Ten Steps to An Ideal Relationship

Here are ten important steps to a successful relationship.

These are ten tings you can do to create the ideal relationship. 1. Do your own personal emotional work first. It is necessary for each individual to become aware of and release the negative unconsciously stored self sabotaging relationship patterns they acquired during their childhoods. Unfortunately most individuals never do this and only find out about them after a failed relationship or an acrimonious divorce. 2. Nurture your own self esteem, self confidence and self worth. Too many individuals neglect themselves and thus wind up feeling very needy. This neediness then lures them into the unconscious belief that a relationship will help fill such needs. This is a recipe for disaster as it sets up unstable and often abusive co-dependent relationships that lead no where.

3. Nurture Self Awareness.

It is only through self awareness that you will be able to achieve mastery over your own thoughts, emotions, perceptions and behaviors. Anything less means that you are not fully in control of yourself and are vulnerable to making bad choices.

4. Know how to assess the maturity of others.

Most individuals become attracted to each other on the basis of appearance, mutual needs or by the fact that they represent unconscious parental figures. As a result the level of emotional maturity (see my article on the Emotional Maturity Quotient in this ezine) of the other person is completely ignored.

5. Maintain personal honesty as one of your highest priorities.

If you are honest with yourself and with others you will always maintain your personal integrity, self esteem, and self worth and in spite of what ever happens you will feel more resilient. This will also attract individuals who also uphold this as an important value.

6. Be courageous in all your communications.

It is important that when something is to be said that it is said in a respectful and truthful manner. Holding things back can cause them to be pushed into the unconscious where they will "ferment" into feelings of anger, negative behaviors, and abuse and so on.

7. Always look after your health and well being.

Without a solid foundation of good health any relationship will flounder. Your health is your responsibility and not anyone else?s.

8. Don''t act like a victim and don''t attempt to rescue victim like behaviors.

There is a tendency for immature needy individuals to take a victim role in order to manipulate others into rescuing or caring for them. This is irresponsible behavior which undermines some of the principles I mentioned above. When one engages or attempts to rescue victim like behaviors this fractures the trust in a relationship and irreversibly destroys it.

9. Always strive for greater emotional and sexual intimacy.

To know and experience each other fully is the most effective way to keep the bonds of understanding, love and empathy strong. This is the glue that keeps a relationship intact. Without it, it will eventually fall apart.

10. Always strive for personal growth.

A relationship will grow stagnant if either of the partners stops growing emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. In the same way that you would nurture a child''s growth one must continually nurture one''s own.

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Stress in your marriage

Have you been married more than five years? Do you find that the tension between you and your spouse has been on the rise? Stress in the marriage is more common than most will think, or want to believe, but you can put an end, or at least ease up on the stress in marriage by following a few common things. You want to work on how you think about things, how you come across in the marriage, and in what you say, and you want to change the time that the two of your spend together.

Change how you talk to lessen the stress in your marriage

Think before you blurt anything out in a marriage. You may feel very comfortable in your relationship, and you may feel you can say just about anything aloud, but the truth of the matter is when you call some one stupid, or idiot, even in a joking manner it is going to hurt the relationship. Take the stress out of your long-term relationship by thinking about what you are saying before you are saying it.

Change how you act, and how you are around your spouse

Remember back in a time when you were dating, you were happy to see your spouse? You were happy to spend time doing your hair, picking out your clothes and such? Put that feeling back into your life by thinking of how you are going to make your spouse fall in love with you again every day. This is going to put the spark back into your relationship and will take the stress out of your relationship.

A lot of stress involved in a relationship is the lack of trust. Stressing out about where your spouse is, why they are working late, or just where they are in general will eventually put a major strain on the relationship. Take the stress out of your relationship and out of the marriage by putting trust back into the equation. It is going to be difficult if not impossible to not trust your spouse. Trust is going to put all the strain and stress behind you so the two of you can work on being together for the rest of your lives.

Stress in your marriage is going to appear not only after you have been married for a few years, but also when children appear in the family, and when money matters are tight. Take your stress and focus your energies on something constructive in the situation. If you are find you are stressed about money, find ways to save money. If you are stressed about the children, find a sitter for the night and unwind a little bit. Every problem, every stressful situation does have an answer and you can work through it.


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Discover How to Deal Patiently with Your Anger in a High Intense Situation

All of us have feelings as human beings. We can be sad, angry and happy. We go through experiences in life that creates these types of emotions in us. Be it at home, running a business, playing sports or at your workplace, we have to deal with situations that deal with our emotions.

We deal with challenges in life everyday. Some of us faced bigger and uphill challenges than others. When the situation gets tense in facing challenges, emotions run high. It can lead to anger in us and people around can be affected. But such situations can be a wonderful learning experience for us.

Let us take a look at the following about Pete handling his anger in a tense situation. Pete, a business owner, together with his partner had to attend to an important wedding event. As they were about to leave the house, he realized that he had misplaced his wallet.

He told his partner that he had misplaced the wallet. Pete was reprimanded for being so careless of losing his wallet that contains important documents. He was reprimanded continuously. Emotions were running high as he continued his search for the wallet.

Pete realized that being angry and responding to the remarks about his carelessness in losing his wallet will not solve his solutions to the problems. Through his business experiences, he had learn to control his emotions. He decided to take a deep breath and told his partner firmly that he wish to focus on finding the solutions rather than focusing on the potential problems. He realized in such situations, he needs to focus on the solutions and think rationally to solve the problems. His partner did react to his comments and got angry initially. But after deep thoughts, agreed to Pete's point of focusing on the solutions.

He realized that he needs to be patient in his pursue of solving the problems. With clear thoughts, he tried to remember where he last placed his wallet. Once he was clear about the potential places where the wallet can be found, Pete continued his search. He faced failures in finding it initially but finally he found his wallet. With a smile, they then head for the wedding event. During the journey, they discussed and shared with each other on what they had learn from the experience.

From the story, we can learn that in handling such intense situations, it is important that we remain focus in the solutions rather than the problems and be patient in pursue of solving such problems or challenges.

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