Thursday, May 31, 2007

Don't Lose Your Cool

WebMD Feature from "Psychology today" Magazine Aysha Hussain

Don't blow your top. Remain calm and think your way through a problem.

When things don't go your way, no matter how trivial, how do you react? Do you lose your cool and explode? You know, it's that out-of-control feeling that seems to well up inside and then—kaboom.

This kind of psychological stress is bad in more ways than one. First, it's not good for your health; it's associated with heart disease and depression. And when it comes to work and personal goals, you're probably not moving forward as easily as you'd like.

Granted, some people come out of the womb cool and collected. They're the ones who never snap—nothing seems to irritate or flap them. (Don't you just hate such people?) So how can we be more like them?

Learning how to let things roll right off your back and mastering control can change everything for you. According to Redford and Virginia Williams, authors of In Control, such positive behaviors can be learned.

Clear thinking is the first step to stopping your outbursts. If you stop and think before you act, your life will be more in control—in your control. Whether your facing an overbearing colleague or a delayed flight, keeping your cool and reacting thoughtfully can be your new M.O. Here are a few ways to tackle your next disaster:

Looking Glass
Self-awareness will improve clarity and help you see yourself. How do you really feel when a friend doesn't call you back? Instead of losing your cool or stuffing your feelings, take a look at the situation. You may find that it's not about you at all.

Self-Regulation
Do you think and speak negative thoughts? Then cut it out! Negative inner dialogue will get you nowhere. Try distracting yourself with positive thoughts about loved ones, a vacation spot or an enjoyable activity. Also, relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditating can help.

Communicate?
Open up and put your ideas on the table. Chances are others will find what you have to say engaging. In addition to speaking up more, listen to others as well. This will help you exchange ideas and points of view.

Be Proactive
Find and implement reasonable problem-solving solutions rather than sitting idly and stewing over a bad day. Define your problem, remember your goals and think about how to really get there. If you are always late for work, for example, then get up 10 minutes earlier.

The Art of Persuasion
People who rise to high places don't crack under pressure, they coolly think about the situation at hand. And they employ skills that work such as persuasiveness, conflict management and taking a leadership position.

Saying No
No one wants to be labeled a pushover, nor do they want to be confrontational. But how do you assert your needs without 1) collapsing into a pile of mush or 2) stepping on everyone's toes? There are ways to assert yourself in situations that don't suit you. You can say no by keeping it simple and including an explicit "no."

Empathize with Others
Everyone has a bad day. So be empathetic. This may help you reframe a person's bad behavior. And in the end, it's not about you.

WebMD Feature from "Psychology today" Magazine Aysha Hussain

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Treating Oneself Kindly When Things Go Badly Could Be A Key To Weathering Life's Challenges, Researchers Say

Science Daily — Why do some people roll with life’s punches, facing failures and problems with grace, while others dwell on calamities, criticize themselves and exaggerate problems?

The answer, according to researchers from Duke and Wake Forest universities, may be self-compassion -– the ability to treat oneself kindly when things go badly. The results of their research, one of the first major investigations of self-compassion, were published in the May 2007 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
“Life’s tough enough with little things that happen. Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly for us,” said Mark R. Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke and lead author of the paper, which includes five peer-reviewed studies.
The other authors are Eleanor B. Tate and Ashley Batts Allen of Duke; Jessica Hancock of Wake Forest University; and Claire E. Adams, formerly of Wake Forest University and now of Louisiana State University.
“Rather than focusing on changing people’s self-evaluations, as many cognitive-behavioral approaches do, self-compassion changes people’s relationship to their self-evaluations,” Leary said. “Self-compassion helps people not to add a layer of self-recrimination on top of whatever bad things happen to them. If people learn only to feel better about themselves but continue to beat themselves up when they fail or make mistakes, they will be unable to cope nondefensively with their difficulties.”
Self-compassion involves three components. They are self-kindness (being kind and understanding toward oneself rather than self-critical); common humanity (viewing one’s negative experiences as a normal part of the human condition); and mindful acceptance (having mindful equanimity rather than over-identifying with painful thoughts and feelings).
Self-esteem was measured using Rosenberg’s Self-Esteem Inventory, the most widely used measure of self-esteem.
The researchers conducted five studies to investigate the cognitive and emotional processes by which self-compassionate people deal with unpleasant life events.
The experiments involved measuring participants’ reactions to recalling actual negative experiences, imagining negative scenarios, receiving unflattering feedback from another person, comparing their evaluations of themselves doing a task and someone else doing the same task, and measuring reactions of participants who were prompted to have a self-compassionate attitude.
In three of the experiments, researchers also compared reactions of people with differing levels of self-compassion to people with differing levels of self-esteem. The findings suggest that fostering a sense of self-compassion may have particularly beneficial effects for people with low self-esteem, the researchers said.
The researchers found that:
People with higher self-compassion had less negative emotional reactions to real, remembered and imagined bad events.
Self-compassion allowed people to accept responsibility for a negative experience, but to counteract bad feelings about it.
Self-compassion protects people from negative events differently –- and in some cases better -- than self-esteem. In addition, the positive feelings that characterize self-compassionate people do not appear to involve the hubris, narcissism or self-enhancing illusions that characterize many people with high self-esteem.
Being self-compassionate is particularly important for people with low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem who treat themselves kindly in spite of unflattering self-evaluations fare as well as, if not better than, those with high self-esteem.
For self-compassionate people, their view of themselves depends less on the outcomes of events, presumably because they respond in a kind and accepting manner toward themselves whether things go well or badly.
The study also notes that many of the positive benefits typically attributed to high self-esteem may, in fact, be due to self-compassion.
“As you disentangle them, self-compassion seems to be more important than self-esteem, and is in fact responsible for some of the positive effects of self-esteem,” Leary said.
Researchers noted some questions raised by their research. It is unclear from the studies whether self-compassionate people are simply less likely to examine themselves deeply, or whether they maintain a more positive view of themselves in spite of their shortcomings, the paper said.
It also does not examine whether self-compassion might have drawbacks. Although these studies indicate that people with high self-compassion are willing to take responsibility for their actions, it is possible that self-compassion may make people complacent and discourage them from taking action to prevent future mistakes, researchers said.
In addition, four of the five studies looked at fairly mild negative events in an experimental setting, and future research should examine how self-compassionate people respond to more serious, real-life events, the study said.
“American society has spent a great deal of time and effort trying to promote people’s self-esteem,” Leary said, “when a far more important ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.”

