some children are more likely to have temper tantrums than other children. Factors that contribute to a child's tendency to have tantrums include fatigue, the child's age and stage of development, temperament, stress in the child's environment, and whether underlying behavioral, developmental, or health conditions are present (such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] or autism). Also, a child may be more likely to have temper tantrums if parents react too strongly to difficult behavior or give in to the child's demands.
How do I deal with temper tantrums?
Ignoring the tantrum behavior and helping a young child learn how to handle and express anger and frustration are usually effective ways to deal with the behavior. Also, paying attention to what triggers tantrums can help you act before a child's emotions escalate beyond the point where he or she can control them.
If your child continues to have frequent temper tantrums after age 3, you may need to use time-outs. A time-out removes the child from the situation, allows him or her time to calm down, and teaches the child that having a temper tantrum is not acceptable behavior. Time-out works best for children who understand why it is being used.
Will my child grow out of having temper tantrums?
Most children gradually learn healthy ways to handle the strong emotions that can lead to temper tantrums. They also usually improve their ability to communicate, become increasingly independent, and recognize the benefits of having these skills. Children who continue to have tantrums after the age of 4 usually need outside help learning to deal with anger. Temper tantrums that continue or start during the school years may be a sign of other issues, including problems with learning or getting along with other children.
Should I see my child's doctor about temper tantrums?
Talk with a health professional if:
You have concerns about your child's temper tantrums.
Your child older than 4 years continues to have frequent temper tantrums.
Your child's temper tantrums escalate into violent behavior that endangers others or results in self-inflicted injuries.
You have problems handling your child's behavior, especially if you are concerned that you might hurt your child.
Frequently Asked Questions
Learning about temper tantrums:
What is a temper tantrum?
What are the symptoms of a temper tantrum?
Being diagnosed:
How do I know whether my child's behavior is a temper tantrum?
Getting treatment:
When should my child see a health professional for temper tantrums?
Living with temper tantrums:
How can I help manage my child's temper tantrums?
WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: December 13, 2006
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Health and Safety,Ages 2 to 5 Years - Parent Self-Care
Connection between parental well-being and child safety
Taking care of yourself is a vital part of keeping your child safe. Although accidents can occur at any time, most happen during times of excess stress, such as when:2
Parents and children are hungry and tired, especially right after work and before dinner.
Another baby is expected.
There is an illness or death in the family.
Marital problems develop.
Major changes in the routine or environment occur, such as when a child's caregiver changes, or when moving to a new house, or even going on vacation.
Recognize the signs of stress and what situations cause it. Be extra vigilant during these times and take care of yourself and your personal relationships.
For more information, see the topic Stress Management.
Seeking help
All parents have times when they feel exhausted, frustrated, angry, sad, or overwhelmed. Recognize that this is a normal part of being human and a parent. However, if these feelings become too much for you to handle alone, keep your child safe by getting help. For example, when your emotions are too much for you to handle alone, you may not have the energy or desire to watch your child as closely as you should. Some parents injure their children when their emotions cause them to shake, hit, or push them. This can result in such problems as shaken baby syndrome, which can cause permanent brain damage or even death.
Call 911 immediately if you feel you are about to injure yourself or your child.
Places to go for help include:
Your family health professional (such as a family medicine doctor).
A pediatrician.
A licensed mental health counselor.
Your local hospital.
Parenting organizations (see the Other Places to Get Help section of this topic).
For more information on physical harm to children, see the topics Shaken Baby Syndrome and Child Abuse and Neglect. For more information on handling difficult emotions, see the topics Depression, Anger and Hostility, and Anxiety.
WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: January 05, 2007
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Taking care of yourself is a vital part of keeping your child safe. Although accidents can occur at any time, most happen during times of excess stress, such as when:2
Parents and children are hungry and tired, especially right after work and before dinner.
Another baby is expected.
There is an illness or death in the family.
Marital problems develop.
Major changes in the routine or environment occur, such as when a child's caregiver changes, or when moving to a new house, or even going on vacation.
Recognize the signs of stress and what situations cause it. Be extra vigilant during these times and take care of yourself and your personal relationships.
For more information, see the topic Stress Management.
Seeking help
All parents have times when they feel exhausted, frustrated, angry, sad, or overwhelmed. Recognize that this is a normal part of being human and a parent. However, if these feelings become too much for you to handle alone, keep your child safe by getting help. For example, when your emotions are too much for you to handle alone, you may not have the energy or desire to watch your child as closely as you should. Some parents injure their children when their emotions cause them to shake, hit, or push them. This can result in such problems as shaken baby syndrome, which can cause permanent brain damage or even death.
Call 911 immediately if you feel you are about to injure yourself or your child.
Places to go for help include:
Your family health professional (such as a family medicine doctor).
A pediatrician.
A licensed mental health counselor.
Your local hospital.
Parenting organizations (see the Other Places to Get Help section of this topic).
For more information on physical harm to children, see the topics Shaken Baby Syndrome and Child Abuse and Neglect. For more information on handling difficult emotions, see the topics Depression, Anger and Hostility, and Anxiety.
WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise
Last Updated: January 05, 2007
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.
