Marriage is a Job

Marriage is a job and we'd all be a lot better off if
we approached it that way.

Think about the similarities: In order to get a job or
a spouse, you dress up, behave unnaturally, and hide
those little things that might be a deal-breaker, like
your prison record or the fact that you save your
cat's hair in baggies. Once you've achieved your
objective, whether it's getting hired or walking down
the aisle, both have a "honeymoon period," where no
one really expects you to buckle down and get to work
right away. Usually there's less sex on the job than
in the marriage, unless you've chosen porn as your
field or married someone sixty years your senior.

And anyone who has been married longer than Renee
Zellwegger and Kenny Chesney can tell you that once
you've gotten past the interview and the honeymoon
period, everyday married life can be just as boring
and frustrating as the 9 to 5 world. There are power
struggles to determine who is the alpha dog (which can
be confounded in marriage if there actually is a dog),
budget cuts, people behaving like children (they may,
in the case of marriage, BE children), changes in
management, walk-outs, etc. There isn't a married
person in the world who hasn't dreamed of not clocking
in for a day (or a week or a month).

Why is it then that with all their similarities that
when someone decides to change jobs, we admire their
ambition and encourage them to follow their bliss, but
if someone makes the same choice about a spouse, we
feel sad and disappointed? Why do we say "failed
marriage" but not "failed occupation?"

I'm not talking about quickie jobs and divorces, but
those things we've poured ourselves into, learned our
lessons, and decided to move on from. Jobs and
marriages are ways of learning about ourselves and our
needs.

I myself have had three occupations and three husbands
(in both cases, I still have the third). My first job
out of college, I was an "Economic Analyst" for a bank
corporation. I know that sound so 80's and it was. But
the fancy title was cover for the fact that I was
basically just an underpaid researcher who had to run
computer models before the actual invention of
computer. Okay, the computer had been invented, but at
the bank we were still using the abacus and slide
rule.

I managed to stay at this job for eighteen months, and
during that time I learned a few things about myself:
(1) I didn't enjoy working for people who take credit
for my work, (2) I really hate wearing panty hose and
heels every day, and (3) Bosses who criticize your job
performance in their office then feel you up in the
elevator are fairly easy to get a good letter of
references from, especially if you know the guys who
run the elevator video camera (yes, the bank did have
those).

lasted ten years in my first marriage. We met in high
school, married right out of college and moved across
country twice. I quit work and went to grad school. He
quit work and formed his own computer company, making
$100 an hour, which was real money in the 80s. I was
making about $6 an hour. I learned from my first
marriage job that anyone who values me based on my
income isn't someone I can sleep with for more than a
decade. Hey, I have a long learning curve.

Job number two, I was a health educator who eventually
ran a wellness program for a major university. There
were things about the job I just loved and other
things that made me want to spit in someone's food.
Unfortunately, that wasn't a perk of the job. This is
the job that taught me to be self-reliant,
independent, capable of doing a lot with very little,
and to value outrageousness in myself and others.

Husband number two was twenty-three when I met him in
a bar. I was thirty-two. Did I mention the
outrageousness factor? I made more money than he did,
had had more sex than he'd had, and weighed more than
he did. None of those turned out to be good things. I
learned from him that I prefer to be the girl in the
relationship at least half the time.

So I'm three for three now. I write and perform
comedy. No one tells me when to get up or what to
wear. No one feels me up on the job, not even the UPS
man, not even when I beg. My co-workers are dogs, so
the back-biting is literal instead of figurative. I
like that. My current husband is slightly older and
grayer than me, weighs more, and spends a lot of time
sleeping, especially if there's nothing good on TV or
I've dared to serve him a meatless entrée again in
order to reduce his cholesterol.

Life goes on. And as long as you're learning
something... anything... your job and your marriage
probably still have a few good years in them. But it
never hurts to keep your resume polished.

By:Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant
www.articles-hub.com/index.ph?article=90016&highlite=marriage

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