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by Duke University.

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Friday, May 25, 2007

Psychologist Detects Brain-Activity Changes In Maltreated Kid

Science Daily — MADISON - Learning to spot signs of anger early, before they lead to trouble, becomes a finely honed survival skill for children who have suffered severe abuse.

A new study by a University of Wisconsin-Madison psychologist suggests that this survival skill may actually trigger biological changes, altering the way the brain processes anger.
Seth Pollak, assistant professor of psychology and psychiatry and Waisman Center investigator, says the findings shed new light on the question of why traumatic early-life experiences cause so many serious problems throughout adolescence and adulthood. The research also could suggest better treatment for overcoming past abuse.
"Why does something that happens to someone when they're 2, 3 or 4 years old have such pervasive developmental effects?" asks Pollak. "This study is one way to find some of the underlying developmental changes caused by traumatic events."
Pollak's study, which he presented to the Society for Psychophysiological Research last fall, looked at differences in brain electrical activity between children who have suffered specific forms of child abuse and children who have not suffered maltreatment. The study involved 28 maltreated children and 14 children who were in the control group, all ages 7-11. The children and their parents volunteered to participate after being referred by county and state child protective agencies.
In his Child Emotion Research Laboratory, Pollak developed a harmless experiment that children treat as a game, where they are shown pictures of a series of faces and asked to look for a specific emotion. If they are asked to look for happy faces, for example, they will press a button every time such a face appears on the screen. The range of faces in the pictures are happy, angry and fearful.
During the game, children wear a cap with tiny receptors that can measure their brain electrical activity. The response measured is called an Event Related Potential (ERP), which is a sharp increase in electrical activity in the brain that's associated with a specific stimulus.
In this case, the stimulus is recognizing a facial expression the children were specifically asked to look for. Pollak was measuring a response commonly called "the aha! effect," because the brain gives off a sudden burst of electrical activity when that recognition occurs.
What was striking about the results, says Pollak, is the numbers were virtually identical for both groups of children when they responded to happy and fearful faces. But with angry faces, the children who were maltreated produced dramatically stronger and longer-lasting responses.
Considering the dynamics of an abusive home, Pollak says that difference makes sense. "Anger becomes a very salient cue that something in the child's environment is about to change," he says. "In fact, these children's survival and coping may well depend on their ability to detect this change early."
But this vigilance toward anger, once a sensible way of adapting to a threat, may later become an emotional albatross. For example, ordinary social events such as getting bumped on the playground, hearing an ambiguous comment or catching a cross look may be perceived as threatening.
One of the potential long-term effects of child abuse is in robbing victims of an ability to form healthy relationships with peers and other adults. Pollak says decades of research has described these problems, but few studies have targeted the underlying mechanisms that cause them.
Although more research is needed, Pollak says the findings suggest that traditional therapies may not stress the right issues. An educational approach could help people better decode emotional situations and make healthy adjustments to theirperception of comfortable or threatening environments. Having child-abuse victims focus on their reactions in real-world situations could produce positive results.
On a more fundamental level, Pollak's research is generating excitement because it calls into question the idea that emotions are biologically hard-wired in the brain. Much evidence suggests that the core emotions - happiness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, and sadness - emerge in orderly and specific ways, as if by genetic blueprint.
Pollak says the different emotional makeup of children who suffered abuse suggests that the biological framework of emotions also can be molded by a child's experience with the world.
Pollak's work, which is supported by the National Institute of Mental Health and the UW-Madison Graduate School, focuses on a persistent public problem. In 1995, more than 1.5 million U.S. children were victims of abuse, and more than half of that group was younger than age 7.