@ 1995-2007, Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Can Stress Cause Weight Gain?
Your job is hanging by a thread, and the credit-card bills are mounting. Your teenager wants to quit school and become a professional snowboarder. Or maybe it's the increasing tensions in the world, brought to you 24 hours a day on your TV screen, getting you down.
Regardless of the reason, stress is a way of life in the 21st century. And for some people, the effects go beyond feelings of anxiety and discomfort. For these people, stress can mean facing each day ravenously hungry -- and adding weight gain to their list of worries.
"While the immediate . . . response to acute stress can be a temporary loss of appetite, more and more we are coming to recognize that for some people, chronic stress can be tied to an increase in appetite -- and stress-induced weight gain," says Elissa Epel, PhD, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco.
The problem, she says, lies within our neuroendocrine system -- a brain-to-body connection that harkens back to evolutionary times and which helped our distant ancestors to survive. Though today the source of the stress is more likely to be an unpaid bill than a saber-toothed tiger, this system still activates a series of hormones whenever we feel threatened.
"These hormones give us the biochemical strength we need to fight or flee our stressors," Epel tells WebMD.
The hormones released when we're stressed include adrenalin -- which gives us instant energy -- along with corticotrophin releasing hormone (CRH) and cortisol. While high levels of adrenalin and CRH decrease appetite at first, the effects usually don't last long.
And cortisol works on a different timetable. Its job is to help us replenish our body after the stress has passed, and it hangs around a lot longer. "It can remain elevated, increasing your appetite and ultimately driving you to eat more," says Epel.
'Fight or flee' -- or chow down
While this system works fine when our stress comes in the form of physical danger -- when we really need to "fight or flee", and then replenish -- it doesn't serve the same purpose for today's garden-variety stressors.
"Often, our response to stress today is to sit and stew in our frustration and anger, without expending any of the calories or food stores that we would if we were physically fighting our way out of stress or danger," says Shawn Talbott, PhD, an associate professor in the Department of Nutrition at the University of Utah and author of The Cortisol Connection.
"Often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress"
In other words, since your neuro-endocrine system doesn't know you didn't fight or flee, it still responds to stress with the hormonal signal to replenish nutritional stores -- which may make you feel hungry.
Following those stress signals can lead not only to weight gain, but also the tendency to store what is called "visceral fat" around the midsection. These fat cells that lie deep within the abdomen have been linked to an increase in both diabetes and heart disease.
To further complicate matters, the "fuel" our muscles need during "fight or flight " is sugar -- one reason we crave carbohydrates when we are stressed, says endocrinologist Riccardo Perfetti, MD, PhD.
"To move the sugar from our blood to our muscles requires insulin, the hormone that opens the gates to the cells and lets the sugar in," says Perfetti, who directs the outpatient diabetes program at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. And high levels of sugar and insulin set the stage for the body to store fat.
"So people who are under stress, metabolically speaking, will gain weight for that very reason," Perfetti tells WebMD.
Mind Over Matter
As much as we would like to blame all our weight gain on stress, experts say that eating in response to stress can also be a learned habit -- one that's merely encouraged by brain chemistry.
"Under stress, there's an impulse to do something, to move, and often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress. It's easy to do and it's comforting," says David Ginsberg, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Behavioral Health Program at New York University Medical Center.
In fact, it may be our bodies' initial response to rising levels of cortisol that teaches us there is comfort in sugary or starchy foods.
"During the first couple of days following a stressful event, cortisol is giving you a clue to eat high-carbohydrate foods," Perfetti tells WebMD. "Once you comply, you quickly learn a behavioral response that you can feel almost destined to repeat anytime you feel stressed."
Now for the good news: Whether your urge to eat is driven by hormones or habits or a combination of both, research shows there are ways to interrupt the cycle, break the stress and stop the weight gain.
Here's what the experts recommend:
1. Exercise. This is the best stress-buster -- and also happens to be good for you in lots of other ways. "It not only burns calories, when you move your body, even with a simple activity such as walking, you begin to produce a cascade of biochemicals, at least some of which counter the negative effects of stress hormones -- as well as control insulin and sugar levels," says Talbott.
At the same time, Ginsburg notes that exercising too hard for too long can raise cortisol levels and actually increase stress. The answer, he says is to choose an activity you really enjoy doing -- be it an aerobic sport like running or a calmer activity such as Pilates -- and then keep workouts to a length that doesn't exhaust you (this could be as little as 20 minutes a day, three to five days a week).
2. Eat a balanced diet -- and never skip a meal. "Eat breakfast -- and try to consume six small rather than three huge meals a day, with foods from all the food groups," Ginsberg tells WebMD. This helps keep blood sugar levels steady, which in turn put a damper on insulin production and eventually reduce cortisol levels -- all helping to control appetite and weight.
3. Don't lose sleep, over your weight problems or your stress -- When we don't get enough rest, cortisol levels rise, making us feel hungry and less satisfied with the food we do eat, Ginsberg says.
4. Devote time to relaxation -- Because it works much like exercise to produce brain chemicals that counter the effects of stress, Ginsburg suggests finding the activities that make you feel relaxed and calm. For some, he says, yoga can do the trick. Others may prefer meditation techniques or deep breathing.
