Everything I Know About Happiness I Learned from a Child

A refresher course in joy
I'll be stressed out — about a missed UPS delivery, her sleeping schedule, vacation plans — and I'll realize that Sigrid's been grinning at a pillow for 15 minutes. The vaguely Japanese print on the fabric seems to make her totally blissful. Perhaps she has a future in textile design — or maybe an infant's happiness equation is simple arithmetic (nap + milk + something to gaze at = bliss). Obviously, life gets stickier and more complicated as we age. And for many of us, the childhood wellsprings of joy shrink to a trickle. A recent Pew Research Center national survey found that only one-third of American adults are able to describe themselves as very happy.

Luckily, several new studies suggest a good way to shift that statistic: Take a few happiness lessons from the kids in your life — and the kid you once were. Here's a short refresher course.

Lesson 1: Start Small
"In church, I explained to Erin, my 3 year old, that when you pray, you quietly thank God for all of the good things you have in your life," says Maureen Ahearn, 34, of Syosset, NY, who also has a 6 year old son. "I asked her later what she prayed about, and she said, 'My cup.' She loves one in particular because it has princesses on it. I think of Erin and her cup when I'm annoyed by something, and I always feel better." Happiness and an appreciation for the small stuff are related, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, and head of its Positive Psychology Laboratory. "Happy people report that they enjoy simple things like a sunny day or having lunch with a friend," she observes. They also take less for granted, and they're more grateful. A 2003 study showed that people who regularly take note of the positive things in their lives feel more overall satisfaction, more connection with others, and greater optimism than those who focus on their burdens.

Lyubomirsky recommends consciously "savoring the moment" — pausing to appreciate the positive components, large and small, of your life. But don't take the savoring itself for granted, she cautions. She asked two groups of people to regularly write down five things for which they were grateful. One group wrote three times a week, one wrote weekly, and a third control group didn't write at all. Only the once a week blessing counters reported feeling significantly happier — probably, Lyubomirsky thinks, because they avoided slipping into mindless routine.

Lesson 2: Play Hard
That kids are so often on the move — scrambling up a jungle gym, hurling themselves into a game of dodgeball — is part of the reason they are so upbeat. The mood-enhancing effect of physical activity has been well documented: In one study, 9 and 10 year old children reported feeling happier after 15 minutes of moderate exercise than after passively watching a 15 minute video. An even shorter burst of exercise is enough to change an adult's state of mind, according to researchers at Northern Arizona University; they found that just 10 minutes of aerobic activity improves mood, increases vigor, and lowers fatigue in adults. And the benefits of exercise are lasting, says Edward McAuley, Ph.D., a professor of kinesiology (the study of human movement) at the University of Illinois at UrbanaChampaign. He asked research subjects to engage in moderate activities, such as walking and stretching, three times a week, gradually increasing each session from 10 to 40 minutes. After five years, those who continued to be active were not only fitter, but happier. "Physical activity has a positive effect on people's perceptions of their own capabilities, which in turn increases their sense of wellbeing," McAuley says. "And this isn't about running marathons. Moderate, brisk activity can be just as effective in getting these results." Instead of simply adding treadmill time to your daily routine, opt for a kidstyle workout — the physical play that experts call "active leisure." Rather than plopping down in front of the television, invite your kids outside for a Frisbee toss or a run through the sprinklers. Take a walk with your spouse, play with your dog. Or follow Maureen Ahearn's lead: "I doubt that I would blast silly music and dance around the house if it weren't for my kids," she says. "That's a mood booster any day!"

Lesson 3: Listen to Your Body
"Sometimes my 3 year old son will tell me, mournfully, 'I just need to cry right now!'" says Adrienne Boxer, 32, of Portland, OR. "So I let him, and after his venting session, he's back to normal. Kids know when they need a good cry, a nap, or a snack." Adults can profit from reconnecting with that kind of natural self-regulation, says Lyubomirsky, especially when it comes to getting enough rest. "We focus on diet and exercise," she says. "But Americans get way too little sleep, and that's just as important." A University of Pennsylvania study found that people allowed to sleep only four and a half hours a night for a week felt sadder, angrier, and more stressed than people who got a full night's sleep (about eight hours). And an analysis of 56 sleep studies showed that sleep deprivation affects mood more than it affects either cognitive skills or physical performance.

So how does a busy mom get more (or at least better) sleep? First, get enough daily sunlight, since changes in light signal the brain to regulate your sleep-wake cycle. At night, make sure the kids' bedtime is at least two hours before yours. Don't exercise too close to bedtime. And while it may seem like a good idea to wait until the kids are asleep to motor through household chores, you'll pay in the long run with exhaustion and stress. Kids will choose a happy parent over a tidy house any day.

Lesson 4: Get Creative
"Two Halloweens ago, when he was 4, our son, Cinco, asked to be 'a dog named Chocolate driving a Subaru,'" says Jenifer Walter, 37, of New York City. "It was wonderful to see him in his one-of-a-kind costume, driving his cardboard car through a sea of red Power Rangers. He's totally himself, unafraid of being different."

Children don't often suffer from writer's block, or freeze in front of an easel not knowing what to paint. Tapping into the unfettered creativity we had as kids — when no inner critic yammered in our heads — can make life more pleasurable.

"Many studies have shown that creativity is associated with positive mood, even joy," says James Kaufman, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and director of the Learning Research Institute at California State University at San Bernardino. "Other studies have shown that people who express themselves in writing on a regular basis are less depressed, take fewer bad risks (like smoking), and visit doctors for physical ailments less often." Writing reduces physical and mental stress, Kaufman says, because creating a narrative orders our thoughts. You don't have to sit down and produce the Great American Novel; keeping a journal, blogging, or writing to a friend has the same positive effect.

"One of the hallmarks of creative activity is the feeling of flow — losing track of time because you're so involved in what you're doing," Kaufman points out. "If you experience flow, whether it's while you're amusing your child or cooking a meal, that's creative."

There are lots of ways to stoke your creativity. For example, the next time you need to buy something, make it instead — a birthday card, a loaf of bread, or a Halloween getup for next year. Or you could spend some time noticing how often you engage in creative problem solving even without realizing it.

Lesson 5: Explore More
The familiar sound loop of a 3yearold — "But why? But why? But why?" — may sometimes drive us bonkers, but in essence, it's worth emulating. Kids are dogged in their pursuit of knowledge. "My husband and I are amazed at our little gadget junkie, Larkin," says Deborah Helman, 34, of Houston. "He's just over a year old, and he's already figured out how to turn on the dishwasher and use the remote!" Larkin is as delighted as his parents when he acquires new skills by exploring. Curious people are more likely to be positive, explains research psychologist Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., of George Mason University. "They expose themselves to challenges that lead to the accumulation of knowledge or experience. This leads to improved skills, which leads to an increase in confidence and wellbeing."

But as we age, our natural sense of curiosity can wane. "We become more selfconscious and have a hard time deviating from planned activities," Kashdan says. We can, however, restore our openness to new experiences. Shake off negative preconceptions, he suggests, by going outside your comfort zone — even a short way. Talk to a stranger, eat something unfamiliar, choose books you'd normally ignore. "Afterward, come up with three things you liked about the new experience," Kashdan advises. In one study, people who said they didn't like country music were made to listen to it and then asked to list three things that were interesting about it. "Their whole perspective changed. It's important to withhold judgment and let your curiosity unfold naturally."


WebMD Feature from "Good Housekeeping" Magazine
By Jessica Baumgardner

Sourced By: TheSAMIGroup.com