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by University Of Wisconsin-Madison.

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

TV Violence -- a Cause of Child Anxiety and Aggressive Behavior?

TV Violence -- a Cause of Child Anxiety and Aggressive Behavior?

WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Amal Chakraburtty, MD
These days, just about every time you turn on the TV you’re met with a barrage of violent images including explosions, suicide bombings, and war casualties. And that's just the news! Many popular television shows -- even those in the so-called “family” time slot of 7-8:30 p.m. -- also feature much more violence than shows aired in this time slot just a few years ago.

American children watch an average of between three and fours hours of television daily. As a result, TV violence and children has become a hot topic. Studies show extensive viewing of television violence may cause children to become more aggressive and anxious. Children who watch many hours a week of violent TV may become inured to violence and begin to see the world as a scary and unsafe place.

As a parent, you are your child’s first line of defense. It’s your job to protect your child from the negative effects of excessive TV violence and protect him from the problems resulting from such exposure. Monitoring your child's viewing habits as well as engaging in frank conversations about what he might have seen can help stave off any lasting emotional effects. Here are some suggestions from the experts:

Pay attention to what your children are watching.
Watch TV with your kids.
Put kids on a “TV diet” and limit their TV time just as you limit their junk food intake.
Don’t let your child have a TV in his bedroom.
Don’t let your child watch shows you know are violent.
Change the channel or turn off the TV when violent or offensive material comes on and tell your child why you are doing so.
Consider the v-chip or other tools that allow parents to block inappropriate programming.
Use the ratings system, which offers information about the violent content of a TV program.
Make sure other parents and caregivers with whom your child spends time are on the same page.
The news can be particularly troublesome these days. As a result, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests parents:

Monitor the amount of time children watch news shows
Make sure there is adequate time and a quiet place to talk following an upsetting broadcast
Watch the news with children
Ask your child what he has heard and what questions he may have
Provide reassurance regarding his own safety
Look for signs the news may have triggered fears or anxieties, including sleeplessness, night terrors, bedwetting, crying, or talking about being afraid.
When discussing TV violence with your children:

Make sure you are age-appropriate. For example, children under 8 may have trouble differentiating between fantasy and reality. Help them understand the difference when discussing what they have seen.

Acknowledge older children's fears and reassure them of their safety.
Children over the age of 8 who have seen violent acts on TV or in the movies may become fearful that such things might happen to them. Don’t belittle their fears; instead acknowledge them and reassure children you will protect them from harm. Try saying something like this: "I know that you are afraid. I will do my very best to make sure you are safe."

WebMD Feature
Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics: "Television and the family."American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: "Children and TV Violence." American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: "Children and the News." American Academy of Pediatrics: Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5, fourth edition.Talking With Kids About Tough Issues, national campaign by Children Now and Kaiser Family Foundation. Talk With Your Kids web site: "Talking With Kids About Violence."

© 2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Anger, Negative Emotions May Trigger Stroke

Science Daily — ST. PAUL, Minn. Anger and other negative emotions may be triggers for ischemic stroke, according to a study published in the December 14 issue of Neurology, the scientific journal of the American Academy of Neurology.

The study found that people who had strokes were more likely to have experienced anger or negative emotions in the two hours prior to the stroke than at the same time the day before the stroke. They were also more likely to have reacted quickly to a startling event, such as getting out of bed suddenly after hearing a grandchild fall down and cry or standing up from a chair quickly after hearing an unexpected loud noise.
The people were also more likely to have experienced anger, negative emotions, or sudden changes in body position in the two hours before the stroke than they were, on average, in the year before the stroke.
"We know a lot about risk factors that make people more likely to have a stroke in their lifetime, such as smoking and high blood pressure, but until now we haven't had any information on what causes a stroke to occur at a particular time," said study author Silvia Koton, PhD, MOccH, RN, of Tel Aviv University and the Israel Center for Disease Control. "These findings may help us understand how these triggers result in stroke. We can also investigate whether people at a high risk of stroke can make behavior changes. The possibility of preventive medications to lessen the risk of stroke among specific high-risk groups might also be studied."
The study examined 200 people who were hospitalized with an ischemic stroke or a transient ischemic attack (mini-stroke). Ischemic stroke is caused by reduced blood flow to the brain. It is the most common type of stroke.
The study participants, who had an average age of 68, were interviewed one to four days after the stroke occurred. Approximately 30 percent of patients reported exposure to anger, negative emotions such as fear, irritability, or nervousness, or sudden changes in body position in response to a startling event during the two hours before the stroke. According to the study, exposure to a potential trigger could increase the risk of stroke by as much as 14 times during the two-hour period immediately following exposure.
Levels of anger and other negative emotions were rated on a scale. For example, participants were identified as exposed to anger if they said they had a peak level of anger at a five or higher on a seven-point scale, which was defined as "very angry," "furious," or "enraged."
Researchers don't know how these triggers precipitate a stroke. "It's possible that brief episodes of mental stress cause transient changes in blood clotting and in the function of cells lining blood vessels. It is important to note that our study does not assess the cumulative risk related to exposures to potential triggers but short-term risks during the two-hour period immediately following exposures," Koton said.
Sudden reactions to startling events could trigger stroke through effects on blood circulation or an excessive response by the sympathetic nervous system, which regulates body functions such as heart rate or blood pressure.
The study also examined whether other factors such as positive emotions, heavy physical exertion, and heavy meals were triggers for stroke, and no significant relationship was found.
Other studies have found that anger, negative emotions, sudden changes in body position, and heavy physical exertion may be potential triggers for heart attacks.
"The main modifiable risk factors for stroke are high blood pressure, smoking, diabetes, hyperlipidemia, and obesity. However, this study demonstrates that there are factors that may trigger the premature onset of stroke and this is an important area of potential intervention," said Koton.
###
The American Academy of Neurology, an association of more than 18,000 neurologists and neuroscience professionals, is dedicated to improving patient care through education and research. A neurologist is a doctor with specialized training in diagnosing, treating and managing disorders of the brain and nervous system such as stroke, Alzheimer's disease, epilepsy, Parkinson's disease, and multiple sclerosis.