And don't overlook the relaxing power of cuddling up on a sofa with a good book or magazine, or even playing your favorite movie on the VCR. "Anything that makes you feel calm and relaxed will help counter the biochemical effects of stress," says Talbott.
5. Snack on whole grain, high fiber foods. If you just can't ignore those stress-related hunger pangs, try filling your tummy with foods high in fiber and low in sugar, like oatmeal, whole wheat bread, or fruits such as pears or plums.
According to Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, author of Fight Fat After Forty, foods that are high in sugar and simple carbohydrates -- like white flour, cookies, cake, white rice, or pasta -- cause insulin levels to rise, which in turn increases stress hormones and ultimately makes you feel more hungry. But high-fiber, whole-grain foods -- particularly cereals like oatmeal or multi-grain flakes, as well as fruits -- help keep insulin levels on a even keel, which can help control blood sugar levels, and ultimately, hunger, according to Peeke.
6. Avoid caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol -- According to the American Institute of Stress, cigarettes, as well as caffeine-laden soft drinks, coffee, tea, and even chocolate, can cause cortisol levels to rise, stress to increase, blood sugar to drop and hunger to prevail. The institute also cautions against drinking too much alcohol, which can affect blood sugar and insulin levels.
7. Take your vitamins -- A number of medical studies have shown that stress can deplete important nutrients -- particularly the B complex and C vitamins, and sometimes the minerals calcium and magnesium.
Because these nutrients are needed to balance the effects of stress hormones like cortisol, and may even play a role in helping us burn fat, it's important to keep levels high, Talbott says. While a good diet will help, he says, taking a high potency multi-vitamin supplement can insure you give your body what it needs to not only deal with the stress, but also burn fat and lose weight.
And speaking of losing weight, here's one bit of news you may be happy to hear: Experts say you shouldn't try to go on a strict diet when you're under extreme or chronic stress.
In one study, published in the Journal of Clinical Nutrition in 2001, researchers from the University of British Columbia found that severely limiting calorie intake could kick off a series of biochemical events that ultimately not only increased stress levels, but could make people feel more hungry.
The researchers followed 62 women for three days. Of this group, 33 were on a diet of no more than about 1,500 calories a day, while the other 29 consumed up to about 2,200 calories daily.
After analyzing urine samples, researchers found that the women who had consumed the least food had the highest levels of cortisol. Not surprisingly, these same women also reported more stress during what researchers called "daily food-related experiences." In short, the more they restricted food intake, the greater their levels of stress hormones, and, ultimately, the more they wanted to eat.
If you find yourself chronically stressed out, the experts say, you should do what you can to decrease your stress levels, then follow a reduced-calorie, yet balanced, diet to stop the weight gain and lose the extra pounds.
By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed by Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed on May 13, 2005
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Regardless of the reason, stress is a way of life in the 21st century. And for some people, the effects go beyond feelings of anxiety and discomfort. For these people, stress can mean facing each day ravenously hungry -- and adding weight gain to their list of worries.
"While the immediate . . . response to acute stress can be a temporary loss of appetite, more and more we are coming to recognize that for some people, chronic stress can be tied to an increase in appetite -- and stress-induced weight gain," says Elissa Epel, PhD, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco.
The problem, she says, lies within our neuroendocrine system -- a brain-to-body connection that harkens back to evolutionary times and which helped our distant ancestors to survive. Though today the source of the stress is more likely to be an unpaid bill than a saber-toothed tiger, this system still activates a series of hormones whenever we feel threatened.
"These hormones give us the biochemical strength we need to fight or flee our stressors," Epel tells WebMD.
The hormones released when we're stressed include adrenalin -- which gives us instant energy -- along with corticotrophin releasing hormone (CRH) and cortisol. While high levels of adrenalin and CRH decrease appetite at first, the effects usually don't last long.
And cortisol works on a different timetable. Its job is to help us replenish our body after the stress has passed, and it hangs around a lot longer. "It can remain elevated, increasing your appetite and ultimately driving you to eat more," says Epel.
'Fight or flee' -- or chow down
While this system works fine when our stress comes in the form of physical danger -- when we really need to "fight or flee", and then replenish -- it doesn't serve the same purpose for today's garden-variety stressors.
"Often, our response to stress today is to sit and stew in our frustration and anger, without expending any of the calories or food stores that we would if we were physically fighting our way out of stress or danger," says Shawn Talbott, PhD, an associate professor in the Department of Nutrition at the University of Utah and author of The Cortisol Connection.
"Often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress"
In other words, since your neuro-endocrine system doesn't know you didn't fight or flee, it still responds to stress with the hormonal signal to replenish nutritional stores -- which may make you feel hungry.
Following those stress signals can lead not only to weight gain, but also the tendency to store what is called "visceral fat" around the midsection. These fat cells that lie deep within the abdomen have been linked to an increase in both diabetes and heart disease.
To further complicate matters, the "fuel" our muscles need during "fight or flight " is sugar -- one reason we crave carbohydrates when we are stressed, says endocrinologist Riccardo Perfetti, MD, PhD.
"To move the sugar from our blood to our muscles requires insulin, the hormone that opens the gates to the cells and lets the sugar in," says Perfetti, who directs the outpatient diabetes program at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. And high levels of sugar and insulin set the stage for the body to store fat.
"So people who are under stress, metabolically speaking, will gain weight for that very reason," Perfetti tells WebMD.
Mind Over Matter
As much as we would like to blame all our weight gain on stress, experts say that eating in response to stress can also be a learned habit -- one that's merely encouraged by brain chemistry.
"Under stress, there's an impulse to do something, to move, and often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress. It's easy to do and it's comforting," says David Ginsberg, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Behavioral Health Program at New York University Medical Center.
In fact, it may be our bodies' initial response to rising levels of cortisol that teaches us there is comfort in sugary or starchy foods.
"During the first couple of days following a stressful event, cortisol is giving you a clue to eat high-carbohydrate foods," Perfetti tells WebMD. "Once you comply, you quickly learn a behavioral response that you can feel almost destined to repeat anytime you feel stressed."
Now for the good news: Whether your urge to eat is driven by hormones or habits or a combination of both, research shows there are ways to interrupt the cycle, break the stress and stop the weight gain.
Here's what the experts recommend:
1. Exercise. This is the best stress-buster -- and also happens to be good for you in lots of other ways. "It not only burns calories, when you move your body, even with a simple activity such as walking, you begin to produce a cascade of biochemicals, at least some of which counter the negative effects of stress hormones -- as well as control insulin and sugar levels," says Talbott.
At the same time, Ginsburg notes that exercising too hard for too long can raise cortisol levels and actually increase stress. The answer, he says is to choose an activity you really enjoy doing -- be it an aerobic sport like running or a calmer activity such as Pilates -- and then keep workouts to a length that doesn't exhaust you (this could be as little as 20 minutes a day, three to five days a week).
2. Eat a balanced diet -- and never skip a meal. "Eat breakfast -- and try to consume six small rather than three huge meals a day, with foods from all the food groups," Ginsberg tells WebMD. This helps keep blood sugar levels steady, which in turn put a damper on insulin production and eventually reduce cortisol levels -- all helping to control appetite and weight.
3. Don't lose sleep, over your weight problems or your stress -- When we don't get enough rest, cortisol levels rise, making us feel hungry and less satisfied with the food we do eat, Ginsberg says.
4. Devote time to relaxation -- Because it works much like exercise to produce brain chemicals that counter the effects of stress, Ginsburg suggests finding the activities that make you feel relaxed and calm. For some, he says, yoga can do the trick. Others may prefer meditation techniques or deep breathing.
And don't overlook the relaxing power of cuddling up on a sofa with a good book or magazine, or even playing your favorite movie on the VCR. "Anything that makes you feel calm and relaxed will help counter the biochemical effects of stress," says Talbott.
5. Snack on whole grain, high fiber foods. If you just can't ignore those stress-related hunger pangs, try filling your tummy with foods high in fiber and low in sugar, like oatmeal, whole wheat bread, or fruits such as pears or plums.
According to Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, author of Fight Fat After Forty, foods that are high in sugar and simple carbohydrates -- like white flour, cookies, cake, white rice, or pasta -- cause insulin levels to rise, which in turn increases stress hormones and ultimately makes you feel more hungry. But high-fiber, whole-grain foods -- particularly cereals like oatmeal or multi-grain flakes, as well as fruits -- help keep insulin levels on a even keel, which can help control blood sugar levels, and ultimately, hunger, according to Peeke.
6. Avoid caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol -- According to the American Institute of Stress, cigarettes, as well as caffeine-laden soft drinks, coffee, tea, and even chocolate, can cause cortisol levels to rise, stress to increase, blood sugar to drop and hunger to prevail. The institute also cautions against drinking too much alcohol, which can affect blood sugar and insulin levels.
7. Take your vitamins -- A number of medical studies have shown that stress can deplete important nutrients -- particularly the B complex and C vitamins, and sometimes the minerals calcium and magnesium.
Because these nutrients are needed to balance the effects of stress hormones like cortisol, and may even play a role in helping us burn fat, it's important to keep levels high, Talbott says. While a good diet will help, he says, taking a high potency multi-vitamin supplement can insure you give your body what it needs to not only deal with the stress, but also burn fat and lose weight.
And speaking of losing weight, here's one bit of news you may be happy to hear: Experts say you shouldn't try to go on a strict diet when you're under extreme or chronic stress.
In one study, published in the Journal of Clinical Nutrition in 2001, researchers from the University of British Columbia found that severely limiting calorie intake could kick off a series of biochemical events that ultimately not only increased stress levels, but could make people feel more hungry.
The researchers followed 62 women for three days. Of this group, 33 were on a diet of no more than about 1,500 calories a day, while the other 29 consumed up to about 2,200 calories daily.
After analyzing urine samples, researchers found that the women who had consumed the least food had the highest levels of cortisol. Not surprisingly, these same women also reported more stress during what researchers called "daily food-related experiences." In short, the more they restricted food intake, the greater their levels of stress hormones, and, ultimately, the more they wanted to eat.