For more information about the American Academy of Neurology, visit its Website at http://www.aan.com.
Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by American Academy Of Neurology.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Too Stressed To Think?

Science Daily — Chronic stress can be harmful - to your health and also to your brain, according to researchers at the Douglas Hospital Research Center. Their findings, published in a recent issue of Psychoneuroendocrinology, show increased stress hormones lead to memory impairment in the elderly and learning difficulties in young adults.

"Stress has become more commonplace and accepted in our everyday lives," says Sonia J. Lupien, PhD, lead author and director of the Laboratory of Stress Research at the Douglas. "Many studies show the negative impact of stress on physical health such as blood pressure, heart disease etc, but few address the effects on mental health. Our studies look directly at the long term effects of stress, or stress hormones, on brain function."
Lupien and colleagues measured the stress hormone, cortisol, in older adults over a period of three to six years. Their findings showed that individuals who had continuous high levels of cortisol, performed poorly on memory tests and had a notably smaller hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for learning and memory.
"This study clearly shows the negative effects of long-term stress," says Lupien. "This explains why some older adults show poor brain function while others perform very well. Perhaps, through early interventions, we can modify the cortisol levels and enhance brain function of the at-risk individuals. "
Lupien and her research team also looked at the affects of stress on young adults and children between the ages of six and fourteen. In young adults, they showed that even an acute increase in cortisol can lead to reversible memory impairments. In young children, they compared the cortisol levels of children from low and high socioceconomic status (SES) and found children from low SES had higher cortisol levels.
"Similar to our findings with the older adult, stress was an important modulator of brain function in children as well," says Lupien. "All these studies show that people of all ages are sensitive to stress, and we need to acknowledge the importance of this factor on our mental health."
###
The funding for this research includes grants from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, the John and Catherine MacArthur Foundation and the Fonds de la recherche en santé du Québec.
Affiliated to McGill University and the World Health Organisation, the Douglas Hospital Research Centre is one of the largest in the country, with a team of over 60 scientists and clinical researchers and 140 post-graduate students. This team is devoted to understanding the causes of mental disorders - whether genetic, environmental, cultural or social - as well as developing diagnostic tools, treatments and prevention methods.

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by McGill University

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

How To Get Organized - Finally!

WebMD Feature from "Psychology Today" MagazineHara Estroff MaranoClutter buster Mia Lotringer gives tips on how to organize your closets and your life.