If you find yourself chronically stressed out, the experts say, you should do what you can to decrease your stress levels, then follow a reduced-calorie, yet balanced, diet to stop the weight gain and lose the extra pounds.
By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed by Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature
Reviewed on May 13, 2005
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Friday, August 3, 2007
Why do you get so angry, and what is it doing to your health?
There's the waitress who refuses to look in your direction. The oaf who drifts across the highway without using his blinker. And the cheerful, recorded voice that draws you deeper and deeper into voice-mail hell.
The most minor annoyance can send us into a fury. But have you ever stopped to think why we get angry? What is anger, anyway?
"Anger is a natural emotion," says Charles D. Spielberger, PhD, a research professor of psychology at the University of South Florida who has studied anger for 25 years. "There is nothing abnormal about it."
Anger might be normal, but it does affect you physically. When you get enraged during a traffic jam or at your kid's soccer game, your hormone levels increase, your breathing quickens, your pulse and blood pressure soar, you start to sweat, and your pupils dilate.
Basically, your body is gearing up for action. This is the "fight" part of the "fight or flight" response. Spielberger says anger has an evolutionary advantage: "Fear and rage are common to animals, too, because it helps them to fight and survive."
The problem is that, nowadays, anger isn't always so useful. Most of us don't run into man-eating tigers standing in line at the DMV.
The physical effects of anger on your body can be lasting. Some studies have shown a connection between anger and high blood pressure, depression, and heart disease. One study found that people highly prone to anger are three times as likely to have a heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease as less angry people.
So what's the solution? Should you cork up your anger or regularly blow your stack? Experts say neither. Whether you hold it in or explode in a rage, frequent feelings of intense anger may pose the same health risks.
The key is to make your anger constructive. Spielberger says that the first step is self-awareness. Don't allow yourself to fly into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. Stay in control. It's the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry.
Once you can identify the real problem, you can try to solve it rationally instead of getting pointlessly furious. If you're angry with someone, talk about it in an assertive, but never aggressive, way. If a certain situation sparks your anger, learn how to prepare for it -- or better yet, avoid it -- in the future.
Anger Management Tips
Breathe! Inhale and exhale deeply from your diaphragm, under your chest bone. After a minute or so, you should feel some tension ebb away. You can do breathing exercises anywhere, anytime-even during an aggravating dinner with your in-laws.
Take a break. When rage strikes, change the scenery. If possible, leave the room or take a walk.
Use your mind. Count to 10. Imagine yourself on a Caribbean beach. Or repeat a soothing word to yourself.
Blow off steam. Exercise, because physical activity can be a great stress reliever. Try slow, stretching moves like those done in yoga.
By R. Morgan Griffin
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
WebMD Feature
Reviewed on April 30, 2007
© 2006 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
The most minor annoyance can send us into a fury. But have you ever stopped to think why we get angry? What is anger, anyway?
"Anger is a natural emotion," says Charles D. Spielberger, PhD, a research professor of psychology at the University of South Florida who has studied anger for 25 years. "There is nothing abnormal about it."
Anger might be normal, but it does affect you physically. When you get enraged during a traffic jam or at your kid's soccer game, your hormone levels increase, your breathing quickens, your pulse and blood pressure soar, you start to sweat, and your pupils dilate.
Basically, your body is gearing up for action. This is the "fight" part of the "fight or flight" response. Spielberger says anger has an evolutionary advantage: "Fear and rage are common to animals, too, because it helps them to fight and survive."
The problem is that, nowadays, anger isn't always so useful. Most of us don't run into man-eating tigers standing in line at the DMV.
The physical effects of anger on your body can be lasting. Some studies have shown a connection between anger and high blood pressure, depression, and heart disease. One study found that people highly prone to anger are three times as likely to have a heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease as less angry people.
So what's the solution? Should you cork up your anger or regularly blow your stack? Experts say neither. Whether you hold it in or explode in a rage, frequent feelings of intense anger may pose the same health risks.
The key is to make your anger constructive. Spielberger says that the first step is self-awareness. Don't allow yourself to fly into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. Stay in control. It's the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry.
Once you can identify the real problem, you can try to solve it rationally instead of getting pointlessly furious. If you're angry with someone, talk about it in an assertive, but never aggressive, way. If a certain situation sparks your anger, learn how to prepare for it -- or better yet, avoid it -- in the future.
Anger Management Tips
Breathe! Inhale and exhale deeply from your diaphragm, under your chest bone. After a minute or so, you should feel some tension ebb away. You can do breathing exercises anywhere, anytime-even during an aggravating dinner with your in-laws.
Take a break. When rage strikes, change the scenery. If possible, leave the room or take a walk.
Use your mind. Count to 10. Imagine yourself on a Caribbean beach. Or repeat a soothing word to yourself.
Blow off steam. Exercise, because physical activity can be a great stress reliever. Try slow, stretching moves like those done in yoga.
By R. Morgan Griffin
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
WebMD Feature
Reviewed on April 30, 2007
© 2006 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Thursday, August 2, 2007
7 Ways to De-Stress Your Diet
Which comes first: Do our high-stress lives lead us to eat badly, or do our bad eating habits make us more likely to feel stressed out?