When it comes to getting organized, we're our own worst enemies. We keep things because we persuade ourselves we'll need them—even if we haven't used them in five years and don't quite know where we've put them. There seems to be a security factor in just knowing they're around... somewhere.But that turns out to be misplaced; it's our inner-hoarder talking. What most of us really need is a personal push to get organized, an experienced personal organizer to separate us emotionally from the possessions we no longer need and that clutter our minds as well as our space.To get some tips on overcoming our worst string-saving instincts, I turned to a top professional organizer, Mia Lotringer, who runs C'est Fini! in Los Angeles (www.cestfini.com). What follows are her suggestions.Open your mail every day. Or make a weekly appointment with yourself—and don't break it!—to open all your mail and pay all your bills.Set up a weekly appointment with yourself to do the food shopping—and create a meal plan for the week with all the necessary groceries—so that you won't need to go to the grocery store all the time.When you pick up your mail, always throw the junk mail out immediately. That leaves a smaller pile to contend with.Shred everything with your name, address, and any personal information, especially credit card offers and anything with your social security number.Once you have looked at a paper, take whatever action is needed right away.Always put the ball in other people's court. The overall goal is to have no papers on your desk at all. In order to do that, act on all your open files; do your part and you won't have to think about the project, task or question—until the others get back to you. Put the papers you have acted on in a Pending File with a note as to the action taken, when and with whom. Then input a date in your calendar with an alert so that you can follow-up if necessary.Get virtual: anything that you can keep as a document on your computer, do! Do not print out anything—unless you will need it outside your home or office. Always back up important information from your computer onto discs or a backup drive!Organize your computer. Try to get files off the desktop—they are visual clutter. Reserve your desktop for the files you access every day. Create folders in your Documents folder to encompass a range of files: Recipes, Events, etcetera. Create categories and subcategories that make sense to you.The biggest obstacle between you and your organized self is your fear of throwing things out. If you are a business, throw out all tax papers older than 11 years; individuals can safely throw out all financial papers older than seven years. Do keep birth and marriage certificates, social security cards, driver's licenses and passports, along with the deed/title to your home, homeowner's insurance in a safety deposit box or in a fireproof lock box and/or with copies with the family lawyer/financial advisor.Get over the emotional roadblock to getting organized. You must be willing to throw things out! As a veteran organizer, I can honestly say that there is no one's home where something can't be thrown out—including mine! If there's an item you haven't used in six months, chances are you won't ever use it; it's only taking up space.Go through your items quickly and make snap judgments—that first inclination is generally a good one. Then repeat the process. Often, you will find more items that you can live without. If you are holding onto something in case you "might" need it in the far off future, get rid of it! You can always buy whatever it is when you actually need it.If you really can't throw things out, I suggest staging those items out of your life. Put the items in a box with a destroy date written onto it—generally about six months from now. If you find yourself needing to go into it to find something—and you end up actually using that item, not just taking it out of the box—put it with the items to keep. Anything left in the box at the end of the time should be thrown out.If you are a frequent traveler, have a travel bag all ready to go, with toothbrush and miniature toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body cream, liquid body soap, sunscreen; razor; brush/comb. Carry on extra socks for use on the plane, an extra layer, extra medication and prescription, hand cleaner, water mist and a bottle of water. Pack anything liquid, creamy or potentially messy in a Glad bag.Create a To Do or task list, if possible on your PDA. Prioritize items and assign all a due date. If a task needs following up, set a date to take further action.Get a PDA. If you back it up at least once week and back up your computer at least once a month, you will always have a copy of your address book, your calendar, your task list. It is a brain source—once you put it in there you don't have to think about it until it tells you to!Do not get overwhelmed. Pick one thing that needs to get organized—the smaller the better—papers, computer files, clothes, linen closet, kitchen, mail, children's room, and work on that one thing until you are content that it is sufficiently organized. Then move onto the next item. Never attack the whole house at one time. var externalUrlListBot = new Array('http://www.webmd.com/content/chat_transcripts/2/111279.htm','/www/migraines-headaches/guide/migraines-headaches-relaxation-techniques','xxx');Next Article: Tips for Reducing StressLiving a Simpler LifeSpring Clean Your LifeHow to Get Organized, FinallyExercise to Relieve StressTop 10 Ways to De-Stress and Eat Less6 Ways to De-Stress at the Dinner TableMindless EatingChat Transcript: Stress and EatingEveryday Playtime for AdultsThe Power of NappingRelated Guide: 6 Ways to RelaxselectNextArticle('NextPulldown',s_furl);WebMD Feature from "Psychology Today" MagazineThis content is Copyright Sussex Publishers, LLC. 2006. This content is intended for personal use and may not be distributed or reproduced without the consent of Sussex Publishers, LLC. Please contact licensing@psychologytoday.com for more information.

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How To Get Organized - Finally!

WebMD Feature from "Psychology Today" Magazine
Hara Estroff Marano
Clutter buster Mia Lotringer gives tips on how to organize your closets and your life.




When it comes to getting organized, we're our own worst enemies. We keep things because we persuade ourselves we'll need them—even if we haven't used them in five years and don't quite know where we've put them. There seems to be a security factor in just knowing they're around... somewhere.
But that turns out to be misplaced; it's our inner-hoarder talking. What most of us really need is a personal push to get organized, an experienced personal organizer to separate us emotionally from the possessions we no longer need and that clutter our minds as well as our space.
To get some tips on overcoming our worst string-saving instincts, I turned to a top professional organizer, Mia Lotringer, who runs C'est Fini! in Los Angeles (www.cestfini.com). What follows are her suggestions.
Open your mail every day. Or make a weekly appointment with yourself—and don't break it!—to open all your mail and pay all your bills.
Set up a weekly appointment with yourself to do the food shopping—and create a meal plan for the week with all the necessary groceries—so that you won't need to go to the grocery store all the time.
When you pick up your mail, always throw the junk mail out immediately. That leaves a smaller pile to contend with.
Shred everything with your name, address, and any personal information, especially credit card offers and anything with your social security number.
Once you have looked at a paper, take whatever action is needed right away.
Always put the ball in other people's court. The overall goal is to have no papers on your desk at all. In order to do that, act on all your open files; do your part and you won't have to think about the project, task or question—until the others get back to you. Put the papers you have acted on in a Pending File with a note as to the action taken, when and with whom. Then input a date in your calendar with an alert so that you can follow-up if necessary.
Get virtual: anything that you can keep as a document on your computer, do! Do not print out anything—unless you will need it outside your home or office. Always back up important information from your computer onto discs or a backup drive!
Organize your computer. Try to get files off the desktop—they are visual clutter. Reserve your desktop for the files you access every day. Create folders in your Documents folder to encompass a range of files: Recipes, Events, etcetera. Create categories and subcategories that make sense to you.
The biggest obstacle between you and your organized self is your fear of throwing things out. If you are a business, throw out all tax papers older than 11 years; individuals can safely throw out all financial papers older than seven years. Do keep birth and marriage certificates, social security cards, driver's licenses and passports, along with the deed/title to your home, homeowner's insurance in a safety deposit box or in a fireproof lock box and/or with copies with the family lawyer/financial advisor.
Get over the emotional roadblock to getting organized. You must be willing to throw things out! As a veteran organizer, I can honestly say that there is no one's home where something can't be thrown out—including mine! If there's an item you haven't used in six months, chances are you won't ever use it; it's only taking up space.
Go through your items quickly and make snap judgments—that first inclination is generally a good one. Then repeat the process. Often, you will find more items that you can live without. If you are holding onto something in case you "might" need it in the far off future, get rid of it! You can always buy whatever it is when you actually need it.
If you really can't throw things out, I suggest staging those items out of your life. Put the items in a box with a destroy date written onto it—generally about six months from now. If you find yourself needing to go into it to find something—and you end up actually using that item, not just taking it out of the box—put it with the items to keep. Anything left in the box at the end of the time should be thrown out.
If you are a frequent traveler, have a travel bag all ready to go, with toothbrush and miniature toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body cream, liquid body soap, sunscreen; razor; brush/comb. Carry on extra socks for use on the plane, an extra layer, extra medication and prescription, hand cleaner, water mist and a bottle of water. Pack anything liquid, creamy or potentially messy in a Glad bag.
Create a To Do or task list, if possible on your PDA. Prioritize items and assign all a due date. If a task needs following up, set a date to take further action.
Get a PDA. If you back it up at least once week and back up your computer at least once a month, you will always have a copy of your address book, your calendar, your task list. It is a brain source—once you put it in there you don't have to think about it until it tells you to!
Do not get overwhelmed. Pick one thing that needs to get organized—the smaller the better—papers, computer files, clothes, linen closet, kitchen, mail, children's room, and work on that one thing until you are content that it is sufficiently organized. Then move onto the next item. Never attack the whole house at one time.

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WebMD Feature from "Psychology Today" Magazine
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Setting Good Expectations

Are you looking for love but finding disappointment? You may be asking for too much too soon. Five experts shed some light on what to expect from romance.
By Colette Bouchez WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
"He's just not that into you." That one now infamous line -- pulled from the legendary Sex and the City television series -- spawned not only a book, but a dating revolution that, for a while, turned many singles' lives upside down. At the core of the shake up: A philosophy that told us if your partner isn't giving you the attention you expect, don't hang around and wait for change - just move on.
But as sound as this tenet may be, it also underscores what experts see as a major problem in relationships today: We frequently expect a little too much, a little too soon. And that, they say, can spell dating disaster.
"People want to rush into a relationship and they want it all to work out right away. They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says JoAnn White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia. Often those expectations are simply unrealistic.
Many times, she says, one partner simply doesn't want to move that fast. So, tossing away someone simply because they want to take it slow could turn out to be a big mistake.
Psychiatrist Virginia A. Sadock, MD, notes that getting swept up in romantic desire is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as long as we don't subject our partner to our fantasies too soon. "If there's this kind of desperation to get things moving too fast, it just pushes the other person away," says Sadock, a professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine.
So how do you keep yourself from expecting too much too soon? How do you know when to hold on and when to let go? Experts say it all boils down to just a few old fashioned bylaws of romance:

Don't rush into sex.
Let the relationship deepen slowly over months.
Think about what you bring to the relationship, not what you get from it.
Understand that heady passion may not last, but love does.
Work through problems to have a stronger relationship in the end.
Keep It Light at First
While the wisdom may seem a bit conventional, experts say one of the best ways to win at love is to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know someone.
"Sex changes everything," says relationship coach and matchmaker Melissa Darnay.
"I always tell my female clients not to have sex until he says 'I love you' -- because if you become intimate too soon you'll be thinking 'Oh, now we're a couple,' while he's thinking 'Oh boy that was sure fun,'" says Darnay, author of the book Dating 101.
The end result, she says is that one partner is playing by one set of relationship rules, while the other may not even be on the game board.
To avoid all these complications, Darnay advises both male and female clients to keep things light and breezy -- and put no expectations on each other -- for at least a few months.
Deepen Your Commitment Gradually
While expecting too much is sure to kill a relationship, the opposite can also be true. Indeed, experts say that when a natural sense of entitlement doesn't rise up and come to the surface of a love affair, it won't last -- no matter how hot the passion.
As your feelings for one another deepen over time, the relationship should progress to reflect that, says Sadock. Both partners should give more of themselves and expect more in return. As such, she says it's reasonable to expect that you will not only begin to spend more time together, but also give more to each other emotionally.
"Ideally, you should expect that you and your partner will feel closer at 10 months than you did at one month," Sadock tells WebMD.
Psychologist Dennis Lowe, PhD, offers this advice to increase your odds of success: Think a little bit less about what you expect from the relationship and a little bit more about what you can bring to it.
"When you think of the traditional marriage vows when people are pledging to honor and cherish, they talk a lot about what they are going to give to the relationship. Today, when people talk about a relationship they often talk in consumer terms -- like what am I going to get out of this, and what are you going to do for me," says Lowe, founding director of the Center for The Family at Pepperdine University in California.
When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, Lowe tells WebMD they ultimately will get more from each other.
Limerence and the Art of Love
There is perhaps nothing quite as exhilarating as the heady feeling of falling deeply, madly, passionately in love. While some call the magic "limerence" -- that almost mystical connection of body, mind and spirit -- others say it's simply the most powerful sexual chemistry they ever experienced.
Regardless of how you define it, experts say once we do experience the "high" it becomes etched in our brain. Because of that, many of us come to expect that intense feeling to remain throughout the relationship. But this, say experts, is a false expectation that frequently drives many a couple apart.
"Some people, particularly those who rush into marriage, have this idea that they are going to be madly in love with their partner 24/7. They firmly believe that not only is it going to always be this way, but that it should always be this way," says Lowe.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Why? Research shows that at least part of that initial "WOW" feeling we get with our partners may have more to do with fluctuations in brain chemistry than flutters of the heart.
The Biology of Love
"When a man and woman fall for each other, it is in our biological best interest to become a little bit obsessed with each other. There are changes that occur in our brain chemistry to make that happen," says psychologist Dennis Sugrue, PhD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of Sex Matters for Women.
Those changes, he says, not only help drive the mating process, they are also responsible for that "honeymoon high."
"It's also why sex can seem so incredible and occur so much more frequently at the start of a relationship than it ever will later on," says Sugrue.
The bad news is this surge of delicious brain chemistry doesn't last. Fortunately, however, while all this passion is stirring in our brain, a slightly different state of mind is brewing elsewhere in our psyche -- a purely psychological phenomenon that experts call "bonding."
"When the initial brain chemistry involved in the 'honeymoon' phase is over -- which it eventually is -- the bonding kicks in, a feeling of closeness and 'coupling' that actually helps keep the man and the woman together over time," says Sugrue.
In fact, at least one aspect of this tantalizing chemistry lesson was recently proven by a group of Italian researchers. In this study, doctors looked at three groups: The first was patients diagnosed but not yet treated for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD); the second group was couples who were newly in love; the third group was composed of "normal' people.
Using a series of blood tests, researchers screened all three groups for levels of a chemical that shuttles the mood regulating neurotransmitter serotonin in and out of brain cells. It was already known that serotonin levels drop in folks who have OCD. It's part of what drives their obsessive behavior. So, it was no surprise to find a low level of the transport chemical in this group. And, by comparison the group of normal folks had normal levels.
But what was exciting and new: The discovery that couples who were newly in love had the same low level of this serotonin-related chemical as people with OCD. This, say experts, could mean that what we feel for our partner at the very early stages of love -- and to some extent the headiness of being in love -- may be hard wired into our brain chemistry, and pretty much out of our control.
Working It Out When That Loving Feeling Goes
But while the exhilarating feeling of new love may fade as time goes by, Lowe says that's not a reason to run for the hills the minute problems in the relationship arise.
In fact, Lowe tells WebMD that couples who stay together and work through their difficulties often find that happiness -- and a good deal of the passion -- returns in the long run.
That was precisely the finding of a survey conducted by the Institute of American Values. In this study, researchers questioned hundreds of American couples who said they were very unhappy in their marriages. Five years later the experts re-examined the same couples to see how their relationships fared.
The finding: Of those who worked through their difficulties and stayed together, over 80% reported that they were once again very happy -- and glad they stayed together. Those who got a divorce were no happier on their own.
What we learned from the study applies as much before marriage as after we tie the knot, says Lowe.
"In many ways, couples who go through difficult times before they get married and find a way of working it out have a better chance later on in marriage -- better than those who live in a fantasized existence before marriage and expect it will always be that way," says Lowe.
By acknowledging that there will always be challenges and difficulties along the way, Lowe says couples can develop a more realistic expectation of married life, one that will go a long way toward keeping a couple together.
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WebMD Feature
SOURCES: JoAnn White, PhD, therapist, instructor at Temple University, Philadelphia. Virginia Sadock, MD, psychiatrist, professor of psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine, New York. Melissa Darnay, professional matchmaker and love coach; author, Dating 101. Dennis Lowe, PhD, founding director, Center for the Family; professor of psychology, Pepperdine University, Malibu, Calif. Dennis Sugrue, PhD, adjunct associate clinical professor of psychiatry, University of Michigan Medical School; co- author, Sex Matters for Women; past president, American Association of Sex Educators. Psychology Medicine, May 1999; vol 29: pp 741-5. Does Divorce Make People Happy, Institute of American Values survey, 2002.
Reviewed on July 01, 2006
© 2005 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Top Cities For Road Rage