The way I see it, the chicken AND the egg both come first, depending on the situation. Stress can lead some people to crave (and overeat) junk food. In other cases, a diet rich in sugar, unhealthy fats, caffeine, etc., can help set up some people to feel more physically stressed.
That means we need to work on both ends of the stick. We should find new ways to deal with the stress in our lives; and we should eat a healthy diet, rich in the nutrients that help keep moods up and stress down.
So before we get down to the nitty-gritty of food and stress, keep these two suggestions in mind:
Find new ways to cope with life's stresses. Whenever possible, plug in healthy coping strategies, like journaling; regular exercise; massage; yoga or Pilates classes; or support groups or counseling sessions that help you work through negative thoughts in a productive and healthy way.
Find ways to decrease the stress in your life. Get enough sleep, quit smoking, establish a great support system, strive for balance in the different aspects of your life (family, work, personal interests), and find a sense of purpose in your life.
Food, Hormones, and Stress
One key to the link between food and mood is serotonin, which I have fondly nicknamed "the happy hormone." Serotonin is made in the brain from the amino acid tryptophan, with the help of certain B vitamins.
Amino acids are the building blocks of protein, so you might think that foods high in protein would increase levels of tryptophan, but the opposite is true. Tryptophan has to fight with other amino acids to cross the blood-brain barrier and get into the brain. Since tryptophan is the weaker of the amino acids, generally only a small amount makes it into the brain when other amino acids are present.
But here's the catch. When you eat a meal that's almost all carbs, this triggers insulin to clear the other amino acids from your bloodstream. That leaves tryptophan with a smooth passage into the brain. This, in turn, boosts the serotonin level in the brain. High serotonin levels help boost your mood and help you feel calm.
The other main stress/food hormone is cortisol. When you're stressed, your body releases more cortisol into your bloodstream. Cortisol sends appetite-stimulating neurotransmitters into overdrive, while lowering your levels of serotonin. This combination programs your brain to crave carbohydrate-rich foods. And when you eat the carb-rich foods, it boosts serotonin levels, which makes you feel calm again.
But before you rush out for that carb fix, here are six tips to help you give yourself the nutritional edge against stress:
1. Keep It Balanced
A balanced, nutrient-rich eating plan is your single best dietary defense against stress. There is more and more scientific evidence suggesting that what we eat contributes to mood, stress level, brain function, and energy level.
2. Keep Healthy Carbs Handy
Giving your body the carbs it craves during stress doesn't have to mean filling up with empty calories from sugar and white-flour products. Complex or "whole" carbohydrate foods (like whole grains, fruits, and veggies) give you carbs along with fiber, vitamins, minerals, and phytochemicals galore.
A study in 1995 (before the current low-carb hysteria) looked at obese women who said they overate carbohydrates when stressed. Researchers assigned the women to either a carb-rich diet or protein-rich diet -- both with 1,350 daily calories -- for seven weeks. Interestingly, more women lost weight on the carbohydrate-rich diet. But perhaps more important, those on the higher-carb diet reported having fewer carbohydrate cravings and more energy.
3. Omega-3s to the Rescue
Omega-3 fatty acids are found in fish as well as some plant foods, like canola oil and ground flaxseed. Although their uplifting effect on mood hasn't been proven, several studies have suggested a connection. This makes scientific sense because:
In areas of the world where more omega-3s are consumed, depression is less common.
Depression rates are high among alcoholics and women who have recently given birth. Both groups tend to be deficient in omega-3s.
People with depression have been found to have lower levels of omega-3 fatty acids in their red blood cells compared with others.
4. Cut the Caffeine
Caffeine is a stimulant. It stimulates the bowels and bladder, and it seems to increase your energy level for the short term. But what goes up must come down, and in people sensitive to caffeine, it can come crashing down.
Larry Christensen, PhD, a researcher with the University of South Alabama, found in recent studies that when people who are sensitive to caffeine eliminated it from their diets, their moods and energy levels improved significantly.
Don't know if you are one of the caffeine-sensitive people? Try avoiding caffeine for a few weeks and see if there's a difference in the way you feel. It can be hard to go cold turkey, so taper off your intake a cup at a time until you're down to none.
5. Don't Be a Breakfast-Skipper
When people eat breakfast, they tend to have more consistent moods and are less likely to suffer food cravings later in the day.
6. Eat Smaller, More Frequent Meals
This will provide your body with a consistent supply of energy throughout the day and help you avoid feeling tired or overly hungry.
7. Don't Expect Alcohol to Help
Alcohol is not a healthy or effective way to relax or relieve stress. Though many people believe the opposite is true, alcohol is actually a depressant. And overdrinking only adds to the stress in your life.
By Elaine Magee, RD, MPH
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Expert Column
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
The way I see it, the chicken AND the egg both come first, depending on the situation. Stress can lead some people to crave (and overeat) junk food. In other cases, a diet rich in sugar, unhealthy fats, caffeine, etc., can help set up some people to feel more physically stressed.
That means we need to work on both ends of the stick. We should find new ways to deal with the stress in our lives; and we should eat a healthy diet, rich in the nutrients that help keep moods up and stress down.