Miami Tops Rude Driving List
Poll Shows Miami Has the Rudest Drivers of 25 Major U.S. Cities
By Miranda Hitti WebMD Medical News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
May 15, 2007 -- Out of 25 major U.S. cities, Miami has the rudest drivers and Portland, Ore., has the most courteous drivers, a new poll shows.
It's Miami's second year in a row in the top spot, according to the telephone poll of 2,521 adults, including at least 100 people from each of the 25 cities.
The poll was conducted by Prince Market Research for AutoVantage, a roadside assistance company, between January and March.
All participants were adults who drove at least 10 minutes during rush hour every Monday through Friday. More than half -- 58% -- were women. More than 60% were 54 or younger.
Participants rated their own driving behavior and the driving behavior of other motorists in their city.
Topics included speeding, talking on the cell phone while driving, multitasking while driving, tailgating, cutting into lanes without notice, and slamming on brakes.
Rudest Drivers
Here is how the cities ranked in terms of drivers' courtesy, from rudest to most polite:
Miami
New York
Boston
Los Angeles
Washington, D.C.
Phoenix
Chicago
Sacramento, Calif.
Philadelphia
San Francisco
Houston
Atlanta
Detroit
Minneapolis-St. Paul
Baltimore
Tampa, Fla.
San Diego
Cincinnati
Cleveland
Denver
Dallas-Ft. Worth
St. Louis
Seattle-Tacoma
Pittsburgh
Portland, Ore.
Drivers Confess
In the poll, participants were asked about the top causes of road rage. They blamed bad, rude, or careless driving; anger, stress, or frustration; and hurrying, being impatient, or running late.
Participants were also asked how they had responded to bad drivers around them. Here are their responses:
Honk their horn: 35%
Curse at the other driver: 29%
Waved their fist or arms: 10%
Made an obscene gesture: 8%
Called the police to report the driver: 6%
Slammed into the car in front of them: 1%
Putting more police on the road was the participants' top solution for reducing bad or rude driving.
SOURCES: Prince Market Research: "In the Driver's Seat: 2007 AutoVantage Road Rage Survey." News release, AutoVantage.
© 2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.

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SAMI Collaborates with Harbor Regional Center to Provide Services to Families of and People with Developmental Disabilities

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Anutza Bellissimo, CAMF
Company: Stress & Anger Management Institute (SAMI)
Email: ab@samibeverlyhills.com
Phone: 310-545-8767
Website: www.samibeverlyhills.com

SAMI Collaborates with Harbor Regional Center to Provide Services to Families of and People with Developmental Disabilities

Hermosa Beach, CA (May 16, 2007) – The Stress & Anger Management Institute (SAMI) is now offering anger and stress management education to families of and patients of the Harbor Regional Center (HRC) program for developmental disabilities. The HCR program is working with nearly 10,000 individuals of diverse ages and cultural backgrounds who are coping with conditions such as mental retardation, autism, cerebral palsy and epilepsy. Each of these developmental disabilities can create stress and anger issues for the individual and their families. The collaboration between SAMI and HCR will initiate at HRC's Mental Health Resource Fair on May 30, 2007 at 21231 Hawthorne Blvd. in Torrance, CA.
The focus of SAMI's program with HRC patients and families of patients will be to identify potential communication problems, understand nonverbal communication cues, help families to recognize and normalize anger as well as find acceptable ways to channel the individual expression of anger, and eliminate or minimize "person-directed" anger.
“It is a tremendous opportunity for SAMI to work with the Harbor Regional Center patients and their families. Not only does it provide important information that can help keep a family together in a potentially stressful health situation, but it demonstrates SAMI's commitment to helping our community be emotionally strong and healthy", says Anutza Bellissimo.

For more information, please visit www.samibeverlyhills.com or contact Anutza Bellissimo at 310-545-8767.

#####

Anutza Bellissimo, CAMF is an expert communications strategist, top educator and executive coach in psycho-education related to stress and anger management. She helps people develop an understanding of, and accountability for, their personal patterns in managing stress, effective communication, anger, and emotional intelligence and development. Her company, the Stress & Anger Management Institute, supports professionals, parents and young adults in life transitions. Download a free report about “5 Physical Stress and Anger Warning Signals - And How to Avoid Them!” at www.SAMIBeverlyHills.com.

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