So before we get down to the nitty-gritty of food and stress, keep these two suggestions in mind:
Find new ways to cope with life's stresses. Whenever possible, plug in healthy coping strategies, like journaling; regular exercise; massage; yoga or Pilates classes; or support groups or counseling sessions that help you work through negative thoughts in a productive and healthy way.
Find ways to decrease the stress in your life. Get enough sleep, quit smoking, establish a great support system, strive for balance in the different aspects of your life (family, work, personal interests), and find a sense of purpose in your life.
Food, Hormones, and Stress
One key to the link between food and mood is serotonin, which I have fondly nicknamed "the happy hormone." Serotonin is made in the brain from the amino acid tryptophan, with the help of certain B vitamins.
Amino acids are the building blocks of protein, so you might think that foods high in protein would increase levels of tryptophan, but the opposite is true. Tryptophan has to fight with other amino acids to cross the blood-brain barrier and get into the brain. Since tryptophan is the weaker of the amino acids, generally only a small amount makes it into the brain when other amino acids are present.
But here's the catch. When you eat a meal that's almost all carbs, this triggers insulin to clear the other amino acids from your bloodstream. That leaves tryptophan with a smooth passage into the brain. This, in turn, boosts the serotonin level in the brain. High serotonin levels help boost your mood and help you feel calm.
The other main stress/food hormone is cortisol. When you're stressed, your body releases more cortisol into your bloodstream. Cortisol sends appetite-stimulating neurotransmitters into overdrive, while lowering your levels of serotonin. This combination programs your brain to crave carbohydrate-rich foods. And when you eat the carb-rich foods, it boosts serotonin levels, which makes you feel calm again.
But before you rush out for that carb fix, here are six tips to help you give yourself the nutritional edge against stress:
1. Keep It Balanced
A balanced, nutrient-rich eating plan is your single best dietary defense against stress. There is more and more scientific evidence suggesting that what we eat contributes to mood, stress level, brain function, and energy level.
2. Keep Healthy Carbs Handy
Giving your body the carbs it craves during stress doesn't have to mean filling up with empty calories from sugar and white-flour products. Complex or "whole" carbohydrate foods (like whole grains, fruits, and veggies) give you carbs along with fiber, vitamins, minerals, and phytochemicals galore.
A study in 1995 (before the current low-carb hysteria) looked at obese women who said they overate carbohydrates when stressed. Researchers assigned the women to either a carb-rich diet or protein-rich diet -- both with 1,350 daily calories -- for seven weeks. Interestingly, more women lost weight on the carbohydrate-rich diet. But perhaps more important, those on the higher-carb diet reported having fewer carbohydrate cravings and more energy.
3. Omega-3s to the Rescue
Omega-3 fatty acids are found in fish as well as some plant foods, like canola oil and ground flaxseed. Although their uplifting effect on mood hasn't been proven, several studies have suggested a connection. This makes scientific sense because:
In areas of the world where more omega-3s are consumed, depression is less common.
Depression rates are high among alcoholics and women who have recently given birth. Both groups tend to be deficient in omega-3s.
People with depression have been found to have lower levels of omega-3 fatty acids in their red blood cells compared with others.
4. Cut the Caffeine
Caffeine is a stimulant. It stimulates the bowels and bladder, and it seems to increase your energy level for the short term. But what goes up must come down, and in people sensitive to caffeine, it can come crashing down.
Larry Christensen, PhD, a researcher with the University of South Alabama, found in recent studies that when people who are sensitive to caffeine eliminated it from their diets, their moods and energy levels improved significantly.
Don't know if you are one of the caffeine-sensitive people? Try avoiding caffeine for a few weeks and see if there's a difference in the way you feel. It can be hard to go cold turkey, so taper off your intake a cup at a time until you're down to none.
5. Don't Be a Breakfast-Skipper
When people eat breakfast, they tend to have more consistent moods and are less likely to suffer food cravings later in the day.
6. Eat Smaller, More Frequent Meals
This will provide your body with a consistent supply of energy throughout the day and help you avoid feeling tired or overly hungry.
7. Don't Expect Alcohol to Help
Alcohol is not a healthy or effective way to relax or relieve stress. Though many people believe the opposite is true, alcohol is actually a depressant. And overdrinking only adds to the stress in your life.
By Elaine Magee, RD, MPH
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Expert Column
Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
10 Parenting Tips for Raising Teenagers
How do you breach the barriers of adolescence? Here are 10 parenting tips for raising teenagers.
Your chatterbox son now answers your questions with a sullen "yes" or "no." Your charming daughter won't go to the store with you at all anymore. They must be teenagers. Don't despair. It's natural -- and important -- for kids to break away from their parents at this age. This emotional separation allows them to become well-adjusted adults.
Yet these must be among the most difficult years for any parent. To help with parenting tips, WebMD turned to three national experts:
David Elkind, PhD, author of All Grown Up and No Place to Go and a professor of child development at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston.
Amy Bobrow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and professor in the Child Study Center at New York University School of Medicine in Manhattan.
Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University.
10 Parenting Tips
1. Give kids some leeway. Giving teens a chance to establish their own identity, giving them more independence, is essential to helping them establish their own place in the world. "But if it means he's going out with a bad crowd, that's another thing," says Elkind.
2. Choose your battles wisely. "Doing themselves harm or doing something that could be permanent (like a tattoo), those things matter," says Kaslow. "Purple hair, a messy room -- those don't matter." Don't nitpick.
3. Invite their friends for dinner. It helps to meet kids you have questions about. "You're not flat-out rejecting them, you're at least making an overture. When kids see them, see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends," Elkind tells WebMD. "It's the old adage, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. If you flatly say, you can't go out with those kids, it often can backfire -- it just increases the antagonism."
4. Decide rules and discipline in advance. "If it's a two-parent family, it's important for parents to have their own discussion, so they can come to some kind of agreement, so parents are on the same page," says Bobrow. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or Internet use -- whatever -- set it in advance. If the kid says it isn't fair, then you have to agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.
5. Discuss 'checking in.' "Give teens age-appropriate autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately," says Kaslow. "But you need to know where they are. That's part of responsible parenting. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening, to check in. But that depends on the teen, how responsible they have been."
6. Talk to teens about risks. Whether it's drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your kids need to know the worst that could happen.
7. Give teens a game plan. Tell them: "If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me -- I don't care if it's 3 in the morning," says Bodrow. Or make sure they have cab fare. "Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face," she suggests. "Brainstorm with them. Come up with a solution that feels comfortable for that child."
8. Keep the door open. Don't interrogate, but act interested. Share a few tidbits about your own day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: "You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that's like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you come to me," Elkind suggests.
9. Let kids feel guilty. "I think too much is made about self-esteem," says Elkind. "Feeling good about yourself is healthy. But people should feel bad if they have hurt someone or done something wrong. Kids need to feel bad sometimes. Guilt is a healthy emotion. When kids have done something wrong, we hope they feel bad, we hope they feel guilty."
10. Be a role model. Your actions -- even more than your words -- are critical in helping teens adopt good moral and ethical standards, says Elkind. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.
By Jeanie Lerche Davis
Reviewed by Charlotte Grayson Mathis
WebMD Feature www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/10-parenting-tips-for-raising-teenagers
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com
Your chatterbox son now answers your questions with a sullen "yes" or "no." Your charming daughter won't go to the store with you at all anymore. They must be teenagers. Don't despair. It's natural -- and important -- for kids to break away from their parents at this age. This emotional separation allows them to become well-adjusted adults.
Yet these must be among the most difficult years for any parent. To help with parenting tips, WebMD turned to three national experts:
David Elkind, PhD, author of All Grown Up and No Place to Go and a professor of child development at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston.
Amy Bobrow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and professor in the Child Study Center at New York University School of Medicine in Manhattan.
Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University.
10 Parenting Tips
1. Give kids some leeway. Giving teens a chance to establish their own identity, giving them more independence, is essential to helping them establish their own place in the world. "But if it means he's going out with a bad crowd, that's another thing," says Elkind.
2. Choose your battles wisely. "Doing themselves harm or doing something that could be permanent (like a tattoo), those things matter," says Kaslow. "Purple hair, a messy room -- those don't matter." Don't nitpick.
3. Invite their friends for dinner. It helps to meet kids you have questions about. "You're not flat-out rejecting them, you're at least making an overture. When kids see them, see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends," Elkind tells WebMD. "It's the old adage, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. If you flatly say, you can't go out with those kids, it often can backfire -- it just increases the antagonism."
4. Decide rules and discipline in advance. "If it's a two-parent family, it's important for parents to have their own discussion, so they can come to some kind of agreement, so parents are on the same page," says Bobrow. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or Internet use -- whatever -- set it in advance. If the kid says it isn't fair, then you have to agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.
5. Discuss 'checking in.' "Give teens age-appropriate autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately," says Kaslow. "But you need to know where they are. That's part of responsible parenting. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening, to check in. But that depends on the teen, how responsible they have been."
6. Talk to teens about risks. Whether it's drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your kids need to know the worst that could happen.
7. Give teens a game plan. Tell them: "If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me -- I don't care if it's 3 in the morning," says Bodrow. Or make sure they have cab fare. "Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face," she suggests. "Brainstorm with them. Come up with a solution that feels comfortable for that child."
8. Keep the door open. Don't interrogate, but act interested. Share a few tidbits about your own day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: "You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that's like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you come to me," Elkind suggests.
9. Let kids feel guilty. "I think too much is made about self-esteem," says Elkind. "Feeling good about yourself is healthy. But people should feel bad if they have hurt someone or done something wrong. Kids need to feel bad sometimes. Guilt is a healthy emotion. When kids have done something wrong, we hope they feel bad, we hope they feel guilty."
10. Be a role model. Your actions -- even more than your words -- are critical in helping teens adopt good moral and ethical standards, says Elkind. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.
By Jeanie Lerche Davis
Reviewed by Charlotte Grayson Mathis
WebMD Feature www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/10-parenting-tips-for-raising-teenagers
Sourced By:TheSAMIGroup.com
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